I came across an article the other day, and I can’t stop thinking about it. In a nutshell, this guy goes to a friend’s wedding. As a gift, he and his girlfriend get a basket and fill it with different food goodies: pesto, pastas, salsa, olive oil, and sweet goodies like butterscotch sauce and marshmallow fluff. They attached a note that said: “Life is delicious…Enjoy.”
Okay, so here’s where it gets interesting: A bit later the guy gets a text from the bride that asks for a receipt because she’s gluten intolerant. The guy responds gracefully to the text {see the article for the exact response}. Then, a little while later, he gets a text from the other bride {it was a same sex wedding} that basically tells him he is a clueless and cheap for not giving them an envelope of money for a gift AND that the brides paid $100 per plate, so his gift didn’t even cover the cost of him attending the wedding. {WHAT?!!}
The whole interaction ended up getting published in a Canadian newspaper, with the permission of both parties. Comments started rolling in, some defending the man and his gift and others defending the brides. Is it just me, or is this CRAZY? When did we become a culture that gets to set perimeters on what kind of gift and what monetary value it should have? Plus, what world do they live in that they think the guests should cover the cost of their attendance at the wedding with gifts?
The story has been sitting in the back of my mind for days, and I am curious what YOU think. Pop over, read the article, and seriously let me know your opinion. {I think the brides were waaaaay out of line, if it wasn’t obvious already. Ha.}
~Mavis
Peggy Stenglein says
Yes Mavis, IT’S CRAZY! A gift is a gift, and it should be accepted graciously, and with good manners. Ridiculous behavior, and embarrassing to act that way. If the only reason for inviting someone to a wedding is to break even or make a profit, well, maybe these people need to take a look in the mirror and see who they really are. 🙁
Holly says
This is really sad – marriages are supposed to be about sacred unions, not materialistic things. How unfortunate that they allowed $$ to tarnish their special moment as a couple (and with their friends?!?!)
Pat Giaquinta says
I agree, Mavis ~ the brides were way out of line. Whatever happened to the sentiment “it’s the thought that counts”? Besides, I think that was a very thoughtful & unique gift (and probably cost more than $100 for all of the goodies). Bad, bad manners on the part of the brides. They should be ashamed.
Tiffany says
If you are having a party its up to you to pay for it. If you expect to pay the credit card bill off with the money you received from the wedding YOU CANNOT AFFORD YOUR WEDDING, have a picnic. Such bad manners. I’ve been in a lot of weddings and never on the day after did the bride or groom talk about who gave what and if it covered the cost of the plate. Get. A. Life.
Who has time to think of this kinda stuff on their wedding day??
Robin in SoCal says
My Mother would say “these people lack class”. It’s the thought that counts. I agree with you.
Kathy says
Bad form on the bridezillas. It was a thoughtful and unique gift, regardless if bridezilla #1 is gluten intolerant or not. They should have sent thank you not and either donated it or not. Bridezilla #2 is just greedy, saying the gift cost should cover the cost of each plate. Whatever happened to GOOD MANNERS!?? If someone had given me a basket like this one, I would have been grateful, to say the least. And bragged that it was the most well thought, kind and loving thing a person could do.
Kathy says
That should be thank you note not not. oops, happy fingers.
Melanie Pike says
I couldn’t believe the nerve of Bride #2! I shook my head constantly throughout the article… I love the idea of the gift basket; it wasn’t just thrown together, but was assembled with a purpose–to enjoy life deliciously. What do you do with a gift that you can’t eat? If the other bride can’t or won’t eat it, keep the basket and donate the rest of it…and send a NICE thank you note! Bride #2 has no manners whatsoever, and I wouldn’t want her as my friend…or anyone else who would expect to receive, bare minimum, of $100 as a monetary gift. You invite people to your wedding because you want them to share in your joy, not because they have money. Do you end up leaving certain people off the guest list because “Oh, they can’t afford much. Let them stay home and eat their cheap little meals”? Manners, common courtesy, and realistic expectations have gone out the window with some people. I’m glad that I have better friends than that.
Em says
His gift was thoughtful. The brides have poor manners. A more classy way to have handled it would have been to invite friends over to share, or even re-gift.
sarah says
I agree with the giver but would have stopped engaging them(especially in public places, like fb) When I got married we got nice gifts, money gifts, gifts that weren’t our style or no gifts at all. Everyone still got a nice thank you note no matter what area they gift fell into. And things we didn’t like went to other homes where they were loved.
