I found an article on treehugger the other day that totally stuck with me, and I wanted YOU to weigh in.
Basically, it argued that kids don’t have enough unscheduled, unstructured playtime. We {we, being the parents} over-schedule them with music lessons, dance lessons, sports, language, tutoring, etc. We hope the opportunities will expose them to all the world has to offer, but in exchange, they are losing their creativity skills–creativity skills that are built when all rules are off and sheer ingenuity can take hold.
It does seem like the “lazy days of summer” are a thing of the past. Most of the kids I know are busy with summer camps, swim teams, art lessons–you name it. And I’ll be the first to admit, it’s probably got a little something to do with the parents needing to find ways to occupy their time so that they can get some work done {after all, adults are stretched just as thin as kids, I think sometimes}. But part of me thinks in an effort to produce amazingly well-rounded kids, we are somehow stifling their development.
My dad used to say boredom was “good for you,” which at the time, was impossibly annoying, but he might have been onto something {don’t tell him that}. 🙂 Boredom eventually breeds creativity as a solution {though, it sometimes breeds trouble-making too}. I used to love it when my kids got bored enough that they would come up with a game together–they’d build a fort, “play hotel”, or whatever.
I loved watching their imaginative play, and I was always super careful not to get involved and stifle what they had going. Looking back, I cherish the days we had no where to be and nothing to do. It’s when their personalities really shined.
The article cited a study done on rats and monkeys who were denied basic play. When they were then introduced to mildly stressful situations, they weren’t willing to explore their environment. When they were introduced to other animals, they displayed aggression and panic. The lack of play somehow affected their ability to appropriately interact with the world. I know this is extreme, but the point is, animals {including our wild little kiddos} really need a chance to “play” in order to make sense of the world.
What do YOU think, are we over-scheduling/over-structuring our kids? Do we need to make more time for play?
~Mavis
Photos courtesy of Mama’s Minutia
JC says
Sometimes there aren’t other options to scheduled play. I live in a new community of homes that are 2000-2500 sq ft, 3-5 bedrooms, Jack n Jill bathrooms, obviously meant to house families with kids. BUT our yards are only 15-20 ft deep and xeriscaped with pokey plants and rocks! You can’t even get a swingset in there. There is no way to play out there, especially when it’s 100 degrees in the summer. There are no parks within walking distance either, and the local schools lock their playgrounds in the summer. What are we to do? Obviously when this neighborhood was planned these things weren’t as important as making as much money as possible with the size of land available. The homes also don’t have ANY front yard facing windows so we can’t even let our kids play outside and be able to keep an eye on them from indoors (but since my neighbors house is only a few feet away from mine I can clearly see into their bedroom from mine if both our shades are up). There’s no feeling of community because everyone stays locked up tight indoors rather than being social in each others yards like we did growing up many years ago. My community is struggling with childhood obesity and I firmly believe that not having anywhere to play outside is a huge contributing factor. Sometimes, scheduled playtime is the ONLY time kids get any kind of physical activity outside of school. I understand they aren’t getting the free time you are asking about, but SOME activity and mental stimulation has got to be better than none.
Hank's Dad says
Wow!
Let’s look out of the proverbial box (or perhaps cookie-cutter box home) here for a min. 15-20 feet may not seem like a very large size to a full grown adult, but to a child, that is massive. I grew up in a condo with a backyard smaller than that (12’x12′) on a concrete slab and found myself pretending I was Michael Jordan with my mini basketball and hoop. Or, I would grab some chalk and turn into a little Picasso. Didn’t want to play in the backyard? No problem! The sidewalk provided plenty of entertainment for us kids in the neighborhood. We would race our Big Wheels (remember those?), skateboard or play tag. In the summer we would have water balloon fights or play with our GI Joes and Hot-Wheels. (Insert girl or unisex toys for my examples. It’s the same idea)
What I see in your post is “can’t! can’t! can’t!” and a lot of blaming. If the nearest playground isn’t within walking distance, DRIVE your kids to the nearest one! Or, if they’re old enough, let them ride their bikes there. Maybe going to the park and reading a book or just closing your eyes under a tree will be good for you, too. There are ALWAYS options. I would recommend reading The Power Of Play, by David Elkind.
