The holidays bring a lot of gray areas when it comes to gift-giving and tipping. I mean, if I tipped or gave a gift to everyone who helped me in any way during the year, I’d be broke…and exhausted. Still, there a several people who keep me up and running–literally and metaphorically, and I like to show them a little love and appreciation.
Let me go on record by saying I think tipping varies a ton depending on where you live in the country {or outside of it}. And while I am sure EVERYONE who performed a service for you {i.e. the garbage man, the postal carrier, UPS carrier, hair stylist, etc.} would love to receive a little monetary thank-you, I don’t think it’s possible or necessary to tip them all with money…or even a gift.
Sometimes I think expectations have gotten a bit out of control with the long list of people we are supposed to thank monetarily. I mean, I don’t mean to go all Christmas with the Kranks here, but in general, I think we feel over-obligated to provide a gift to far too wide of a reach of people. The point is to express your gratitude for the value they bring to your lives, and there a million ways to do that.
Here’s what I propose: Start by making a list of people who help you throughout the year. Make it as long as Santa’s naughty and nice list, if you like. Really dig in. Then, go through and highlight the ones that made such a powerful impact that not acknowledging them would be a crime. Those are the ones who should get a gift or a tip, in my opinion. I would think outside of family, it is relatively small {unless you are a business owner or something along those lines}. The rest should get a heart-felt thank-you/Christmas card. Make it personal. Make it sincere.
Now for the highlighted list: The general rule of thumb with tipping during the holidays is to tip the equivalent of one full service. So, if you are going to tip the babysitter, tip her the equivalent of one full evening out. Some service providers can’t accept cash, but can accept baked goods, or gifts that total under $20 in value {this is the case for the Post Office}. You’ll want to check company rules before you potentially put them into a pickle by throwing cash at them.
I think in most areas, a gesture still goes a long way; a plate of cookies or a giftcard for a free coffee both say thanks, without potentially breaking the bank. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, but I don’t think anyone should feel obligated to tip if it isn’t in their budget.
How do you decide who to tip and gift during the holidays? How you decide how much or what to gift?
~Mavis
photo credit photo credit
AshleyAshley says
When I was younger my mother would buy a box of thin mint cookies and wrap them with a thank you card for people like the mail man, our bus driver, our teachers, etc. It was the thought not the gift. The cookies were not expensive, it was the thought that counted.
Mavis Butterfield says
A box of Thin Mints would make a lovely gift!!
Andrea says
This post really makes me realize how isolated I am. I have no idea who delivers my mail or picks up the trash as I have never seen them. Even though I live in a rural area, I leave for work before dawn and don’t get home until late. The disadvantage of living rural is you have to drive distances to go to work. But unfortunately my list would be very short. Mainly the kid’s teacher and daycare worker. I never remember my parents doing this except for my teacher.
Lynda says
Thanks, Mavis! My usual practice? Think of all the people I’d like to thank with a gift, get anxious and overwhelmed, and end up doing almost nothing. Yup, “over-obligated” and “far too wide of a reach…” Thank you for a dose of common sense.
Jen says
Well said. I never quite understood the idea of tipping someone you tip already, all year long, like your hairdresser. I am all for a small gift for the mailperson or garbage people since they are probably not getting much love over the year. 🙂
Lunch Lady says
I usually tip the hairdresser all year long the same with waiters. I work with literally 50 people on a daily basis. Some I would love to gift others not so much. Years ago when we had small children and a smaller budget, I would tell my co-workers “I have a gift for you, it’s just the right size, won’t make you gain weight and you won’t have to return it!” Then I would say I’m handing out hugs for Christmas. Corny as this sounds I never had anyone say no thanks. I would say Merry Christmas and I appreciate you and all you do. Give them a big bear hug, one like you really mean it. Everyone hugged back and said the same to me. Cost nothing but a few seconds out of my day. I’ve even had people ask for their Christmas hug the following years.
Lindsey says
I think the thought behind your hugging is sweet but I know I am not the only person who detests being hugged by non-family (even some family!) members. I finally learned to just say, “No, thank you, I don’t enjoy hugging or being touched,” rather than endure hugs that were unsolicited. I have taught my children that they should never worry about being considered rude when it comes to others giving them unwanted/unsolicited hugs. I finally stopped going to Catholic mass because I detested all the false bonhomie of hand shaking and clasping. I like being touched but not under the guise that it is a gift someone is giving me!
Lunch Lady says
Lindsey,
Yes I can totally understand your point. I should have been more clear. These are not strangers but people I have worked with for nearly 20 years. People I want them to know I was thinking about them but did not have the finances to gift or tip them. I would never presume a stranger would want me hugging them. Not in the guise of a ‘real’ gift, just something to say I value our friendship.
Lace Faerie says
Very sweet of you!