I also agree if you can’t pay for a wedding prior to it, then other options may be needed. I went to a wedding that was a morning/lunch wedding with tomato soup and design your own grill cheese buffet. No bar, no dj and diy flowers and such to help keep the costs in the range of what the bride and groom could afford. And I had just as much fun there as I have at big country club deals.
Robin says
I never heard such a thing. I have proudly paid for both my son’s and daughter’s weddings, and I will have to say, there was NO expectation of compensation for the wedding. The guests were there to enjoy the wedding celebrations and make it a memorial day for my kids. Not anything else. I think their gift was more thoughtful than pulling of the registry some item that requires no forethought.
Angela says
I think the brides (boy that sounds weird) were completely wrong. Those getting married CHOOSE how much they want to spend on their special event; it is their choice. They invite people to come; it is their choice who is invited.
Those who choose to attend, also choose what they wish to give as a wedding gift, but these guests may be limited in what they can spend. If the gift is thoughtful, and this man’s gift was thoughtful and sweet, the value in dollars dos NOT matter.
Ashley says
Wow. I would love a gift like that.
We had a very inexpensive wedding, but most families still ate and drank more than they gave….I don’t find that wrong! You throw a wedding/reception to celebrate with the people in your life, not to make money off them! I wouldn’t be able to afford going to weddings if I felt I needed to cover all my family’s costs. We have a standard cash gift amount regardless of the type of wedding/food served. If you’re worried about a guest covering the cost of their plate, maybe you need to rethink your menu.
.
Jesse says
I saw one the other day where a woman gave a birthday gift that she purchased online to friends child. The mother of the child then called to complain it was hard to return the gift and the gift giver needed to pick something else and reimburse the mother for the shipping to return the original gift!
Wow! Both examples are crazy rude!
Jen J says
This makes me sad for several reasons – that the brides were more focused on the gifts they received than the celebration of their wedding, that a friendship was broken, and that someone who took the time to make a personal gift was made to feel bad (and no offense meant for money givers). Now, all parties will have this bad memory with them forever whenever they think of this wedding. And I certainly agree that the brides lack class.
mari says
gift
gift [gift] Show IPA
noun
1.
something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.
2.
the act of giving.
3.
something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned: Those extra points he got in the game were a total gift.
Obviously the brides are not familiar with Dictionary.com
In addition to the food basket, (hopefully) this guy has given them the gift of knowledge and growth. If they have an open mind toward this and do not get defensive, they will be able to see that thought, time, attention, and care was given to them to celebrate their love. Probably more than the monetary gifts they received. They can take the food basket to a food pantry, womens shelter, or soup kitchen, get a receipt for their donation, and use it as a tax credit…viola the monetary gift they were looking for. Also, I love the sentiment LIFE IS DELICIOUS!! Celebrate it!!!
Shari says
Amen! And I bet those recipients wouold be thrilled to have it! So sad that such a thooughtful gift resulted in such venom from the brides.
Debs says
My niece got married last year and had a “formal” wedding (most of the family owns jeans and dress shirts). Not only did everyone have to spend several hundred dollars on clothes that would be worn once, they also had very pricey items on their gift registry and alluded that gifts should equal the cost of the dinner at the reception. It was a challenge to “enjoy” the wedding when it took a week’s pay just to attend.
Jessica says
Get out of here! People are actually putting on their invitations that gifts should equal the cost of the dinner reception? Are you kidding me?! I’m…just floored right now
Michele says
Weddings are special occasions so I don’t quite understand the big deal about having to get dressed up. Borrow a dress from a friend, get one from consignment, CraigsList, or a thrift store! Or wear jeans and a t-shirt!
If I can’t go with a great attitude (like at a no-child wedding or if I felt similar pressure to gift bigger than I wanted to) then I send my regrets!
Donna says
I would’ve sent a card in the mail congratulating her and sent my respects with a “Sorry we can’t attend your wedding!”. Its just plain rude to ask for your gift to be at or above a certain amount of money. If they expect the guests to pay for their part of attending the wedding ceremony, they are downright crazy. Guests go to weddings to show their support for a newly married couple, not to pay for the couples wedding!
Brandy says
Of course she is way out of line, geesh. If I ever received a gift that I couldn’t use myself, I would give it to family/friends! And still send a thank you card.
