I ran across an article the other day about a couple in Tennessee. The couple didn’t want to have to give up their own surnames, and also didn’t think it was fair for their subsequent children to have one parent’s surname and not the others. As a result, they created their own surname for the family, by mashing their two names together. They simply wrote the new surname on their children’s birth certificate and off they went. They even monogrammed their doormat with the new name {Sabr: a combination of Sarubbi and Abramson}.
That worked great for the first two kids, then baby number three came along after a move to Tennessee. Apparently, in Tennessee, they did not like this idea one bit. They received a letter in the mail saying that they couldn’t mash the names–baby number three could not be arbitrarily named Sabr {unless they wanted to pay the $150 for the paperwork to legally change their name, thereby creating a historical paper trail}.
Okay, so call me crazy, but I think this whole concept is just weird. The whole point of surnames is so that we can track our family history. It’s a way to record our history without too much effort. Maybe it’s not fair that women are the ones that lose their name, but let’s face it, your maiden name came from a man too {your father}, so really, it’s not that much of a stand. I can totally get behind hyphenated names because it allows future generations to easily decipher where everyone came from. BUT, mashing it up is just historical mutiny, people.
What do you think? Does a last-name mash up defeat the purpose of surnames, or am I just an admitted traditionalist stuck in my ways?
~Mavis
Butterflyweed says
I like the old fashioned way of naming children. Using the father’s last name and the mother’s maiden name for a middle name. Then everyone is honored and like you pointed out Mavis, future generations can find their family tree. The one exception I might make is if the father’s last name is really difficult to pronounce and spell. I grew up with a very difficult last name and always joked the number one thing I wanted in a husband was for his last name to be Smith or Jones. 🙂
Gina says
Well, let me offer my thoughts. My husbands family name is Derousseaux. When they came to America, no one could say that, let alone spell it. The “paper trail” shows the family name having several evolutions since immigrating, with one man’s name changing twice during his life time because people didn’t know how to spell. So, in tracing our family, we have Derousseaux, Derosaw, Deriso, Derrisaw, Derriso, De Riso, and Dearisew. This come from Census and Civil War records, and boat manifests and are our family. So, I think if people want both of their family Surnames to survive, but combine them into one, It’s no big deal, but I think they should file the paperwork legally so future generations can trace back. That’s my two coppers….
Sakura says
Where I live some people will mash up first names to come up with something for baby, but the last name mash up is new to me. I have a friend who hyphenated her name because no one else was left to carry on the family name. With that said, I’m with you on this one. It is a family name, and if anyone has ever searched out their family history its hard enough without mash ups!
Ruth Ward says
My middle name is my father’s mother’s name. This is because my grandmother’s only brother had passed away leaving only a daughter. Thus preserving the name. My father who was the first born child middle name is also his mother’s maiden name for the same reason. hyphenated names has it’s problems as well. Whose name goes first. I agree, mashing the names is rather silly and mutinous to both families. But until the early 1900’s people had their surnames messed up often especially when they immigrated to the USA. If the name was hard to pronounce or spell, it was often time mutated to something entirely different.
Susan S says
Meh… makes no difference to me. I have noticed that the topic really does get a strong reaction from others. I’ve kept my last name, since I prefer it professionally to my husbands. It’s how I’m known, how I’ve obtained my license, is easier to spell and pronounce for clients, etc… My children do have my husband’s last name, and I’m never offended when someone refers to our family by my husband’s name. When my husband makes reservations for us he always uses my name because it’s so much easier for folks to say and spell. This is one of those things that is trivial to me, but I understand and respect other opinions regarding tradition. In this day and age, where so much of our lives seem to be public information on the web, I don’t think it’ll be as hard for future generations to trace our family history. In fact, I actually think a little more anonymity would be refreshing at this point. Just my initial thoughts…
Kristina says
I actually like it. But I am also someone who kept my maiden name. I got married at 37. My name was my name, it is part of who am, personally and professionally. I wasn’t going to change it because my marital status changed. And since it turns out we can’t have kids, the whole “what last name do the kids get?” is a non-issue.
Leah says
I think you are a traditionalist stuck in your ways. You may also not mind the tradition of having a father give up his daughter’s hand in marriage. Or how about the vows that require a wife “honor and obey?” To me, all of our patriarchal traditions need to be questioned. My husband and I gave our daughter a mashed up surname, following the lead of my cousin who had done the same thing with her three daughters. Now that my husband is no longer, and is now my ex, my daughter still has her own name. I didn’t have to adopt his last name and then go through the hassle of legally changing it back. My daughter’s last name now represents both of her parents, and is a reminder to her that she is part of each of us, and loved by both of us. It is also hers alone. She is an individual. There is no one else like her. For that, I’m grateful.
