How to Deal With House Guests — I don’t know about you, but I have come accustomed to having a ridiculous amount of {quiet} time to myself everyday. Now that the holidays are approaching, and with them, the impending possibility of house guests, I know that I am going to have to get used to a higher traffic/volume around my usually quiet existence.
It’s not at all that any of my family make annoying house guests {though, I have heard some horror stories from friends, let me tell you, Bob!} It’s more that it disrupts my routine–and for better or worse, I am a routine person. I like my little rituals, and I can only stand my zen being jostled for so long.
If you are in the same boat, or worse, have post traumatic stress disorder from previous family visits, here’s a couple of ways on how to deal with house guests and to ease up the tension and get through the holidays without a mental breakdown.
How to Deal With House Guests
Be Yourself.
What I mean is that there is no need to impress your guests by pretending to be someone your not. Don’t stress yourself out by cleaning until your hands are raw. If you usually live with a little clutter, that’s the deal they sign on for when they stay with you.
Of course, change the sheets and spruce up the place a bit, but not to the point of driving yourself to drink. Plus, you really don’t want them to be too comfortable, they might overstay their welcome.
Set boundaries.
When they plan a visit, let them know you would love to see them, but put exact perimeters on HOW long. Say, “We would love to have you on Saturday and Sunday. After that, we have to get back to business.”
Let criticisms roll off of your back.
Sure, your Aunt Zelda might think you baby your husband, or allow to many treats…but who cares? The more power annoying guests have over you, the less in control you feel.
Put a safety net in place.
For notoriously difficult houseguests, be sure and make plans before and after their visit. This allows a rigid time frame that they can stay–and your hands will be tied.
“I’m sorry, but we’ve already made plans for ____ and ____, but we would love to have you for a couple of days in between.” It’s a way better option than having to openly let them know you can’t stand it when they visit and stay too long.
Remember that your guests probably feel out of their routine too.
I think sometimes people think they have to spend every waking second together when they are visiting, but alone time is still good for everyone. Excuse yourself early and head to bed–curl up with a book or your laptop and let the day melt away.
Let your guests know that they are welcome to watch t.v. etc., but that you are saying goodnight. They will likely appreciate the downtime as well.
Offer to pay for a hotel.
Okay, I know this one is extreme, but if 24 hour a day guests drive you mad, maybe a hotel is in order. That way, they can still be at your house by day–eating your food, etc., but at night, you will be queen/king of the castle again.
It sucks because you may have to come out of pocket, but if it saves the holidays, it just might be your little gift to yourself.
You don’t have to entertain 24/7.
For extended stay visits, remember that you are not a professional entertainer. Any daily errands you need to do to keep your household running are fair play. Let your guest know that you are headed to do x,y, and z.
They are welcome to come along, or they can relax at home. Life shouldn’t stop, or you will start to feel more pressure.
Make a plan and do some pre-planning.
Find activities that your guests might like and break up the day with them. Also, ask your guests if they have any foods that they just can’t stand or that they love.
Plan to make the ones they love {though, it’s tempting to get them out faster by making the ones they don’t}. That way, there won’t be any awkward moments at dinner when your guest dry heaves at the sight of your meal.
Let guests take an active part in your life.
This one is a tough one for me. I like my kitchen to be just so, etc., but sometimes guests LOVE the opportunity to help out in your daily life–even if they really are getting a little more in the way than anything.
Let the MIL make her boy’s favorite casserole one night. Ask Uncle Arty to help out by getting the folding chairs out–or whatever. It gives everyone a little something to do and makes guests seem like a little less of a nuisance.
I totally get that having friends and family to share the holidays with is a more of a gift than a burden, but in the moment, when stress is high and space is at a premium, it can get a little tense.
So, those are my tips for how to deal with house guests. Here’s to hoping that your days with your family are merry and bright this holiday season {and if not, here’s to hoping that the egg nog never runs low}.
~Mavis
Tracey says
HERE HERE!! and also Cheers to you and your loved ones!
Erin says
I always give guests a list of things to do in the area. I let them know we’re happy to be home base but they should go explore while they’re here! That helps a lot by giving me space/downtime during the day.
NOT A HOTEL says
I made a huge folder of things to do for them and another folder of information, but they just keep asking me questions.
It’s horrible!
Mama Cook says
My stepmom has relatives that, notoriously, stay too long! Her new trick? After a set amount of time she puts bed bug spray on the nightstand!!! Then let’s her guests know she set it there, “just in case!”
Bwahahaha!!!!
Cheryl says
That is funny but a good idea.
Mavis Butterfield says
That’s pretty funny.
Diana says
We don’t have many overnight guests and the one we do have tend to tell us she is coming to spend the night versus asking if she may spend the night. Since it doesn’t happen very often, we have chosen to let it slide.
Our biggest problem occurs when we have a family gathering (15+ people) and some attendees rarely volunteer to help clean up which leaves my hubby and me exhausted! We don’t want to resort to having a white board greet them when they come in with their assigned “chores” before they leave! Suggestions?
Linda Sand says
You might try saying something like, “Sara, come help me do dishes so we get a chance to chat a bit.”
Linda Sand says
Another thing that happened to me: We were having Christmas at my father and step-mother’s house where we had all been kids. Dad had to tell us we were now the grownups so the rule to stay out of the kitchen no longer applied. It simply had not occurred to us that it was time for things to change.
Mel says
If it’s a dinner, do not move on to the next course until the previous one is packed up. “Okay, we need to get these plates cleared so that we can start dessert! Is anyone free to give me a hand?”
Also, set up as much as you can in advance. Put dessert plates on a sideboard, set the table, etc. Then you have less to do during the event and can keep things clean as you go.
Consider making it partly a potluck so that at least some dishes go home with people. For dishes you make, use foil pans (even if you set them inside nicer dishes to serve).
Bec in the PNW says
We have young children and no guest room, but love hosting occasional overnights. If you’re in the same boat, we set up our oldest, age 3.5, in our room. We put together a comfy bed on the floor in one of his play tents with a touch lamp night light. This lets us all sleep a little better and guests have privacy and quiet in his bedroom.
Noslo says
I like your suggestions. It’s nice to read a comment about the enjoyment of hosting family and friends. I hope you and your guests have a wonderful time over the holidays.
Lisa says
My dad’s strategy was to have a terrible mattress on the guest bed. He called it a two night mattress. He joked all the time that no one could stand sleeping on it more than 2 nights in a row. Whether he was serious or joking, it worked. No one stayed longer.
Linda says
People in the kitchen drive me crazy. One guest decided she would help me since I had to tend to a baby. She put the food into inappropriate dishes, using a large bowl for one dish that needed to be reserved for a different larger servings of food. So, I had to redo it and wash dishes and put the food into better serving bowls. Picture the large dish of potato salad left with no bowl because she had put the whole kernel corn in it, making the bowl look skimpy,
The same person on another visit decided to fold clothes for me. The thing is she folded the kitchen towels and such, storing them where I could not find them. I found the kitchen towels in my son’s closet, way in the back on a top shelf.
I was complaining to my mother. She said to tell her to clean the commode and shower.
I like the bedbug spray idea.
Practical Parsimony
HollyG says
We don’t do it often, but we have been known to break out the two 90+ pound hairy white dogs (Yellow lab/Mastiff and Maremma Sheepdog) and send the boys upstairs to practice french horn and trumpet. No one seems to want to hang around too long after that