The following comments were made on my site today. There were 10 comments total, all made by the same guy: Dan. Now I don’t know Dan; that’s the beauty of the internet, right? Anyone can puff up their chests sitting behind the security of their computer screens, and with a few key strokes, unleash whatever vitriol they please without any fear of retaliation. Mostly because a) the bloggers whose sites these internet trolls frequent aren’t the type to return the favor. We have much more productive things to do with our time than word vomit insults about someone we do not know, have not met and have absolutely no context in which to judge their character {or anything at all about them}, and b) you don’t feed the beast or they will never go away.
I have pretty thick skin; skin which was further conditioned after this site grew and the hate occasionally rolled in. I normally just delete and move on. But someone once said that what these trolls were looking for is attention. So I began to wonder. If I gave them the attention they were seeking, would they move along? Or would it fuel the hate fire, multiplying the number of absurd and despicable comments. If they were just looking for attention, and I gave them just that only to realize it just made the cycle more vicious, would it then be correct to assume that these trolls are as addicted to said attention as a drug addict is to their substance of choice?
And so my internet troll experiment begins. I will respond to a few of my favorite comments dear Dan left today. Looking over the comments, I’m beginning to wonder if it’s not just a small misunderstanding on Dan’s part. He left the comments on a post about How to Fill a Pastry Bag. It’s possible he completely misread the post, so his resulting comments were taken out of context. Or perhaps I’m misunderstanding his comments and he is really, really passionate about pastry bags. So to clear up any confusion, and to allow dear Dan to move on with his life, I’m going to break each comment down so everyone is on the same page.
“Wow, I feel really bad for you. It’s not your fault you were dropped on your head though.” ~Dan
I mean, on the one hand, it’s possible I WAS dropped on my head {I’m assuming he means as a child, as I can’t picture someone hoisting up a full-grown woman only to let her flail out of their arms, resulting in a floor vs. head catastrophe}. I have no recollection of my year as an infant, but I’m not sure if that is because I was actually dropped on my head as a child and therefore, lost the memories of the incident, or perhaps because I was, well, an infant. Either way, head dropped or not, I wouldn’t feel bad for me. I mean, I have no scars, no lingering neck pain and seemingly no loss of brain function because of the supposed fall you are so concerned about. Hopefully you didn’t lose sleep over that concern for me.
“I love your stupidity” ~Dan
And I love oxymorons, Dan. How’d you know? Apparently you didn’t read my post on Mormons, Walmart, Monsanto and Shiny New Cupboards.
“You haven’t thought of it because you are not a bright person; hence the reason your on Internet looking for simple solutions. Don’t feel bad though, some people’s brains just don’t work as well as others.” ~Dan
The Internet really is a great place to search for simple solutions. One I found just now explained the difference between your vs. you’re. I mean, I’m not that bright and my brain “just don’t work as well as others,” so don’t take it from me. But if you are going to insult someone’s intelligence, you might want to do it using a sentence not riddled with punctuation errors that call your own intelligence into question.
“Weirdo” ~Dan
There is a poem by Shel Silverstein that I truly love. It says:
“She had blue skin,
And so did he.
He kept it hid
And so did she.
They searched for blue
Their whole life through,
Then passed right by-
And never knew.”
I will never apologize for being weird. In fact, I think we should let our “blue” out more often. How else are we to ever find our tribes, our people, if we are always so concerned with other people perceiving us as weird. Be blue, I say. Be brave and blue.
“God I really do feel bad for you” ~Dan
First, don’t bring God into this. He’s not the one who wrote the offensive pastry bag post. Second, thank you. It’s rough, this life I lead. I mean what with a healthy family, a roof overhead, a full pantry, a stable income, a few stamps in my passport, a solid support system, and the coolest readers anyone could ever ask for, I really do need your pity.
“Because your a deuce bag” ~Dan
Now, Dan, I don’t know you all that well, so I don’t really have the right to assume I know what you meant. But I have my suspicions you meant, “douche bag” and not “deuce bag.” Although, I can’t be certain. Maybe a deuce bag is something cool, like a poker player’s money bag or a high-end handbag for twins. Yep, that’s probably what you meant. Certainly makes more sense than calling a blogger you’ve never met a douche bag after reading a post on proper pastry bag filling techniques, right?
XOXO
~Mavis
Laine says
Best troll response ever.
diane @smartmoneysimplelife says
OMG! Who knew filling pastry bags could bring out such bitterness? I know they say it takes all types but… damn!
Bring on the troll extinction event. 🙂
Jane says
Oh wow. I lost it at deuce bag. It was kind of like angry misspelled graffiti on a wall.