It seems like we want to find reasons WHY things aren’t working instead of looking for solutions on HOW to make things work. Excuses, blaming and finger-pointing. It’s a pandemic in today’s society. You can’t blame your neighbors or your housing development on your kids not being able to play freely. Ghandi said “Be the change you want to see in the world”. You can start with your block before you tackle the world. Go outside and play in the front with your kids. Or, just hang out on the porch while they play. Wave hello at a neighbor as they drive or walk by. Take a little time and make small talk. They may be friendlier than you think.
A kid doesn’t need a $1000 ultimate swing set in the backyard to play freely. Give that kid some sidewalk chalk, a ball or a cardboard box and let them have at it!
Diane says
I totally agree that kids not only don’t get enough unstructured play, but don’t get enough unstructured play OUTDOORS. Admittedly, I’m a fogey, but I recall childhood summers full of catching tadpoles in the creek out back, visiting the horse that was pastured at the end of our street (and this was in a SUBURB), swinging in the nearby park, or just reading under a tree. In the fall and winter, when it was raining and windy, I’d take an umbrella outdoors and play Mary Poppins all by myself, imagining that the wind would catch me and take me away.
When I visited my 3 1/2-year-old granddaughter recently, I taught her how to “ride horses” by using the benches of the picnic table at home, and then in our campsite, as our trusty steeds. She took the idea and ran with it, so to speak, naming her “horse,” deciding what color he was (blue), and urging me to go back to the picnic table to “ride the horses” every three minutes. It breaks my heart to think that most kids nowadays are unlikely ever to have memories like that.
A fellow named Richard Louv has written a couple of books about our childrens’ “nature deficit disorder,” and he has links to an organization which is trying to reconnect families with the outdoors and with simple play. I recommend both his site, http://richardlouv.com/, and the organization’s site, http://www.childrenandnature.org/, for any families who are feeling this disconnect from nature and from good old unscheduled, unstructured PLAY.
Marcia says
I totally agree, but I can see why it happens.
Some is due to what JC says – which is how communities are built these days, and it also depends on where you live. In the desert, outdoor time is going to be limited in the middle of the day.
You know, women went to work in droves and some of the reason was to give their kids more opportunities for a better school district, a safer house, and extras like music lessons, college, etc, which were available only to the rich.
Well now the problem is that you have two parents working full time. I am away from my house from 7:30 to 5:30 every day. My husband is away from the house from 8 to 6. If you want soccer, swim lessons, etc., you are squeezing them in during the evening and on weekends.
We have our older son scheduled for some things – he’s done soccer (doesn’t like it), has done swim lessons (doesn’t like them,but he does like swimming), and really loves chess. So we really now only schedule him for things after school, at the school, when he is there anyway. Our 2 year old is in daycare. Our nights and weekends rarely have things scheduled. We go to the beach, play in the backyard, go to the park, watch movies, play video games.
I almost NEVER see our best friends – well, former best friends. We used to have dinner every week, then after kids it was once a month. Now? Their son is in soccer (club) and swimming, daughter is in dance and swimming, and their weekends are so full it takes us 3 months to find a date where we can have dinner.
Carole says
All I can say is that I think everyone needs to step back and decide what is really important.
Why are we putting our kids into the same type of schedules that we ourselves hate?
We’re on the go from the time our feet hit the floor in the morning, until we hit the bed at night. People will no doubt hate me for saying this, but in a lot of instances it’s a choice. I realize that a lot of couples (and single parents) have no choice where working conditions are concerned, but in many cases we can take home less money and still be just as happy. Perhaps even happier.
