I can count on one hand how many times I have eaten alone in a restaurant. I just can’t do it. I feel weird.
The HH, on the other hand, has no problem eating alone or even going to a movie by himself {something I have NEVER done before}. It feels so awkward to just sit and stare at your plate…or worse, get busted people watching. I know most people just scroll through their phones and let the outside world pass unnoticed, but my phone doesn’t hold my attention for all that long.
While eating is a pretty social experience, being able to go it alone has its perks. For one, I could totally try the restaurants that I know my kids, husband and friends wouldn’t be up for. I could just go in there, and have a moment…by myself. The movie thing I could take or leave, mostly because I am happy to wait for it to come to Amazon or Netflix and watch it in my p.j.’s.
In an effort to step outside of my comfort zone, I decided to research tips for making dining solo a little more bearable. Here’s what I found:
- Sit at the bar or the counter. It’s basically made for single sitting situations, so you won’t really stand out. There will likely be some stranger next to you, but the rest of the restaurant won’t know you don’t know him. Plus, if you don’t talk the whole meal, it will just look like you’ve been married a long time and said everything you need to say already.
- Start small. Do lunch, not dinner. People kind of expect soloists at lunch. It’s a quick bite to eat before you head back to work…no biggie.
- Bring a book or a magazine. You can use your phone too, if that is your preference. If you are absorbed in something else, it won’t feel so awkward.
- Be brave with your selection. This is it…the chance you’ve been waiting for, try what you want. Order an appetizer and dessert. You’re not going to see these people again. Plus, you’re alone, so go ahead and order extra onions and garlic. You can walk it off. 🙂
- Throw your shoulders back and make no apologies. If you feel awkward, it will show. Act like you own the place, and odds are, no one will take notice of you. {I know, I know, odds are no one gives a doo-doo whether you are alone or not, but it FEELS that way when you are awkwardly trying to find a place to look.}
- Embrace the opportunity to people watch. Don’t be rude or tacky, but just a casual observer or human nature. That’s all I am saying.
- Bring plenty of cash and change. That way, you don’t have to sit around awkwardly waiting for the server to return with your card.
- If you partake, order a beer or a glass of wine straight out of the gate. It may make you care a heck of a lot less about being alone in the first place.
- If your nerves are raw and you are looking to get in and get out, check out the menu online before you go in. That way, you’ll know what you want and can expedite the experience.
- Avoid rush hour. Start with off-hours for dining. 5 p.m. dinner will yield a lot lower crowd than say 7 p.m.
Am I crazy, or is eating out alone hard? Do YOU eat out alone without feeling self-conscious?
~Mavis
Katie W says
I have absolutely no problem eating (or going to movies) alone. But I am also an introvert so I like being alone. I also enjoy (covert) people watching haha
Lisa says
I’m with you, Katie. Except I’m an extroverted introvert. And an only child (with an only child). I do oodles of things by myself.
Preppy Pink Crocodile says
Me too- to all of that!! I actually prefer movies solo. I have no issues going to concerts or theater solo either. When I was in college, the city’s big theater where all the traveling broadway shows, etc came, was on our campus. And students could get day of tickets for $5. I saw every show (often many nights), ballet, concert, and lecture from the first or second row simply because I was willing to go by myself. There’s always a single ticket left in the good section the day of! Always! Plus, I felt no pressure to small talk all night and could just relish in my favorite past time of people watching. #PerksOfBeingAnIntrovert
The eating out solo I think is in people’s heads. Honestly people travel so much that I think restaurants barely blink at you asking for a table for one. Lunch solo is the perfect gateway meal if you are in the mood to spend the day by yourself. I promise it’s a perfectly normal experience.
KK @preppycrocodile
Diana says
Going alone is no problem for me, whatsoever. I dine, go to movies, and even occasionally go to concerts alone. Shoot, I’m going alone to camp out at a music festival for 3 days this weekend. It is impossible to feel ‘alone’ with tens of thousands camping around me and all enjoying the music. It is better when I have one or more friends who want to go along, provided we have mutually similar travel habits and all like the music/entertainment. Otherwise, going alone is better than going with someone I’ll feel awkward with, or who won’t really enjoy the experience.
Katie W says
I feel the same way! I love going places with friends, but I think I enjoy solo excursions better. Then I can do what I want, as slow/fast as I want, and when I want. I don’t have to worry about whoever is with me getting bored or not enjoying themselves. Although if it’s an event where I’m required to talk to people, I’d much rather not go alone.
PattyB says
I also feel awkward. Especially for dinner at a more upscale restaurant. I always bring something to read. Movies I’ve never done alone. I just feel vulnerable there alone.
Diana says
I can count on 2 hands the number of times I’ve NOT eaten alone at a restaurant in the last 15+ years. At first it felt awkward, but after a couple of times, it isn’t a big deal. If you find a restaurant you really like, after going solo there a few times, you get to know the staff and they kind of look out for you – and they even remember your drink/food preferences sometimes.
What I won’t do is go out to a bar or nightclub alone. Too scary. I did it as a young woman but the older I get, the more freaked out about it I get.