Naomi says
You know, I had never heard of the expectation of giving a gift that “pays” for your plate until my husband and I moved back to CT. We had been married a little over a year, had a new baby, and were invited to the wedding of his best high school friend. (he ended up even being a groomsman, but that’s another nightmare to recount)! We were pretty broke, but I put together a spa basket that was hot tub friendly because they were going to a resort for their honeymoon and the bride talked alot about the hot tub in their room. The day of the wedding I overheard the bride talking to one of her bridesmaids about one of the wedding gifts and was using words like “cheap”, “low-rent”, and “they don’t know any better”. I then realized she was speaking of our gift! After the wedding, I was told that the expectation was that your gift should at least “pay” for your meal(s) and if it doesn’t, then you’re cheap. Now I was brought up that you gave cash as gifts to people you didn’t know that well, but close friends and family should get a thoughtful gift because you know them. And that is what I still do. If somebody wants me to pay for a meal, I’ll skip the wedding and head to my favorite restaurant!
sarah says
I think being part of the party and covering those costs should be factored in. my husband and I have been in a few weddings and it adds up– showers, dresses, and tux costs. Plus the extra time and travel if needed. And recently babysitters. My bff got married a month after we moved so funds were tight. we didn’t give a big gift but helped cover some day of expenses(brunch take out food) and ran errands(hubby picked people up and ran stuff to the church) She said that was just as much of a gift vs an actually item.
Stephanie says
From what I could tell when I was a bride, participating in online wedding boards, the cash gifts and an expectation of a certain amount is predominantly a northeast thing. I had never heard of it and wouldn’t choose to participate, personally. Cash is not the traditional gift around here; I think it’s rather impersonal, but to each their own. In any event I can’t imagine evaluating gifts to see what the giver spent! Everyone at our wedding was there because a) we love them or b) we had to invite them to keep the family peace. 😉
Debi says
I would have loved to receive a gift with such “thought” behind it.
Madam Chow says
The allegedly glucose intolerant bride had apparently chowed down a plate of pasta at an Italian restaurant, so her glucose intolerant claim is questionable, at best. And, yes, I agree that this was in very bad taste. You have a wedding reception to share the day with loved ones. If you gain financially from it, terrific. If that is your goal, hold your reception at a McDonalds. I would love a gift like that, and if there were items I could not use, I would donate them to charity. Really, this whole story sticks in my craw. I had people at my wedding who were financially in bad straights, and honored me by attending when I knew it was really tough for them to do.
sabina says
WOW! Just WOW!!! I don’t even know where to start here. first, let me say that if I were getting married again, I would LOVE the gift basket. I am sure the giver and his girlfriend put a lot of thought into it, regardless of the cost .The brides need a huge lesson in manners. I can’t believe anyone defended them at all. If they were expected to cover the cost of plates of food plus a gift, why the heck didn’t they just sell tickets? (They sound like the caliber of people that would think that’s ok!) Did they also plan and host their own bridal shower(s)? that’s another one that gets me these days, but don’t get me started. Maybe I am old fashioned…or just old (42). I was taught that any gift should be received graciously- NEVER returned (unless you love it but it’s the wrong size) and when giving a gift to never feel obligated (kind of takes the “giftiness” out of it) and never ever ever spend more than you can afford to.
Delores says
If they didn’t like the gift, they could give it to a shelter that feeds homeless and needy. I would die of embarrassment if my kids replied to the giver asking for the receipt and/or said the gift giver was cheap.
virginia says
Such an entitlement mentality! I think the gift was cute and thoughtful. Not everyone has a ton of money, and if you’re the kind of person who is rude enough to complain about a gift outright like that, you should have just made it clear you wanted cash only on your wedding invites, since being rude obviously doesn’t bother you to begin with! I appreciate any gift I receive. Sometimes I receive gifts that aren’t right for me – very easy to still be gracious and appreciate the gesture, then simply re-gift, donate, return, etc. Sad that people care more about “stuff” than people 🙁
Sophie says
I was floored when I heard about this recently. Maybe I’m weird, but I don’t expect people to finance my future. The true concept of a wedding is to celebrate a union. Gifts are a thoughtful way to help a couple get their life started, not reimburse them for a party. Maybe this is the norm, but I don’t think it should be. I would be mortified if I were one of the brides and I or my spouse acted this way.
Sophie says
“Out of 210 people, you were the talk and laugh of the whole wedding!!!! Worst gift ever story Is being passed along to everyone!!”
And if this really true, then the gift giver is much better off n olonger being friends with these people. Who wants a circle of friends that acts this way?
cptacek says
I think they were coworkers, not really friends?
Madam Chow says
I agree with you. And let’s think about this for a minute: out of 210 people at the wedding, which alone set me back in my chair, the brides made a stink about this one gift? Clearly, they were well off enough to afford over $20,000 in catering costs, so if the gluten intolerance claim was true, and there is some doubt that it was, they couldn’t donate the basket to a battered women’s shelter? A halfway house? A soup kitchen? A convent? A Buddhist monastery? And then we have Mavis, who runs around the country donating food, gnomes, etc.