We don’t know the huge house, the four fancy cars, the boat, the camper, or whatever else it is that we think we can’t possibly live without. We have to decide, what is more important, working ourselves to death (or scheduling our children in non stop activities), or living our lives in balance. We don’t have to do everything. Kids get so little time to be kids in our current society, and adults are the only ones who can change that.
We need to let kids be kids while they can.
Carole says
And that should be ‘need’, not ‘know’ (the huge fancy house).
I also realize that a lot of people don’t have all those things (what I call toys), but a lot of people do and still find their time squeezed. What’s the point?
HanksDad says
I agree with Carole 100%. Wonderfully put. Our kids don’t care about “stuff”. Adults care about “stuff”. Children just want to be fed, sheltered and loved. And they just want to be kids. Let them be kids on their time. If the other three principals are in place, everything will work itself out.
Carol says
I sympathize with the plight of families where both parents work. It can be difficult, if not impossible to make a go of it without two incomes. There are many single parents out there, too, who are just scraping by. That said, as a retired educator, I think we, as a society, are really short changing our children by not allowing large amounts of time for unscheduled, unstructured play. That is how children learn about the give and take of relationships, get to let their imaginations run wild and be their creative best. This is why so many elementary students say recess is their favorite subject. Often it is the only opportunity for them to have some time during the day for unstructured play with their friends. Even that time is dwindling with the focus on academic standards. Scheduled, structured activities are no replacement for this experience. In my career I observed so many over-scheduled children and over-scheduled parents. It just isn’t healthy for anyone.
Valerie says
I have friends and family that live in the city and when we talk about what they are doing it is always running their kids to this lesson, or that class or soccer, dance, music, etc…. Years ago when our 3 sons were little we left the city life behind and moved to a small rural Oregon community. There is a wonderful blend of just enough extra curricular activities here without being overwhelming. Our boys grew up in what we referred to as a “Norman Rockwell” kind of childhood. They rode bikes to the creeks and rivers, fished and caught crawdads, jumped off rocks and rope swings into the cold creek water, built forts and actually camped out in them near the creek on weekends with their friends. They climbed trees, built tree houses with scrap lumber. made zip lines, hiked, hunted, fished, explored and basically had a blast. They are all nearly grown. Our oldest is a physics major in college, our middle son loved the outdoors so much he is living his dream and is a white water river guide. Our youngest is still in high school but loves where we live and the lifestyle it offers. The kids are creative, well adjusted, unafraid to explore and try new things. When we visit with other parents here we all agree that while we gave up on some of the cultural amenities of city life, we believe the quality of life we have given our children is beyond compare. None of us would change it at all.
Eileen says
Totally agree! Sometimes I feel bad we don’t have our kids in many activities but I figure its better then overwhelming busyness
It’s good for kids to get creative, play make believe games, use imagination 🙂
sue says
I live in the South. Hot during the day so playtime is inside, our neighbors flock outside with the kids in the late afternoon and early evening. People do find excuses for everything, blaming others or their environment and not coming up with a solution. Yes, there are housing and weather constraints that can hamper the creative outdoor play but how about using indoor space for creative playtime. It made me crazy when my son was younger to have the living room turned into a town of misplaced furniture and sheets so he could have a fort to play in with his friends. I sucked it up, let the living room be non-existent for me to relax and watch tv in the evenings because I knew this free play time was more important than my nightly sitcom. He and his friends had a great time, they worked out conflicts, had their imagination going and I read a few good books instead of watching TV. a win-win for all.
The neighbors and I did not have the fancy high end play equipment for our children. But let me tell you what one appliance box started. My son had a box and then all the neighbor kids wanted a box too. We ended up with “Shanty Town” on my front yard. Along a fence which is lined with Crepe Myrtle trees, the kids lined up large boxes and tied sheets to the trees and attached them to the fence. Each child had their own “home”. It looked awful but the kids had a great time for about a week. After a couple of rain storms, Shanty Town needed to be taken down but it was a great week of play.
Helicopter parents need to back off and just let the kids play. It is OK to let the kids out to explore. Not everything needs to be organized and in the parent’s control.
