I personally was a baby when I married the HH. I didn’t know squat about anything what I would need to put a home together. Whenever I get a wedding invitation, I love to look at everything on their list. It tells so much about the couple…if they are young, later in life, if they are already established, if they are traditional, etc. It’s actually a pretty good insight into the type of people they are…which is sometimes really helpful, because as we’ve gotten older, more often than not, they are invitations to wedding of our friends’, colleagues’, and neighbors’ kids, not our own personal acquaintances.
Since wedding season is quickly approaching, I thought it might be fun to throw together some tips for creating a wedding registry, from someone who has 20+ years of experience to go from. I figured you all could chime in in the comments section too, so that brides-to-be might have a better clue than I did when I was first starting out.
- Register at a couple of different locations {maximum of 3}. Make sure to choose at least one “box store.” I know that thought might make you cringe, but it makes it soooo much easier for people buying gifts in different states.
- Don’t be shy. It seems weird to ask for certain things, but you just never know what people are looking to buy. Maybe your work colleagues want to go in on a gift, and are looking for a larger ticket item.
- Only register for what you would actually use. I know this seems obvious, but there are things you might think you are supposed to have {like fine China}, if you are not a fancy dinner party sort of person, forego even asking for it.
- If you can’t agree with your partner, split rooms/items by who does them more. If you do the cooking, you register for the kitchen stuff and let him register for the BBQ {for example}.
- Register for a items with a wide price range, so that all guests feel comfortable filling your list, without over-extending themselves.
- Do a little pre-planning. Know how many place settings you want {based on your lifestyle/space} before you go in. Take stock of what you already have in your combined assets. Maybe between the two of you, you are set on towels.
- Don’t register for seasonal items if your wedding is still 6-12 months out. They won’t be available when it comes time for your guests to make the purchase. For example, that patio set, or the Christmas stockings.
- Make sure to ask the store to keep your registry active for at least 2 months after the wedding. Some people don’t get around to sending a gift until later.
- Don’t include where you are registered in your invitation. It’s considered a major faux pas. And if ever there were a million rules for how-to etiquette, it’s weddings. Don’t give your great aunt anything to balk at, the day will be stressful enough.
- SEND THANK YOU NOTES RIGHT AWAY. This is a big one. Show gratitude in a classy, timely manner. It matters.
Those are the “big ones” in my book. Do any of you have tips for someone registering for their upcoming wedding?
~Mavis
PattyB says
I’ve been married three times and I never had a registry. The first time I didn’t have very much at all. It was only family at the reception at my Aunt’s house. We received a lot of second-hand items from people. The second time, I had all the household stuff I needed but my new husband only had his stereo, TV and his car. I was single for 30 years before I met my soul mate. I had a house full of stuff, he had a bigger house full of more stuff. We had to make many trips to the Goodwill in order to make everything fit in one house (the big one).
First time brides and grooms probably need everything. Register away! Subsequent marriages probably not. For my third marriage we stated on the invite “no presents please, your presence at our celebration is present enough.” We had a lot of friends who had to fly in to our ceremony! I treasured that more than any material item.
Angela says
I’m getting married in three weeks (Eeeee!) and we have an unconventional registry. Both of us are in our thirties and have been living on our own for many years, so we already have all the stuff we need. More than what we need really. We’re registered with a website that lets people contribute money to our honeymoon. We’re fairly frugal people that wouldn’t typically spend a lot of money on traveling, so this is a great way for us to receive gifts that we’ll truly appreciate and enjoy.
Madam Chow says
Great hints, Mavis, I particularly like 8 and 10.
8 – people really need this extra time; emergencies crop up, as do financial difficulties.
10 – the HH and I sent out thank you notes the week after we got back from our honeymoon. His Honorable Parents were extremely pleased when numerous family members and friends came up to them afterward and told them how delighted they were when they received a PROMPT thank you note. To this day, I have a friend we sent TWO gifts to who never acknowledged either one, as well as a cousin. Not classy at all.
Tamara says
I am old and old fashioned. It is tacky to ask for cash, especially when sometimes the amount spent on the wedding/ reception could be a nice down payment on a house. A couple should take the honeymoon they can afford, not expect others to fund it. I realize many people today do not agree; I just believe that is the responsibility of the groom. If the couple have no need for typical household items (given to bless the couple just starting out) they can request donations to a charitable organization. A wedding is not a time to see how much “stuff” you can acquire, but a time to make a commitment and to enjoy loved ones celebrating with you. When we are invited to a wedding and money is the only thing listed on the register we send a gift card to a nice restaurant, a nice bottle of wine and an oil lamp!
jeri says
I was one of those brides who believed (or was convinced) that you should register for China, crystal and silver. Hogwash! I’ve been married almost 30 years and have maybe used them 20 times. What a waste. My in laws were very formal people, and they gave us a giant silver treat, which is beautiful, but also a waste. I think it was used twice, and resides in the same box we received it in all those years ago!
Sandra says
1. We registered for many more place settings of our everyday dishes and flatware than usual, because I assumed some would get broken or lost over time. I was right. Especially spoons…who knows where they go? Maybe they elope with the random single sock. I recommend picking a relatively simple pattern for your everyday, or you will be sick of it in no time.