Michelle Wright says
Wow, wow, wow! Tacky brides, both of them. Giving a gift is traditional but also OPTIONAL. The whole idea is to attend, giving your time which is the most valuable thing you can give, to witness and support the marriage. The gift is irrelevant. Asking for a receipt was bad number one. The 2nd bride isn’t even worth commenting on, she was way out of line.
One T says
Gosh . Let’s get down to brass tacks and itemize the true cost of the gift based on a creative person’s worth @)$50 per hour:
1. Time spent opening the invite and returning the RSVP:$25
2. Time spent on what to wear: $25
3. Time spent shopping and purchasing a new outfit, shoes and hair products so you look great in the
photos for the brides: $300
4. Time spent designing such a creative gift:$100
5. Time spent procuring the basket and items: $150
6. Car insurance/fresh oil/ gas for transportation/car wash/ air fare/lodging/ meals?: $175-$500
7. Securing child care for the evening and prep time to dress,travel and apply makeup:$150
8. Smiling (before and after). Priceless…
Seems like the brides received a wonderful gift of friendship to celebrate their union together. Perhaps they should
have posted an accountant at the guestbook so she could assess/assign value to ALL gifts and allowed guests to proceed on to the ceremony or be denied entrance if this was such a huge deal to them.
Guesses anyone how long they will remain married if they keep sweatin’ the small stuff?
cptacek says
*brags* My 300 person wedding dinner was roasted hog with baked potatoes, corn, rolls and salad for $8 a plate. These hosers got taken for a ride.
Class. They don’t have it.
Tina B says
Your wedding reception sounds like it must have been fun and delicious.
cptacek says
It was awesome! I hate when I hear that people hated their wedding reception because it had too many people or whatever they say about it. I loved mine! I would have gotten a different DJ, but even that wasn’t too bad.
Shari says
And class isn’t something you can buy even if everyone “paid for their plate”!
Penelope says
I think weddings are out of control, and perspective needs to be restored. If you want to throw a fabulous pricey party for when you get married, that is your business. Since when did guests become financially responsible for the host’s choices?
I agree with the person above that said the gift was quite thoughtful and if it didn’t work, they could have donated it to someone in need or given to a family member.
Jessica says
Wow, I’m so glad that my friends weren’t that way or I would have never been invited to any weddings. I was so, so, so broke when all my friends were getting married that I wasn’t able to give them gifts at all. I was just able to give a card and barely had enough money to attend their weddings.
andrea d says
wow. just, wow. i thought the reason for a wedding was to make a public commitment to one person for the rest of your life. because you love them and choose to love them forever. not to make money. money gifts are awesome, but not mandatory. if you don’t like the gift, kindly thank the person for their thoughtfulness then discreetly regift or donate it.
i have heard the idea of giving an amount you think might be equal to the per person cost, but only as an idea from other gift givers, never from the couple as what they expect. and to invite only those who will give you big gifts? well that would have excluded most of my family from my wedding, so…
Tanya Peila says
I just shared this on FB. Here is my comment
I would really like to hear from someone who sides with the Brides on this matter. How does your wedding invite read “Please join us in the celebration of our marriage…we are registered at XXX, we paid approx $100 per person for this ceremony and reception ($75 if you just come to the reception), and we gladly accept cash”?
Mother of Style says
Whaaa???? That was a cute gift! The present I remember the most from my wedding gifts was a basket with a bottle of champagne for each month of the next year. Thoughtfulness stays with you much longer than cash.
Mommynator says
I would have loved that gift. It obviously took effort, and was in the correct spirit of a wedding – joy and enjoyment.
Whatever happened to smiling, saying thank you and moving on?
Sara says
Have people forgot how to be grateful? Saying please and thank you, your welcome are completely forgotten!
Sakura says
I was just thinking the same thing. Wouldn’t the correct response be Thank you? I’m surprised at how many gifts I’ve sent out that never receive a thank you note, email, phone call or text.
Catherine says
Sadly, this doesn’t surprise me. I dread invitations to weddings, showers, graduations, etc. because it seems like there is such a high expectation as far as gifts. It takes all of the enjoyment out of the “celebration.”
kat says
You are invited to a wedding to witness the commitment of two people taking their vows. The reception is the celebration/ party afterwards. Perhaps (and I don’t know) the brides’ parents didn’t approve of the wedding so the happy couple had to pay for it themselves. Hey–if you can’t afford the big party, cut back. Does this couple normally expect invited guests (to a party) to pay an ‘entry fee’ at the door with a gift in hand? If at anytime you look at the wedding reception as an opportunity to gouge your friends–(“Weddings are to make money for your future..”, said bride #2.) perhaps you should rethink the event. Elope, save the money spent on the reception and save everyone the trouble.