Kate S. says
Oh my gosh, “deuce bag” did me in. Thanks for the laugh (even though I’m sorry you have to deal with “deuce bags” like that guy)
Teresa Young says
Your my favorite deuce bag, Mavis!
Chris says
Mavis, you rock! Your response reminds me of Mike Rowe when he deals with trolls.
Rachel says
Love it!!
Martha says
Ah Mavis- love it. Glad we can all share a little of our blue-ness.
Diana says
Of all of the blogs and posts out there, yours is the MOST unpolitical there is. I can’t even imagine why anyone would want to troll your site. It doesn’t make a lick of sense. But then, I guess that’s the issue. Those who would troll sites like yours don’t have any.
You ROCK, Mavis. Love the troll pic. And I predict that ‘deuce bag’ will be a favorite ‘slip it in a sentence and surprise everyone’ kind of phrase that will come back, time and again, to make us all laugh.
Love ya, girl…
Donna says
Hmmm wonder if Dan sits on your HOA board???
Trish K says
Hahaha! You may be right, Donna!
Sabina says
I was thinking the same thing…Dan the Deuce is probably on your HOA. He only wishes he could be as cool as you, Mavis. Let you blue show, always. That’s why we all love your blog.
Em says
“Deuce bag” may be a variant of “dime bag,” a drug culture reference. Maybe he’s on drugs and confused? Drugs are bad, son.
Ginger says
HAHAHA!
Janet says
If he doesn’t like your site, he shouldn’t look at it. I enjoy your site. It is one of the first things I look at. I enjoy the recipes and the heads-up on great deals. Anything that helps me in my life, saves me money, or just makes me smarter about something. I learn a lot from you and from reader’s comments. Keep the smile on your face. Thank you for letting me share in your life. That alone takes great courage. Have a nice day, and give Lucy a hug for me.
Koni says
I have decided a deuce bag must be what you carry your extra cards in when you cheat at poker…must be a tutorial for making one on pinterest.. Love you Mavis 🙂
Pamela says
Wow! Who knew someone could get so worked up about pastry bags. You’ve touched a raw nerve in the troll community.
The non-troll community knows you are doing a great job! Keep up the good work! And I love the Shel Silverstein poem (it’s wonderful!)
Sara says
As a mom of twins I feel like I missed out by not getting that high end bag you mentioned, the deuce bag. Too late now….
Henrietta says
You make “deuce bag” look cool, I want to be a deuce bag!!
Staci says
LOL!! Me, too. 🙂
Amy says
Love your picture. Is that a highland cow?
kim says
I think Dan likes you. Like first graders on the playground where the boy punches the girl he likes. Possibly a bit of stalking happening??
Gen says
Mavis, I have to say thank you for sharing this with us. I really needed a good laugh today, and this was it! Great response to the ‘troll droppings’ left by Dan.
I enjoy reading your blog, and I’m with you on being blue. Just keep doing you and rock that blue girl!
Susan says
It’s close enough to the full moon to bring out the crazies!!! 🙁
Karin says
Wow! I’m sorry to hear you have such “deuce” bags harassing you. I’m going to assume there is some mental illness going on here as I can’t understand how a sane person could make those comments. Thanks for that poem, I love it! Don’t be afraid to be blue!
Kathie S. says
You rock!
Miriam says
Ignore them. If you feed them, they will grow. Also, if they have nothing enlightening to say, ignore them. “You are stupid,” is something a 5-year old says. “Your content is not interesting to me because x, y and z,” or even “You are wrong because of a, b, and c,” are much more useful. (Constructive criticism vs attacks.)
Cheryl says
I feel sorry that Dan leads such a boring life that he has to comment on a post about pastry bags. I only hope he isn’t married, hate to read about a wife who hit her husband over his head with a caste iron skillet. Cheryl
Teresa says
Poor, poor Dan! He must have not received enough attention as a child. Why else would anyone go off about a pastry bag? It’s a pastry bag!! Come on Dan, is your life so miserable you have to complain about a pastry bag? I guess we know who the “deuce” really is. So sad. I DID enjoy the laugh though. Maybe Dan is practicing to be a comedian?
Mrs. Chow says
I wish you were my neighbor.
In other news, my name is Mrs. Chow, and I, too, fill pastry bags.
I am so ashamed.
Tamara says
I think Dan is too shy to say what he really wants (a pink flamingo) and that makes him tongue tied.
Katie W says
I think your comment wins! haha
I too am jealous of the pink flamingos!
Linda says
Yay, Mavis! Dan obviously does not know you nor does he read your (used properly here) blog or he would have realized he is not competent enough to hold a conversation with you. He’s nothing more than a bully. Thanks for not letting him beat you down and for showing us that sassy wit that we all love!