I expect that when she gets married, she may want to drop it and adopt her husband’s name. She’ll probably shun our progressive ways in favor of “tradition.” That’s fine. But we got to name her what we wanted, and that’s important. Tennessee is just showing off how backwards it is. The funny part is, conservatives often want the government to “stay out of their personal business,” and yet, I’m guessing it’s conservatives who want to retain this tradition.
Finally, ancestry.com and other means of detecting historical lineage will make all arguments opposed to this option moot. (Unless you are so silly as to want to display your family crest or something).
Preppy Pink Crocodile says
I actually think it’s clever to create a new name. Women are no longer property and depending on your political stance, they are no longer a lesser human and are instead equal to men. Many women are the family bread winners these days. But they get jilted in the name of “tradition” all the stinkin time. I’m not saying I would do it myself, but I think it’s more of a don’t knock it till you try it sort of thing. And for most people, there’s only so far back you can go before you realize your last name was in fact changed at some point. For me it’s about four generations back. WHen my relatives came over from Germany, it was altered. So it’s not like my last name goes back to the beginning of time anyway.
I do agree with the state though that they need to register the name. I am not at all shocked that they created a new name but am totally shocked they didn’t think they needed to officially register it. That’s, to me, the really weird part of the story.
KK @ Preppy Pink Crocodile
Shannon says
I agree…just pay the $150 and be done with it!
Amy says
I’m not wild about the combined-name concept, but I also really don’t like the tradition of women giving up their own names and taking their husbands’ names. It feels so sexist and paternalistic to me, and doesn’t reflect the way I think about marriage. (I didn’t give up my own identity as a person when I got married, and I certainly didn’t just take on my husband’s identity!) With blended, step, and nontraditional families becoming more prevalent, using names to track family history makes less and less sense, anyway.
KAte says
I just got married last month and kept my maiden name. Not out of any particular notions of right or wrong though. It was just easier for me to not have to change any of my paperwork. I’ve been using one name for 30 years, the hassle of changing everything was daunting and I just skipped it. I asked my husband if he cared, and he didn’t. I figure if for $150 in paperwork fees you can change your name to anything you want, it’s not all that sacred unless you want it to be.
As a schoolteacher I can say one thing about hyphenated names, they don’t usually both get used. The kids end up picking one (usually the first) and using that one.
Cecily says
I think changing your name to your husband’s name is neither sexist or paternalistic. Rather, it is a sign of love and respect for your husband. I have a deep respect for my husband and am proud to bear his name, and my husband never fails to make me feel loved and cherished.
Lisa says
I remember reading a story in Ms. magazine about a guy who changed his name to his wife’s and all the hassle he got when tried to change things like his SS card and driver’s license. People just couldn’t wrap their head around it. I got married at 26, but didn’t change my name (doesn’t mean I didn’t love or respect my husband and we’ve been married 20 years now). Early on we got a credit card. One with his name and one with mine. Mine showed up with his last name. I called the credit card company and the woman I spoke with just couldn’t get it. I didn’t get a new card, but just wrote my actual name as my signature. When we had our son, we discussed what his last name would be. Not a big deal, we went with my husband’s. Even though I don’t believe in changing my name, I’m not overly crazy about it either. I am also aware that we could have picked a completely different third name. It’s a personal choice and there are no wrong answers. 🙂 Do your own thing. It’s all good.
Shannon says
I actually dreamed of mashing my last name with the first boy I ever had a crush on a looong time ago! I thought the mashed names were magical!!
I really liked my maiden name,and actually am still called by it at work (too hard to change mail, usernames, etc.). Legally, I took my husband’s name.
My husband and I briefly discussed this name mashing, but the combos just made us giggle. In general, I think name mashing is just fine. If we have kids, they will likely get surnames as middle names.
Kathryn Sanday says
A bit off subject, but first goat MiMi looked like a zebra so we mashed that to become a GoBra, the seod MoMo, looked like a cow becoming a CoGo so maybe their babies will be CoBras!!!
Jennifer says
I agree with Gina, who said if they file it legally, it can still be traced for family tree purposes. My husband and I actually both changed our last name to something completely new, but we paid the money to do it legally.
Karen at A Glimpse Into My Reveries says
I don’t really have a preference for other people. I took my husband’s name 30 years ago and never considered not doing so.
I knew of a couple who made up their own new last name when they married, it was a combination of the letters of both names. The wife told me that years later, they came to realize that they hurt her husband’s father by rejecting his name. She said if she had to do it over again, they wouldn’t. She said the joy and sense of adventure they felt did not carry the same weight as the unintentional hurt they caused.