Dana says
Sorry, yes this is a teeny bit nuts. How does one manage to never do things alone?
Doing things alone is just part of life. I can’t think of many things I haven’t done alone at least once. I even went to an amusement park, – Coney Island -, alone. I’ll ride the roller coaster my way and as many times as I want thank-you-very-much.
Have been to the movies alone, a Broadway play alone, – SO much better than with a pain in the ass person that won’t shut up -, rock concerts, out to dinner, lunch, breakfast, I’ve vacationed alone, etc.
Please, break free and get out there alone and see how great it is to do what you want, when you want, in your own way! It’s freeing and totally awesome!
It pays to be a little bit selfish every once in a while!
Carol says
I agree, Dana! Doing things solo is a lot of fun. With practice it gets easier. I have enjoyed movies, dining, concerts (jazz) and even theme parks all by myself. I recently accompanied my husband to a conference near Disneyland. I went to Disneyland and California Adventure alone – it was awesome!! Very freeing and fun to do what I wanted….I rode the California Screamin roller coaster 4 times in a row! Bonus: those Single Rider lines great and I met some nice folks while we waited in line. Step out of your comfort zone, people…it’s worth it! 🙂
Monica says
I do eat out alone all the time. Not a big deal at all. It’s usually just lunch but sometimes dinner and it’s not weird at all. I think i was nervous, a long time ago, but got over that really quick 🙂
Helen says
In my younger years I never would have eaten out alone. However, I have learned the solitude is nice at lunch time which is my break away from the office. I always go to a familiar place though.
Kristina Z says
I’ve got another one: if you are in the mood for company, and depending on the restaurant, chit chat with your server. A bar or counter is especially conducive to this type of interaction. I waited tables all through college at a diner-type restaurant, and really enjoyed chatting and getting to know all of the nice customers who came through. It wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but I always enjoy it when I’m alone, now that I’m the customer and not the waitress.
Jeanie says
I eat alone in restaurants all the time. I usually do have my Kindle with me or a magazine because reading while I eat is a guilty pleasure, but I have no trouble eating alone. I am a slow eater in a family of fast eaters so I love it. I would have no problem seeing a movie alone but I like watching movies in my bed so that probably wouldn’t work.
My husband travels and my kids are out of the house so I have a fairly solitary life. I happen to love it but I know it is not for everyone. I just got back from 2 weeks in England on a trip I took alone without too many bumps. And I ate alone three times a day, toured multiple places in London alone (my husband would have gone crazy spending 4 hours in Westminster Abbey) and generally had a wonderful time.
I also drove in the left for the first time and while it took some initial getting used to and I cried twice because it was hard…I did it.
Jeanie says
I have to add that traveling alone I have always met the most helpful people including a wonderful young Sikh man who carried my bulging Vera Bradley (the HUGE one) through Heathrow and all the way to my cab. Plus so many other very helpful folk. I am 50 years old and so not young and cute. It wasn’t a pickup technique!! Not by far. I think when you are vulnerable and kind to others, they are kind to you.
Teresa says
I applaud all of you that travel alone! I have eaten out alone, gone to movies alone but still have to work up the courage to travel alone. I have gone camping alone though. Well, me and the dog. 🙂
jfred says
Oh my gosh, I LOVE eating alone! I am picky about my restaurants….I want peacefulness, great service, and to sit by a window if possible. I like to stare out the window, lost in my thoughts! I often bring along a book, and I read, and think, and stare. It’s so wonderful to be lost in my own thoughts! I have two kids, and I homeschool, so it’s children 24/7 around here! I fulfill the needs of my family and listen to all the chattering and answer the 88336499940077625244448662292999 questions every single day. So those days I can slip away and be alone….ahhhhh! I luke NOT cooking the food. I like NOT being the one who has to get up 15 times to get something. I like that SOMEONE ELSE fills MY cup with water, and brings me my food, and caters to MY NEEDS. It’s amazing.
The first time I enjoyed eating alone was when I waitressed, way back before I was married. I worked at a litrle restaurant in a tourist area….and the summers were brutal! I left work after one particularly hard day, went to my favorite Mexican restaurant, and just sat, dazed. The waiters were so quick to take care of everything I needed, and they were fast and quiet, and I sat back and savored every bite and savored someone taking care of me. My tip was larger than my bill that night. Lol.
Beth says
I am on a business trip this week and I ate dinner alone the last 2 nights and likely will again for the remainder of this trip- I don’t mind it all- the other option would be to go with others attending this conference to restaurants- I would rather be by myself so that I can eat what I want to and be done when I want to be.
KAte says
I eat alone ALL THE TIME. I always have a book in my purse, so I get to eat and read. Maybe chat with the staff a little. Sometimes people look at me a little funny, but I don’t really care. There are some pluses to eating alone too; You get the whole breadbasket to yourself, you can spread the whole butter allowance on one item and ask for more without being judged by your table-mate. You can eat your food at any pace you’d like,fast or slow. If you’re sitting at a place with a TV you can watch the game (or whatever) uninterrupted.