HollyG says
Perhaps Dan is upset because he has invented a new-fangled method for applying icing, The Deuce Bag, and sales are not taking off as he had hoped. I can see it now, Dan sitting alone in his basement, surrounded by stacks and stacks of Deuce Bags.
Mavis Butterfield says
OH MY GOSH!!!!! I think you might be onto something. Hilarious HollyG!
Denise says
Oh my goodness!
Denise says
There was supposed to be a laughing so hard I’m crying emoji posted above too. I kinda almost feel sorry for Dan and his deuce bags!
MerryMouse says
HollyG for the win! GollyGee!
Kom says
Good Times Marvis!! Had me laughing out loud during my afternoon break walk. Cheers!!
(Comments had me laughing too.)
Earlene says
I’m sitting here and totally amazed at what someone would write on someone’s blog. Poor thing!! He has nothing better to do with his time apparently . You handled much better than I would, bravo Mavis!
Jean says
Hi Mavis. So sorry you have to deal with trolls like Dan. People like that are not happy with their own life, so they have to try to annoy others and put them down. Sad life to live. You just continue to be as weird as you want. 🙂 I can’t say nothing because I am too. Love your blog. Learning so much from you.
Denise says
Oh, Mavis, I don’t often burst out loud laughing, but today, I did. I’d say Dan just got spanked. I want you to take the ferry over to Edmonds, come to my house and have a cup of tea and we’ll talk gardens and chickens and travel, and we’ll have another good laugh about Dan!
Megan says
Mavis, we’ve never met, but I can tell we would ge along just fine! Dan on the other hand- we would not.
Rock on Sister!!
Delorise says
Poor Dan– you have to pity him. He really must not have much of a life — maybe he should take some English classes instead of spending his time making nasty comments to someone he doesn’t even know.
Lin says
Wow, I can’t help but feel that Dan must have had a misguided attempt to comment on another blog.
Cause otherwise he was drunk, I wouldn’t think pastry bags could be inflamitory.
I am glad you shared, it’s good for a laugh . And Mavis, you certainly had the last laugh.
Aaltje says
I would like to thank you, Dan, and all the commentators for my entertainment tonight! Brilliant (except Dan)!
Thrifty Mom In Boise says
LOLOLOLOLOLOL. I lost it when he called you a “deuce bag”. That pretty much says it all. You are awesome Mavis! Carry on.
Tracey says
Hilarious, just hilarious.
Kristina says
I was having a “Borat” flashback when he brought up the “deuce bag”. If you know what I mean… {cringe}
lynne says
Oh My. :-). Mavis, you beautiful “deuce bag”. Perfect response! Rock on, girlfriend, rock on! LynneinMN
Lisa B. says
OMG, so funny! Some people … Thanks for sharing the Shel Silverstein poem– I like that one now, too!
Staci says
Oh my goodness, my husband and I are rolling with laughter. You handled this absolutely BEAUTIFULLY!!! I’m so sorry there are people like “Dan” in the world, but at least it made for an absolutely hilarious post. You rock Mavis!!!!!
Anne says
Dan=troll=HOA member
Keep on blogging Mavis!
Michele says
Wow! I cannot believe the audacity of some people and their very rude and uncalled for commentary. I’m pretty sure that this might be some indication of mental illness that needs to be appended to the latest version of the DSM.
Melissa says
Love you Mavis – glad you always approach things with grace and humor, creepy commenters included. I’m not big on commenting although I probably read one of your posts every day, but couldn’t let this post go by without mentioning how thankful I am for you putting yourself out here for us – sometimes it’s nice to be reminded of the overwhelming majority of friendly readers out there compared to the few ignorant loud ones 🙂
Arlene says
This was such a fun and healthy response!!! Didn’t sink to his level. I read this whole post out loud to my husband and laughed so much! I am going to embrace my “blue” more often because of this post. You are awesome!!! Thank you!
Leslie says
Now if he’s really committed to trolling, he’ll respond. And so we wait.
Lorene says
BRAVO Mavis, Bravo!
Indio says
That was freakin hysterical! There is nothing as entertaining as an illiterate troll thinking he is the smartest guy in the room. I wonder how many times he makes a fool of himself and isn’t even able to comprehend it.
Violet says
Hi Mavis! After reading all of that, I can only see one course of action….
…..could you come up with a crafts project to make some sort of bag (a tote bag?) that could appropriately be called a “deuce bag”? Perhaps Dan will let you know how well you did? 😉
Kathy says
Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas this year is a deuce bag…
ilona says
Mavis ~ you have one of the coolest, consistent, well-thought-out blogs going … Thank you for all you do and stay just the way you are. *HUG*
Becky says
I’m thinking Dan is probably 14. I’m also hoping, praying, assuming that no grown man with a fully developed frontal lobe (is that the part that doesn’t develop until adulthood?) would actually say those things.