Since one bride is gluten intolerant* bride, let the other enjoy it. If not, then next time you SPEAK to the person, mention it and ask if you could return it to them as there’s no way you could use it. Or, quietly regift it/share it with someone else. Under no circumstances is TEXTING appropriate. As for bride #2, I guess we now know who wears the pants in that family. Utterly rude, and inappropriate the way she carried on.
I noted in reading other links about this story that this wedding couple was eating pasta dinner at an Italian restaurant (the gift-giver works at, so he knows) and their dinner was *NOT gluten-free. So obviously, that excuse was a lie. Also noted, the wedding was on a Friday. Was it possible the guest had taken the time off work to attend? Maybe losing a day’s income? When you invite ‘friends’ to celebrate your wedding day, accept their presence as a gift (of time) to you. Don’t go all crazy over a gift, whether in a box or an envelope. Show some grace and tactfulness. No matter the gift, it is a GIFT and should be received properly with a verbal or written thank you.
The only time we have given money (or a gift card) as a wedding gift was when we didn’t know the couple well enough to know what they needed or wanted. This “People give envelopes” line is a bunch of crap. I think its tacky UNLESS that is part of the couple’s heritage/customary wedding activity. I will say—his gift—hmmm–I hope they didn’t just toss those items in the basket, shut the lid and attach a card. Some tissue paper and ribbon, maybe a bow…? I have no idea what PC Black label is, but it looks like the guy did the shopping (it was his invite) and he walked the isles in a store and threw together a gift. So, its a pasta dinner, salad fixings (without the produce), and some ‘sweets’ for dessert. Not quite a ‘wedding gift’ kinda gift. He should have gotten his girlfriend involved in that one. Maybe included a bottle of wine and 2 glasses…and a gift card for a nice dinner out would have been better.
All said and done—the brides were totally in the wrong with their lack of manners and rude behavior, but…gift could have been better.
Susan says
What selfish ungrateful brides. If they cannot afford to pay for the wedding without guests’ help, they should have been more frugal in their spending. Live within your means, or under. Don’t expect your guests to pay for a reception you invite them to. They are GUESTS ! It is rude and disrespectful to send such messages asking for receipts, and telling them that they are clueless and cheap. If they needed the money they could have had a money tree at their reception. Those brides appear to be thoughtless and terribly lacking in class.
Lora says
We were invited to the wedding of a couple we had never met. My husband was a business associates of the groom’s sister. First, we were surprised to be invited. Second, the invitation requested we give a cash gift to help them cover the cost of the wedding and honeymoon. It gave a suggested amount. There was no way we were going as we lived in MI and the wedding was in CA. My husband sent the suggested amount just to keep the peace with the business associate.
Tina B says
That borders on extortion. The groom’s sister obviously knew what she was doing, inviting her business colleagues, and would know who gave and who didn’t, therefore creating an uncomfortable and awkward situation for those she invited, especially given that they didn’t know the couple.
Shari says
OMG! That’s got to take the cake for the most crass wedding invitation EVER! Bet THAT kept THEIR costs down!
Michele says
Just wow! And business associates of the groom’s sister?!
jubob says
I have given gifts like this and never been treated like that. a gift is a gift is a gift…. who raised these two?
Rachele says
This is really too bad, but not all that surprising. I was in a wedding last year and spent quite a bit of time listening to the bride complain about how the gifts that were bought from her three registries didn’t make up for the cost of the wedding. There was also a woman who bought the couple something that wasn’t on the registry at all, and which the bride took the time to figure out (by going to a few different stores until she found the item) didn’t come anywhere near to covering the cost of feeding the gift giver and her plus one. I was blown away by the bride’s attitude, having known her for almost 15 years as a kind, generous and classy person. Maybe weddings just make people crazy?
Having said all that though, I was told years ago to never bring a gift that isn’t on the registry, so maybe other people where told something simliar and that set an expectation of some kind?
Michele says
We created a registry because people asked for one but personally, I think it’s tacky to ask someone to get you something in particular or expect them furnish ‘your new beginning’. While no one needs 10 toasters, the recipient can always include a gift receipt for easy exchanges if necessary.