My son is now a young teenage. His summers are boring because he is so busy during the school year. He is so bored he goes and finds friends and ends up coming home soaking wet because they walked to the creek to swim. (calm down helicopter parents, it is only knee deep) or he has a basketball game with a group up the street or just hung out with some friends on someone’s front porch and talked (actual verbal talking, no texting, I was shocked)
And remember, a dirty kid is a happy kid.
Butterflyweed says
I agree kids need lots of down time. Only one activity at a time. I was actually criticized a couple of times because my kids were doing “nothing”. A great way to encourage them to learn to entertain themselves is to put a toilet brush in their hand every time you hear “I’m Bored”! ;0
On the subject of people having no time with their kids because they work outside the home, my husband and I own a contracting company and I have always done all of the office work. I could work whenever (usually after they went to bed) so I was able to be a full time mom. Others like me, and I suspect Mavis, would greatly appreciate it those of you who work full time outside the home, would occasionally thank us for picking up the slack for you when it comes to your kids. It’s because of us “lazy” stay at homes that your kids get to go to the movies and to the dance and the other activities, because we always have a car full. We coach the sports teams, we volunteer to help your kid at one on one at school when he is struggling with reading, we are the ones trying to wrangle a group of six hyper boys on a nature walk field trip. A Starbucks card or a few flowers once a year would be wonderful-instead we are looked down upon like the reason we are available is because we are useless to society.
Ruth Ward says
My children are grown. But when they were young (10 -16) we both worked, and I would encourage my children to go out side. But they were also encouraged to keep and eye on one another, since we weren’t home to watch them. There were neighbors nearby that they could go to, if something came up where they would need immediate help. Many an argument occurred between me and the spouse, because he wanted them to stay inside, so they would be “safe”, but then he would complain because they were getting fat. As I would explain to him that he couldn’t have it both ways. That “safety” can be taught to them. I.E. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t go with or near strangers. If a stranger approaches you, run home and lock the door, call us.
People are so afraid to live. We are afraid of each other. People don’t talk to their neighbors. I grew up in a time, when if a neighbor saw me doing something stupid, they would come out and stop me from being a dangerous idiot. And then they would tell my parents of my activities. At the time I hated that. But now as an adult, I can appreciate those neighbors. After all, I’m alive because of those nosy neighbors.
Melissa says
The OC Register used to have a column by child psychologist John Rosemond and he said the same thing. It really resonated with me, having been raised in the 1950s/1960s in a small town in Illinois and then in Phoenix. We had lots of time to catch fireflies, ride bikes, and swim, etc. I think a good mix of structured and unstructured is the way to go.
kate says
Thank you Butterflyweed. Not that this topic is about us lazy moms that stay home but more about kids playing outside, but yes, I am the single mom, I work but my job allows me to be home most of the time that my son is home. Just last week I was asked by a “working mom” to help transport her son to and from band camp. I am the one running kids back and forth, I am the one volunteering at the school so kids can have class parties and field day, I am the one that is the Cub Scout leader, I am the one that allows the children of “working parents” to have the extra curricular activities while the parents run errand alone and I am bringing my son to Scout leader meetings on school nights while they are tucking your child into bed. So I agree, an occasional coffee from Starbucks and a thank you to my son for his sacrifices that he makes would be appreciated.
But to get back on topic, Sue is right, any small home (mine is 1600 SF) can be made into a play area for kids. Rooms turned into forts are fun and creative, a small yard and buckets of water is a great way to spend a few hours. Stop making excuses and get out there and be creative.
Rachel says
I am an education (I’ve taught both high school and preschool) and I agree wholeheartedly that unstructured play is so important. The research backs this. I am 30 and spent my entire childhood outside all day long playing in my backyard. I lived in Washington State suburbia and made it work. I used sheets and towels for forts, I had a killer imagination – to think up anything I physically lacked, I did sidewalk chalk, I played house/castle/frontier/school/hotel/etc. I was never enrolled in extra-curriculars and I think it’s because my parents couldn’t afford it as my mom stayed at home with us kids. I don’t feel like I missed out at all – in fact, I feel blessed I had time to just be a kid. I’m now expecting my first this Fall, live in a small 1000 sq foot house and expect my child will grow up much like I did (my husband had a similar childhood). We can’t imagine anything better.