Jessica S says
my thought exactly! Someone is home from school with strep throat or a fever.. obviously
bored!
JoAnn C. says
Mavis, YOU ARE AWESOME. Sometimes your site is the best part of my day. and as they say in my one of my favorite movies “Be Cool” : “Don’t be a hater, be a participater”. Dan is a moron.
JoAnn
Kayla D. says
Dan is awfully quiet today? I wonder if the Deuce Bags attacked back for bringing them into this. Poor guy.
Lisa Millar says
That was a funny read!
Our new insult of choice will have to be deuce bag! Fabulous!!
😀
Katie W says
Mavis, this just made my morning!
I too always wonder how the trolls hiding under the bridge that is the internet can call people stupid all day long while doing it with poor grammar.
Amy says
LOL!
Dan can crawl back in his troll hole now. I’d love to hear if he responds back to your post.
Lisa L says
You rock, Mavis!
Chip says
Perhaps Dan lives under the Fremont bridge? On a more serious note, I made a New Years resolution several years ago not to read comments on sites precisely because if the trolls. While the internet is great for finding information, the downside is that it also gives everyone the access to “stir the pot” which I find highly annoying. This instance is a perfect example. Keep up the good work and know this…every weekday morning my life is brightened by reading your blog while enjoying a nice cup of java.
Andrea says
LOVE your blue, Mavis! And your pink flamingo collection! And your Puggle Princess! Long time reader here so keep on being blue with your green thumb, pink flamingos and stay strong against the HOA! Rock on, Mavis!
Katie says
Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan. If you’re going to troll and insult, please try and get a handle on the English language – both usage and grammar. I mean really, who’s the “deuce bag” here? Love you Mavis, and I tell all my friends about your site. Not only is it a refreshing break from all the political noise, especially during the campaign season, but every single recipe of yours I’ve made has been amazing. Every…single…one.
Crystal says
OH MY!!! I had to read all the comments just to see if he has actually responded! Mavis, SO Hilarious – and All of you commenting. Laughed out loud several times at my lunch break. I too, read everyday at lunch. Thanks for all the great content: from filling pastry bags, to the princess pug, to trolls… LOVE IT ALL!
Randi says
I love you all the more for this post!
P.S. Dan, get a life!
Ann GG says
Mavis, you are AWESOME! I love how you handled the troll….
Keep blogging girl! There are a bunch of us weirdos that look forward to reading your blog every day.
Tami Lewis says
Mavis..I read daily but dont comment. Dont you change one thing you do!! You are fantastic and my email would be nothing without you!
Sorry for that idiot!!!!
Christy says
Thanks for your response.. sometimes I think they need to be called out. rock on!
Julia says
You made my day!! I laughed my “ash” off!!!! What a deuce bag!!!! My new fav tag line by the way. Seriously you rock and inspire me every day. I love reading your posts at breakfast. My son, who is 11, likes to see what Lucy is up to. Keep being you!
Tracie H says
Hahahahahahah! Love you and your blog Mavis. Keep on keepin’ on!
Candice C says
My day isn’t complete until I read your post for the day…even if I don’t have time to read any other emails. Keep up the good work.
Sharon says
Keep on keepin’ on, Mavis!
JoAnn Moran says
I love your website and you. Please stay true to yourself. It’s working for you. I don’t know why there is so much hate, but I’m glad you could make a joke out of it.
Michelle says
You’re too funny. I’m reading this with a sleeping baby on my chest trying to suppress my chuckles but seriously laughing tears. So ridiculous.
Connie Murray says
Its amazing how humor is the best defense when it comes to trolls. Why do trolls even exist? Why do they get off on being mean and angry? Your response was brilliant. Mavis, you always make me smile!
Sunny says
Well it was once said that you can’t please all the people all the time. Don’t worry about Dan, the rest of us love you.
I always look forward to your posts!
Tracy says
I live for the day I will read a grammatically correct troll comment. Nothing ruins my morning faster than the hint of a heated, hate filled comment only to have it completely spoiled by bad grammar, poor or no punctuation, or the worst: the use of words that don’t mean what the frothing at the mouth troll thinks they do. I get all excited anticipating I’ll be reading a truly clever, snarky, quick witted insult, and alas, they turn out to be inarticulate, sloppy writers, every damn time. Sigh.
Jen Maldonado says
LOL! What a jerk. That would be so funny if he is a member of the HOA…Go stick a flamingo holding a pastry bag in his yard in the middle of the night!!
Linda says
Too bad you don’t have Dan the trolls e-mail we could all leave him some random thoughts – or perhaps on his blog. Got to love these people