Karen Coghlan says
I too have eaten alone in restaurants, and noticed people watching… It was uncomfortable for me… But if I were alone I would not have a problem going to a restaurant to eat… thank you for the tips. 🙂
Cheryl says
I go to movies and eat alone all the time…I am single, so that tends to go hand in hand. The only thing I dont particularly like doing alone is traveling as I have a hearing impediment. Airlines especially suck for the hearing impaired…how easy it is to miss the announcements! I tend to miss things thanks to not being able to hear and traffic especially scares me if I am not familiar with the area.
Lana says
Okay, tip #1 cracks me up because we have been married over 37 years and talk continually. This gets us into trouble with other empty nester age couples. They don’t say anything but we get dirty looks from the men that say, ‘Will you just shut up before my wife expects her to talk to her?’. Sorry guys but we like to talk to each other!
Lana says
‘me to talk to her’ oops
Beks says
The summer after I graduated college, I ate by myself at restaurants a lot because I had a roommate who would constantly break plans with me, and I finally said F it, and started enjoying restaurants and movies and shopping alone. I get so much done, I don’t have to worry about people talking, I can eat without judgement (usually). It was actually pretty liberating for awhile. Haven’t done it in awhile, though. In fact, the last movie I saw by myself was “Veronica Mars,” on a Monday morning, absolutely alone in the theater back in March 2014. It was Heaven.
Melanie says
Yes. I am another of those who is fine/enjoys doing things alone, even though I enjoy my family and friends. I learned a little trick in my days at a huge university and then perfected it in Paris subways in the 1980s:
You can watch people while you are kind of looking at the entire panorama. You won’t have those embarrassing ‘caught you staring moments’ and you may com across as mysterious and very cool.
Shay says
I do not really enjoy going out to eat alone, although on business trips I do and once in awhile I will during lunch at work, but that’s it. When I do, I like to bring my kindle or tablet and hope the place has wifi available. I’ve never been to a movie alone either, although I’m trying to work up to that. Most of my life I’ve either been married or with a significant other, so now I’m in my 30s and trying to explore life by myself. I feel inspired by many on this board and think I should plan a solo “date” and treat myself to a trip to a museum, dinner and a movie 🙂
pamela sheppard says
I can count on 1 finger the times I have gone out to eat alone! It was for breakfast with a book! Movies I have done a few times. I did brave an overnight trip once. I guess all in all I’d rather stay home if I don’t have someone to go with. I find it more fun if I have company. Yes, you can probably say I am missing out on life…but the anxiety at the thought of doing those types of things alone far outweighs any fun I might have!
Mavis says
Then don’t do it! I’d say only do it if it makes you happy.
Jen Y says
I eat alone often though I don’t like to. Sometimes I just can’t do it either & grab something I can eat in the car. I don’t have a cell phone so can’t browse that but I sometimes carry something to read. I usually just people watch or watch out the window.
I’ve gone to a movie alone once & had the best time ever! My son was in high school & we had a power outage. The two of us couldn’t bear to sit at home so hubs went to bed & we went to the late movie – it started at 11:30PM…something I never do! I wanted to see Captain America & I can’t remember what he saw. I was the only person in the theatre except for two teen boys. I so enjoyed myself; I cried, smiled, laughed…. with no worries about embarrassing my husband or son.
My son was the only person watching his movie.
Lissa Beebe says
I love to eat and watch movies solo! I’m a super extrovert, so sometimes I just want some peace and quiet. I can pick exactly where I want to eat, what time, how long I stay, etc… I even traveled to Italy by myself for a 5 week sabbatical (before husband and child)– and I don’t speak Italian. It was heaven! I met wonderful people and had a fantastic time. I’m happily married with a six year old. Time by myself lets me recharge. Every year for my birthday I treat myself to a facial, lunch solo and a movie all by myself. I love it!
Leslie says
I used to fly solo all the time! Not as much now that I’m married. I always met interesting people when I was dining solo, or at a concert solo. I met lots of cool people and had lots of good times that way. My tip is to stay sober- pass on the booze and keep your wits about you.
Cheri says
I’m married with five children and love my family a lot, but I am an introvert who needs recharge time. I love to eat by myself, as long as I have an engrossing book. I’ll go most places by myself, in fact. My husband and I don’t even mind letting each other travel by ourselves, though we enjoy traveling together, too. I’ve been to Israel (on a tour) by myself, and he’s been on trips without me, as well, such as a missions trip. The only thing I really don’t like to do by myself is visit places that have a party-like atmosphere, such as an amusement park or a fancy restaurant. I don’t think that would be much fun.
I eat Alone says
I eat alone because I’m am alone. Sometime as I sit alone in my apartment I want to treat myself none else will. I have had my food bust as I went to the bathroom this has happen a few times (I also tell staff Im going to the bathroom) . “The treat for myself” turns in to a soul crushing event. I have not paid yet so the restaurant staff has made the decision that I must be a thief “a dine and dasher.” I talk to the manger and they put the blame on me I should have left something of value at the table and or bar like my keys, phone. ect. Has this happen to anyone else? Any advice on how to make a service industry that I’m paying to treat myself not make me feel smaller or that much more alone before I paid them to service me?