Cathy says
Well, your logic is faulty. Last names aren’t necessarily for genealogy. Sometimes they were based on profession-Smith, sometimes location-any Von name means From. And as pointed out, people’s names were changed/butchered when they immigrated to the US. As for the mashup, ain’t no bodies business but theirs as long as the is no intent to be fraudulent.
Jen Y says
I think that if they want to change it, it should be changed legally. They need to do it to protect their children’s identities as well. The children need to be able to prove who they are legally. Their school records, medical records, ect need to be in their legal name.
I wouldn’t want to smash our names together & I didn’t realise what a pain names can be. We named our son after my husband – what a huge headache that has been once he reached driving age. It’s very difficult to keep their info seperate. I have to memorise SS #s, birthdays, ect. On top of that, they both work for the same company which means they both use the same insurance, same investment groups ect. My husband is established but our son has had such a pain proving he is a different person than his dad – trying to get all of his accounts set up & to keep them running smoothly. And that’s not all, there is a 3rd person by the SAME name working for this company in another part of the country. My husband noticed he wasn’t getting credit for some of his work – to find out it was being given to the other employee with the same name. So now there are three of them trying to keep things straight. Their name is a very traditional common name.
I guess if you have common names, smashing them together might be helpful.
Karin says
Here in Holland you can choose for your children either the fathers last name or the mothers. But all children should get the same last name. You can’t make up your own last name.
By the way, it is not that with marriage you as a woman can only choose between your own name or your husbands, your husband can also take your name. It says that spouses can take each others name if they want it. Traditionnally women take their mans name, but it can also be the other way around.
I kept my own name when I married and it saved me al lot of paperwork when I got divorced. Whatever happens, you will always stay the same person, with the same name you were born with. So it is easier with a lot of things for keeping your own name.
Nan C says
I subject close to my heart……You can legally name your child anything you want. When I got married, I had no desire to change my name to a boring last name (Carlson) and opted to keep my unique last name than I had had for 25 years (Caviezel). Shortly after, we started a company with mashed last names (Carzel – 1/2 of a Carlson, 1/2 of a Caviezel). We have 2 girls (8 & 16) who both have the mashed last name of Carzel – it’s unique, easy to spell and easy to pronounce. When I was pregnant with the youngest the oldest asked me, “Mom, can the baby have the same last name as me – I don’t want it to have a 4th last name…LOL” The only name issue we have in our house now is that the youngest has the given first name of Skylar (I didn’t pick it) but she has been called Pippi since day 1 – I really want to legally change it because that is the only name she has ever known and used and it’s starting to become a problem but hubby wants to stick with Skylar (even though I’ve never once hear him call her that)……………..and no it has no sentimental value to him (he and the oldest saw it an American Girl Doll book)….if I didn’t need his signature I would just go do it (since he doesn’t do any paperwork anyway).
Carolyn says
It’s the 21st century, so tracing your genealogy isn’t about tracing last names through family bibles, and besides, if your last name is Smith or Jones or Johnson, your last name isn’t going to make a difference anyway. And this family wanted to list the name on the birth certificate, which is a legal document, and lists both parents’ names and the child’s name – where’s the “hard to track genealogy argument there?” To me, this is just a thinly veiled version of “everyone should have to do it one way because that’s how everyone has always done it” and that argument doesn’t hold for me.
When my wife and I got married, we decided to combine our names, and we incorporated a thoughtful explanation into our wedding. We wanted to have a family name, and have our children have the same name as us, but neither of us felt comfortable taking the other’s name. I was attached to mine – I had used it for 30 years – and I wasn’t raised to expect (I’m a woman) that I would give it up for someone else’s name – or for tradition, or to spare anyone’s feelings. I’m a person, with my own identity, and I should get to choose the identity that works for me. My name is mine, not just something to “honor my family” or my spouse’s. I have friends that kept their name, or that took their spouse’s name, and those are all legitimate choices – but they should be the choice of the individual. My dad also didn’t give me away at my wedding, because guess what – I’m not his property!
It’s clearly traceable from our marriage certificate and our name change records so if some future descendant wanted to track me down, they would be able to do so. For the record, in MN this involves $400, substantial legal paperwork, and a court hearing, and it’s harder to change a child’s name, so I see why the parent didn’t want to go that route – not just because it’s a pain, but because it’s totally not accessible for low-income or low-educated folks. And the legal name change isn’t “registering” your name, it’s just to get a court document that shows your name has changed so you can use that to get a new drivers license, etc.
Nan C says
Well said (& written)!