Deborah from FL says
You know what I was thinking the whole time I read that article (which was excellent by the way)?
I imagine you have a lot of gratitude for the efforts of your UPS people! HA!
Seriously though, in such a case, where you have varying drivers, how do you handle that? Tip them each? I’ve always wondered about that…
sarah says
Mostly it’s just the kids teachers and the bus driver and monitor. I might grab a small gift card for them to amazon and the local coffee store. I also grab a coffee gift card for the mail lady too. Nothing big but she is nice enough to walk packages to my door vs leaving them at my box(i’m deemed rural so they don’t have to leave at the door) And that’s it for the holidays.
Oh and food… unless you know them really well, stick with sealed items. When i use to work at a bank, we only kept the food that was sealed or if management knew them we could except homemade goodies. i know most of my teacher friends say food gets tossed if they don’t know the family. or they leave it in the break room.
MerryMouse says
I like to do things for the people in my life that do things I don’t want to do! The guys at the gas station who fill up my car and stand out in the rain, get a big plate of cookies. There is absolutely no refusal of home baked goodies and their reactions are hilarious! Also the car wash guys.
Monica says
This year, there is one group of people that I really want to gift and it is the ladies and gentlemen that work at the pharmacy I go to. They are all, well mostly all, very friendly and provide excellent customer service. I am there often getting my husband’s medications and they all know me by name. I was thinking of making some baked goods, but thought that might be weird so I will probably just buy some type of goodies for them to enjoy! Also, we always tip our waiter/waitress well when we go out to eat, but during the holidays we always try to leave a few more dollars.
Candice C says
I recently discovered that postal workers cannot accept monetary gifts and if you go generous and give them a cookie tray they are required to share it with other postal workers at post office. I don’t feel like tipping them because the line is usually out the doors and spilling over to the lobby and yet one lone worker waits on all in a post office with four service checkouts. So, I am only giving my mail carrier an individual gift of homemade treats. And also the carrier who only works on Saturdays. I like to bring a cookie tray to the police station each year. They put their lives on the line every day and need a little appreciation. Merry Christmas Mavis.
Lace Faerie says
I am sure all generosity is appreciated and it’s very nice of you to remember your carriers. But perhaps you might consider the fact that the one clerk in a four window office is now means that he is doing the work of four people. The work of four people for people who are tired and grumpy and can’t wait to rip into the poor guy or gal about just exactly how long a wait they had. Now, imagine you are that one clerk and have to go to the bathroom, now what? We won’t even bring up breaks that are forgotten or lunches not taken, having been postponed till the line goes down and it never does, just picks up and gets longer the closer to 5 it gets. Something to think about, huh?
Mary Ann says
We have a service business in Southern California and we give towers of chocolates and wine to each one of our customers. (I make them myself each year with See’s Candies, Russell Stovers, Hershey’s, and a bottle of wine taped on top all wrapped in cellophane with a big bow.) We’re a small company, but that still costs us thousands of dollars every Christmas.
Even though we provide a service there has only been one company in our 28 years of being in business that actually tipped our technician’s. Christmas bonuses are up to us.
I also tip my hairdresser $30 on a $90 service every time, so I don’t feel that anything additional is warranted at Christmas. She’ll get her normal tip when I see her on the 19th.
I always leave a box of See’s Candy in the mailbox for our guy, but it always seems to be different UPS guys every day around the holidays, so we stopped tipping them. We give our lawn care workers each a gift card to Applebee’s every year, and a gift card to our cleaning girl. Other than that, I think it’s pretty much just gifts for the family and friends.
Christmas is very stressful for me. It used to be my favorite holiday, but I could totally do without it these days!
Jen Y says
I have always struggled with this. I grew in in poverty & my parents never tipped anyone – literally. We never even once that I can ever remember went out to eat at a sit down restaurant. So when I was on my own & struggling financially I never tipped either. As I became financially stable I think it bothered me that it was expected…..a thankyou should be from the heart, not required & it always made me feel less of a person to be measured by how mush I tipped.
Saying all of that, I consider myself a generous tipper for the most part though I never tip at Christmas except for eating out for sit down meals. I tip through out the year. I want my tips to be unexpected & I want people to feel encouraged with them…it’s expected at Christmas so it really doesn’t mean as much.
I also tip other ways. For example my salon is on Main street in my little town. On Halloween Main street merchants give out candy to trick-or-treaters. Our little tiny town gets hundreds of kids from around the county & I believe that’s a lot to ask merchants to pay for. So I always buy bags of candy & deliver them to my salon. I think looking for ways to say thank you throughout the y ear means much more to the recipient than a ‘required’ thank you for the holidays.
Jessica says
You don’t happen to live in Snohomish do you? My boys love to trick or treat on our Main Street every year!
Mavis says
I LOVE the idea of tipping in different ways! That candy gifting thing was so thoughtful!