How to Host an Heirloom Tomato Tasting Party

Step 1.

After discovering the “blog world” one summer in which you can finally connect with other like minded gardeners, come to the conclusion that you are going to grow a bunch of heirloom tomatoes next summer. Not only are you going to grow tomatoes but hey….just for kicks decided to grow 15 different varieties.Step 2.
About mid September when you have tired of canning some 10,005 jars of tomato sauce, heated up your kitchen some 100 times totally irritating your handsome husband because the house is 83 degrees when he gets home from work…and “Woman why haven’t you turned on the air conditioning…that’s why I go to work…so we can have air conditioning….stop being so cheap…this is ridiculous…if I wanted to come home to a sauna I’d build one.”

When you have eaten your weight in bruschetta, salsa and tomato salads…and when your neighbors start to speed up when they drive by your house because they have already tried ignoring your numerous “Would you like some free organic tomatoes” emails, you have nothing left to do but host a surprise tomato tasting party.

Step 3.
Hopefully you will have a family gathering (multiple birthday party in this instance) on the calender for mid September….if not…I don’t know what to tell you.

Step 4.
DO NOT TELL ANYONE OF YOUR PLANS…..NOT EVEN THE PARTY HOSTESS
Show up at their party with boxes and boxes of heirloom tomatoes…..they will Ohhh and Ahhhh over all the beautiful shapes and colors….
Then announce that you have self appointed yourself in charge of all birthday games.

(I would highly recommend making yourself a badge first…so you look official….. or “legit” as Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite would say)Step 5.

Announce to the delighted party goers that it’s “game time”.
(At this point quickly and quietly pull your spouse and children aside and tell them they are not allowed to win…no matter what….cause a box of tomatoes is the prize for each of these games).

Game #1 Pin the stem on the tomato…..
Step 6.

Game #2 Pinata time……
Who doesn’t love a Yellow Pear shaped tomato pinata…and NO, I did not fill the pinata with tomatoes…I thought that might be a bit obvious…so instead I filled it with candy from my secret candy stash.

Step 7.
Game #3 How many seeds are in your tomato?
(make sure there is a nicely wrapped prize in view before you announce this one…the older folks might catch on if you don’t)

Step #8
Just when you think the birthday goers have had enough….announce your last game
“Heirloom Tomato Tasting”
Hand everyone a questionnaire and a salt shaker and have them taste and rate the 15 varieties of heirloom tomatoes you brought….(This is best performed before the big dinner meal)

Step #9
Graciously accept all the gratitude and heart felt “this was the best party ever” compliments that are thrown your way….and cheerfully wave goodbye….

Step #10
Go home and write about it on your blog…….
they will have no idea until the next day when they read about it that you just unloaded about 30lbs of unwanted tomatoes on them……

Step #11
Rejoice in the fact that not one single tomato is on ANY of your kitchen counters or windowsills….or in the oven roasting.

Step #12

Then when you go home and upload the pictures from the day…. silently question your parenting methods when your children received things like twinkies and toilet paper as birthday gifts…..

I mean really, if this parenting style continues, at this rate my kids will be receiving things like dental floss and light bulbs for Christmas.