Janet says
I was just considering last evening what the world will look like once populated with adults who have not been raised with manners. The brides, obviously, have an entitlement mentality and not manners.
Tina B says
I’m reminded of something that was ingrained into my psyche all during my childhood when it came to receiving gifts: no matter what you THINK of the gift, you ALWAYS receive it with grace, thanks, and dignity. And, just in case we ever thought that was stupid, it was followed by this little nugget of wisdom, which may or may not have been super great advice, but it got the point across to us; otherwise, you may find that you never receive gifts from the giver again! My parents turned out to be wiser than I thought once I grew up.
When my husband and I married, many gifts were given to us by the many friends and family members of my husband’s side of the family, bless their hearts. Some things were perfect, some not so perfect, and some had us laughing. We wrote thank you notes that thanked them for their specific gift and for their thoughtfulness and generosity. The things we didn’t want were found new homes, and the things we did, we gladly kept and used. (After almost 25 years of marriage, a couple of the towel sets we were given are still being used to this day, and we raised 5 children!)
That being said, I do feel that manners are so very important. Especially so in our modern society of immediate communication via Twitter, Facebook, Google Plus and the like. It is much too easy to spout out the first thing that comes to mind rather than take a moment to think about what one is going to say before saying it. In the case of the lovely gift baskets of goodies and the two bride’s crass responses about it, the brides were quite wrong to act as they did. The giver should have stopped contact regarding the situation after the first exchange. Taking the mess to the media was pointless and just showed how both sides lowered themselves.
The best thing the brides could have done was to donate the food they couldn’t eat to their local food bank, write a gracious thank you note to the giver, and drop the whole thing right there. That would have been the classiest, most gracious thing to do, and no one would be thinking that perhaps when two women marry, they get double the bridezillas. These two women give same sex marriage a bad name in their response to the gift, and that makes me sad.
Faith says
Tina B-
Your comment is well thought out, well written and utterly correct. It is a shame that manners are going to the wayside.
I was brought up on Emily Post manners. I suppose I’m a bit antiquated, but I thought you had up to a year after the wedding to give a gift to the new couple. Also, I honestly think the new custom of opening the gifts at the reception is rather tacky.
On a more refreshing note. I went to the very large wedding of our friend’s daughter last November. It was very ‘Hipster’ and quite fun with jazz music and a pizza reception. At the time, we were unable to afford much more than a card, so I helped make the brooch bouquet and clean up after the event. Even with the large amount of guests and the holidays we received a very timely, thoughtful, and genuine thank you note from the bride and groom.
Shell says
Perhaps they should have gotten married in a barn , since they are both Jack___es. He could have gotten them a book on Wedding Etiquette, or , oh, um, can they read anything but dollar signs? Oh well, it will only be a short time before they turn on each other. It just goes back to the old saying,” In some circles, no good deed goes unpunished.” Yikes, does anyone really need friends like that . I feel embarrassed for them ( for their lack of class and ability to really know what is appropriate.) It also shows how poor they are and living above their means.(In more ways than one). Now they have broadcast it for everyone to see. It is like groveling or begging. Ew!
Amanda says
Sadly, this is the normal behavior of the near future. I point the proverbial finger at two culprits, uninvolved, selfish parents who raise materialistic children, and TV. On every channel, and I mean every, you will see a portrayal of a spoiled brat that gets everything she/he wants. No where do you see popular images of well behaved, polite youth that are portrayed as popular people. This is our future, and it scares the crap out of me.
Angela says
Unfortunately, I agree with you except that it is not just the future; it is now. Teenagers over all have such a sense of entitlement that it is unreal. I’m a high school teacher, so I know this is true. 🙁
Angela says
What I didn’t say before, but thought it, and so I have decided to write it now is that the reason so many of our teenagers feel entitled and act the way they do is because they have poor examples at home and/or have not been taught to have manners and be considerate of others. They have learned to make it all about them, to be selfish.
Michele says
I don’t know, people being jerks is nothing new.
Janet says
How about when you are asked not to bring a gift at all? “No gifts please.” Do you bring something or not? Something small anyway or just a card? I have been asked to a wedding reception with no gifts (they got married months ago) and just want to celebrate now with an outdoor party.