Rachel says
I am *in education, not an education. Darn auto correct.
Mavis Butterfield says
Building forts out of sheet in the backyard and making mud pies was the best. I’m so glad I grew up without a lot of electronics.
Jen Y says
I don’t think we need to ‘make more time for play’; I think we need to take more time to do nothing. The play will come if you don’t schedule anything at all. If it’s hard, then get out the calendar & schedule home time – be tough & don’t let discontentment pressure you into filling days(or evenings) with things that seperate your family. My favorite quote from my husband as we raised our family -‘We’re spending a lot of money to live here, let’s stay home & enjoy it.’
We each have a choice how we spend our time just as we choose how we spend our money or what we eat.
My son is 21 & married. I was pretty happy when I dropped in at their house recently. They were babysitting my daughter-in-law’s niece & my son had built a blanket fort in their living room for her. I sat down in the floor as she brought her stuffed animals to me, telling me what they’d been playing together. It was glorious fun for both of us!
Here are some of my son’s best unsupervised play ideas from the past 10 to 15 yrs.
almost daily bike rides with ramps, tieing wagons to the back & pretending to tow, ect. -from around age 6 to adult
almost daily treasure hunts (rarely finding a treasure but never giving up!), playing army, cowboys & indians,ect – age 4 or 5 to about 12 or so
building a water slide in the back yard every summer(I started out buying water slides but around age 9 or 10 the ones you buy were too small & not sturdy enough so he started designing his own)
blanket forts inside, stick forts outside, camping in the yard by himself at night
hand painting a football field in our yard(only 40 yards) using a paint brush & yard stick to measure – the neighborhood boys played on it all summer age 9 or 10
setting the sprinkler under the trampoline in the summer, filling the trampoline with leaves in the fall or rushing out after a snow to play on it in the snow age 5 to around 12
playing in the rain, chasing leaves down the ditches in the rain, catching water to pour it out & catch it again
hiding in the fall leaves then calling his dog to dig him out – such fun
After a summer of building rafts that sank at the 1st launch, giving up & floating on an air mattress – he did have permission to do this with a life jacket on, he did this with the neighborhood boys & no adult supervision – he was around 12 or so (those boys were hobos that summer – they built a lean to on the bank of a nearby lake, borrowed an old pan from me & fried bologna in it on the bank)
making maps of his favorite NASCAR tracks on posterboard then racing his cars – around age 8
lots of dress up – he was constantly asking me to make costumes for something. I can’t sew but I did make a Robin Hood cap & a Zorro cape, we bought a lot of costumes on clearance after Halloween
every book we read together had to be acted out – I loved reading aloud to him then later in the day catching him acting the story out
So much fun & so many great family memories come from free time. And the best part I’m beginning to learn is that kids who grow up playing become the most fun & creative adults. They also solve adult problems with much more ease in my opinion. We do our children a great diservice when we overschedule & take their creativity away from them.
One last thought for the lady who has such a small yard – when my son was 5 he was given $10. We asked him what he wanted to buy & he said a swing. So we bought just a swing (not a swingset) for $15 & hung it in the yard. He never had a play set just a swing from Lowes & he spent a lot of time swinging – sitting, standing & laying in that swing, spinning, climbing, laying back & being lazy – as a teen he’d sit on it & talk to his girlfriend on the phone. :o) Such a simple, cheap thing a swing is & you don’t need very much space to hang one – you don’t even have to hang one outside.
David W says
Lots of weather related comments/excuses on here, perhaps I should remind people that there was no great migration to southern states once air conditioning was invented. Give the kids plenty to drink, sunscreen, and let them play and sweat outside.