2. Great Aunt Edna is going to give you something that is (a) obviously used, (b) hideously ugly, and/or (c) dear to her. Decide as a couple how you are going to handle that. And yes, you must write a gracious, prompt thank you.
3. When a friend of mine got married, she insisted it was wrong to open the gifts and write the thank-yous as they arrived. My mom told me that it is better to open them right away and write that note ASAP, or it becomes a crazy overwhelming task later. I kept my invitation list on index cards, and noted on each card what the gift was and when we mailed the thank you. (I am sure there is now an app for that.) After 29 years of marriage, I still remember who gave us what, and often thin about them when I use something we were given. (That does make it a bit harder to part with things we no longer need, though.) Also, budget for the thank you cards and postage. It can add up fast!
4. If you are a guest, send your gift ahead of time, using a service with a tracking number or via a store that tracks shipments. My mom mailed a large gift card to someone once, and the neighbor who was taking I the mail while the couple was away stole it (we think). Sending it via priority mail would have avoided many hard feelings all around.
Teckla says
All good tips! Seems like sending and opening gifts ahead of time dates back to around the turn of the century, but it’s a great idea as far as I’m concerned. It’s far easier to take care of thank yous as gifts come in than face a mile high stack later. But definitely keep good records, because sometimes things do fall apart before the wedding. Then you have to decide whether to return or keep gifts received pre-wedding as well as remember who gave what. But the main thing is do send a thank you!!! It bugs me when I don’t get one. I enjoy my friends and like to celebrate life with them so I try to choose gifts that make sense for that person/couple/family. Not to get any acknowledgement at all leaves me feeling like they don’t care whether I’m a friend or not. Besides, it’s just simple courtesy. Okay, I’ll get off the soap box now.
Mavis says
I so agree. A thank you is sooo necessary!
Emily says
We had a traditional registry as we were just out of school and needed household items, but my good friend getting married this summer has a wonderful honeymoon registry. She has each part of the trip (tours they would like to go on, train passes, even boarding for each of their dogs) listed as a separate gift. I’m having so much fun looking at what they have planned for the trip and deciding what piece I’d like to give them. I think this is just as tasteful as a traditional registry and they won’t end up with a bunch of stuff they don’t need for their already full home.
Mavis says
Plus, you know me and experiences. I’d rather pay for travel than “stuff.” How fun to follow that journey of theirs.
Julie says
I wish there was a way on registries to be a little less specific. Sometimes, yes, you want that specific color/size/pattern. But sometimes you just want an iron — any iron — without really caring or even knowing about brands and model numbers.
Leslie says
Avoid cheap dish ware! Ugh. I didn’t want to see greedy, so I registered for cheap stuff at Bed, Bath and Beyond.
Tips for guests:
SHOP THE REGISTRY, and please include gift receipts.
or, give everyone’s favorite gift to receive… cash 🙂
Judy T says
and if you wrap the gift yourself, put the card on the inside. The “helpers” who put the gifts in the car after the wedding, pulled off the loose cards. I had a stack of gifts and a stack of cards and no idea who gave what…… That was a stack of awkward thank you notes……
Mavis says
Oh man, that sounds terrible. Sometimes people are too “helpful!”
Laura says
Or, put two cards. One inside and one outside so if they get separated they are identifiable.
Ellen in Clackamas says
I love the idea of “buying the honeymoon”. One of my friends is getting married this summer and both she and her fiance have been on their own for years and just recently bought and furnished a house together. They don’t need anything and no one wants to give them something goofy or unneeded. They have their own web page and the registry is there. You can buy them a glass of wine or dinner appetizers or just contribute to the trip,etc.. And gifts can be purchased in small increments so if you want you can buy a $20 certificate toward a spa or dinner or….. They certainly can afford all of this on their own but have made it easy to give them a useful “gift”. And they get all these cards that tell them things like “So & So” contributed toward your dinner tonight.
AlysonRR says
I registered for place settings of some nice Dansk pottery (~$35 each 25 years ago). My cousin registered for a set of daily china ($80/place setting) and a set of fine china ($130/place setting).
Neither of us had family/friends above upper middle class, and most were far below that level of income.
So I got 13 place settings of the pottery. And my cousin got 2 place settings of her fine china, which she returned and got credit toward her daily china.
My husband and I have added different plates, and we’ve lost quite a few pieces to breakage, but we still use the pottery 25 years later.
Register for gifts your guests can afford, with a few “I wish, I wish” items. But if you keep your guests’ budgets in mind you will receive more of the things you want. Use cash for the rest 🙂
Brenda says
Great tips! We took the “Don’t be shy” route and decided to have a cash registry. :p
Since showing our heartfelt gratitude in a classy is very important for us, we created our registry on Envelope Registry. Envelope provides the option to help write, print and post personalized thank you cards.
Viv says
Liked the idea of personalized thank you notes. Checked out the website, loved it, registered. Thanks!
Leah says
Great tips! But while you should have different gifts at all price points (definitely) you should also think about the type of guests attending the wedding. For example, a traditional registry for people who are the kinda old-school types (and for you, obviously) and maybe a… REI registry, for guests willing to go outside of the box with their gift. Thanks for the tips!
Rhonda says
An article worth bookmarking for every bride-to-be. I especially agree with the tip about sending thank you notes right away. I’m using enveloperegistry.com as they help us create customized thank you cards and send it to each guest.