Jess says
I was outraged by the behavior of these two brides! A wedding is supposed to mark the beginning of your life with the person you love. You invite your family and friends because you love them and want them to be there to witness your special day. They give you gifts (one would think) because they love you and also want to celebrate your life together. I know my own mother tries to do some math equation in writing checks to cover the cost of her meal but she is of an older generation and she once watched her cousin’s dad walk out of a reception before paying and her cousin and cousin’s new husband had to open envelopes to pay for the reception, which was very embarrassing for them. But all that stuff is in the past, imo; it’s all outdated. When I married my husband seven years ago we were happy to have our friends and family there. Everything was paid in advance and it would NEVER have occurred to us to weigh the gift against the cost of the wedding. That is in such bad taste. We are of the mindset that whenever someone gives you a gift, you just appreciate because that person did something nice for you. The only rude thing we were given was a blank card (no written message, not signed, nothing); it was like the recipient did not want to wish us well. That’s a drop in the bucket compared to what those brides did!!
Debbie says
Those brides should be ashamed of themselves. The purpose of the gift is NOT to reimburse the hosts! That is a huge problem today overall – no manners, self-entitlement & rudeness all around! I wish the other guests had rallied around & demanded the return of their gifts. Those brides did not deserve to have friends such as those. Where is Emily Post when you need her???? I am appalled & flabbergasted by those women – how selfish they are!
Diane says
Everybody here has already said it, but I’ll chime in and say that the brides acted like ungrateful, grasping, spoiled little PIGS. I can’t imagine anyone being so rude to a wedding guest who gives ANY gift – you’re inviting them to your wedding to ask them to share in your joy, for heaven’s sake, not to score a win on “The Price Is Right”!
I sure hope those two women are capable of embarrassment, because they certainly should be ashamed of themselves.
Dena says
It’s obviously more important to the brides on what they get than what they’re getting. I got married for the first time when I was 40.I had been around the block a time or two and waited a long time for Mister Right! So when I found him and when we got married that was all I could think of was WOW! this is my wedding and I am standing here with my big goofy guy saying “I do”. Having all of our family and friends as witness’s was all we wanted. Their gifts, the smallest to the largest were all truly appreciated, but at the end of the day the best gift I got that day was my completeness. Dorky I know, but it’s true. 🙂
Michele says
Lovely!
Katherine says
The brides were way off base. WAY. But I wouldn’t have taken this to the media either. Not classy behavior for either party.
Teresa says
How sad and it has been said over and over, these brides are classless. A gift if a gift, nothing more and nothing less. A gift should be taken with grace and class. A person/persons receiving a gift also have the responsibility of thanking the giver, regardless of what they REALLY think, manners come first.
As for all the comments on it is generational and what is to come, I’m sorry I don’t agree. It is what we teach our children. My teenagers ALWAYS write (yes hand write) thank you’s for birthday’s, christmas, and anything else to the person giving the gift. I do not mind email or texts but for taking the time to write a thank you and mailing it is much more meaningful and requires thought. Which tells the giver you really did care and thought. AGAIN this is taught to your children and I know MANY adults that don’t do this so how can their children learn this etiquette? Maybe these brides were never taught, but I sort of doubt they were taught NO MANNERS or class along the way. It makes me sad to read this kind of behavior but it has been going on since beginning of time, just more in our face thanks to FB and other forms of communication.
I have to wonder if those brides had family attending or it is was all coworkers, friends and acquaintenances? Seems anyone that will treat people that way may not have a lot of close relationships in their life!
Heidi says
WOW! People are just amazing, how rude and disrespectful they have become. I agree Mavis, the brides were way out of line and actually that was a very thoughtful and creative gift!
Linda says
I agree with you and everyone else, the brides were OUT OF LINE !!!!!
Kenzi says
As parents, we teach by example. If we take the time and make an effort to make things clear to our kids, they grow up doing/saying the same things we usually do/say. (I believe we have to talk to them, but mostly LISTEN) If we are not there for them because of work, lack of parenting skills or simply because we lack interest our children will still learn things from somebody else, it may be a friend, a tv show or just another child who is as lost as the other.
It’s probable that the parents didn’t pay for the wedding if they don’t agree with the lifestyle but the brides made their own lack of (Oh so many things) so clear…
I’m happy that gay couples can marry, it just this story that saddens me, it’s a very sad story.
Debby Darling says
Bride 1 should have said thank you, kept the basket and donated what she couldn’t eat to a local food bank. Both of these women must have had parents that did not take the trouble to teach them manners. Sad. Just Sad.
IC says
Stay tuned for the messy, very public, rude and grammatically incorrect divorce where there will be much fighting between brides over same basket . . .
Too bad these women don’t know that a person’s time, given willingly, is the most precious gift.
Kelsey K says
When you attend a wedding, you should absolutely consider the cost of your meal and at least give a gift that reflects that cost. At my wedding several guests gave useless trinkets and frankly it was a slap in the face. However, I did not call them out at and instead thanked them for their thoughtfulness. If you are not willing to give a decent gift at a wedding, you should decline the invitation. That being said, the brides were completely out of line. There is a difference between being disappointed in a gift and lashing out about it.
Allison says
How in the world would you even know what the “cost of your meal” will be? Is that on the invitation? So many times, you would have no idea whether the reception will have a sit down dinner and if so, what would the cost be? Do you contact the facility of the reception and ask how much is costs to have a wedding there so you can “cover” that cost. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I am from the South, so maybe we were just raised differently. I would be horrified to get an invitation that told me to give a specific amount.
Laura says
I agree with Allison! Your guests have no idea what to expect at the reception. A gift should be something you feel the recipient would enjoy, something you took time to choose (based on what you know they would like) and what you can afford. If the hosts (and that is what the bride and groom are!) are worried about getting their investment back in gifts (which they shouldn’t!) they might just plan a cheaper reception.
Sometimes having someone you care about attend your wedding is more important than the gift they bring. Or not bring. I would rather have my loved ones there even if they didn’t bring a gift at all!
Your guests are your guests, you are their hosts, and it’s up to you to make sure they enjoy themselves!
Stacie says
I agree with most here in that the behaviors of the brides were inappropriate. When one invites people to attend their wedding, they should be inviting them out of the kindness of their heart that they would like their guests to share in the joyous occasion. I don’t know how a guest would know ahead of time the cost of the meal to be served; it would be very hard to come close to matching the cost of the gift with the meal. As one reply above stated; their wedding meal was $8/ plate. According to the bride’s logic, a gift of $16 would have been sufficient and I would be willing to bet that all of the guests spent more than that on the couples gift. At the brides’ cost of $100/per plate, an expected gift of $200.00 if out of reach for many of people; usually only family of the bride / groom spends that sort of money on a wedding gift. Any gift received should be acknowledged with a polite thank you note to the guest for his or her thoughtfulness and attendance. If a couple finds that the gift isn’t their style or isn’t needed, it could be returned (without the receipt if possible), re-gifted or donated without ever informing the gift giver. Truly rude behavior on the part of the brides.
Shells says
From a practical standpoint, the guests should not be responsible for their “cost of attendance” because they had no say in the budget. In most cities, you can buy yourself an excellent steak dinner with booze for less than $100. Also, I think the lesson learned here is that we should all buck up and decline invitations to weddings of individuals that we don’t have close relationships with. Heck, even those we have close relationships with if they are planning something too exorbitant for our budgets. I’m speaking from personal experience having recently (and very, very sadly) opted out of my sister’s Caribbean wedding.
CathyB says
1) It is a GIFT – not an obligation.
2) Invite the people that you would want to celebrate with regardless of if they give a gift or not. Of course, everyone has a few of those relatives or business relations that you invite because you are expected to; but in general if you start inviting people just to get more gifts then I think you are starting to tread into greedy waters.
3) You spend the amount you WANT to and are able to afford without going into debt on your wedding. Even if this means just having cake and punch at your reception. Don’t expect gifts to cover any of your expenses.
4) I felt strongly when I got married that we should pay for the tuxes and dresses for our wedding party. They agreed to be in our wedding, take time off work, and in some cases pay travel costs to be there. The least I could do was to pay for the clothing expense of MY wedding party. I realized that they probably would never wear the dress again, so I should buy it. If I had to cut out expenses in other areas to pay for this, or if I had to limit my party size, so be it.
Some of the best weddings I have been to have been ones done on a budget, where it was obvious that all they cared about was celebrating with family and friends.
Little House says
I agree with you – the brides were out of line. In my culture (traditional American I would say) the wedded couple generously throws a wedding event to celebrate their union and should never expect their guests to “pay” for the said wedding in gifts the guests bring. That would almost be saying, “You have to pay to attend our wedding!” How tacky! Technically, gifts aren’t mandatory, they are optional. Good etiquette suggests you bring a gift to a wedding, but there’s no written guide that says you MUST bring a gift. And for the gluten intolerant bride (I myself am gluten intolerant), I’m sure there was something in that basket she could have eaten and if not, oh well, her partner could have indulged!
Lisa says
I agree with you Mavis! You should not invite guests to your wedding with the intention of receiving a gift. I think many people forget what a wedding is all about…it’s not about materialistic objects.
Stacey says
I totally agree with you, Mavis! If the brides expected the guests to cover the cost of their dinner plates, they should have charged admission. Guests are invited to a wedding to share a special day, not to pay for the party.