I would have never pegged myself as the Gladys Kravits type. But it’s happening. If I don’t get my fence up soon, I’m going to start sitting in a glittery tube top in my side yard with my feet in a kiddie pool and strike up a conversation with anyone that walks by just so I can get some answers. Heck, I may even make a trip to the mall for some highlights and bright-colored tops if that freakin’ fence doesn’t get built soon so I can play {properly} in the dirt. I am dying here people. Just dying.
Some observations from this week:
Stroller mom and her 4 hours a day, 7 days a week workout/baby napping/fresh air power walks. I’d like to see her go up against the Energizer Bunny. She would KICK HIS ARSE.
The early morning sounds of a baby crying off my back patio. Not a soul in my immediate area is younger than 60. And yes, I checked the bushes.
The older couple who walks their dog 4 times a day. Sometimes 6. {The HH has maybe walked Lucy with me twice. Maybe we are the weird ones, who knows.}
The skateboarding kid with the hat on backwards and the bad attitude. I’m not a fan. The other kids that ride with him are just fine, but this kid is totally disrespectful to everyone he passes by.
The 80-year-old woman with the toy lion dog who poops in the middle of the street. She picks NOTHING up and likes to talk up a storm about her show dogs.
The retired man who sits in his white plastic lawn chair at the end of his driveway and suns himself. {I’ve never talked to this guy but I LOVE that he sits at the end of the driveway in his $2 chair}. It’s AWESOME. Every time I see him out there I wonder if the HOA has gotten complaints. 🙂 Rock on old guy, rock on.
Pack of 3 soccer moms with their three strollers and one dog who all wear the same outfit. {Black yoga pants, black zip up tops, hair in pony tails, yada yada.} They are always in full make up and perky. I feel inadequate. I have no “walking” clothes. Just blue jeans and long sleeved black tops from the GAP.
Guy who has been working on his sprinklers ever since we moved in 7 months ago. {Every week he’s out there in his Carhartt’s working on those darn things.}
The single guy who lives down the street. Early 30’s? No wife. No kids. Doesn’t do his own yard work. The only time I see him is when he puts out his trash can. Hmmmm.
Wine and cheese lady who walks by my house to mail something every.single.day. {How can someone have that many bills? Or letters to write?}
The house on the corner with a three car garage and 6 cars always in the driveway. What is going on over there????? How many people live there? Do they sell drugs? Have a home business? Host home parties around the clock? Seriously. 3 car garage. 6 cars. What the heck?
Cluster of cottage homes I just discovered yesterday. None of them have much of a yard, but man are they storybook cute. I want to bring along my camera and take some pictures for gardening ideas… but that would be CREEPY.
**********
I am becoming one of them.
People. I need a fence. And I need it now.
~Mavis
Stacey says
You. crack. me. up! I can’t see my neighbors much because I live in an apartment, but I love hearing about yours. Especially the old guy with the $2 chair!
Michele says
Poor Mavis….talk to the flamingoes…I hear they are very good at listening…lol
Diana says
The crying baby you’re hearing is probably a cat yowling. They sound just like babies crying when they get going. Probably 2 of them warning each other off of their territories. Can’t wait until you get the fence up. Boy, will that mess up their minds, lol…
Lisa says
+1
Jess says
God bless you girl! I hate to tell you this though, but in small town Nebraska – Population 500 it isn’t much different – even down to the nosy part….ONLY most are redneck (which at times is quite interesting) and WE HAVE A FENCE with NO HOA. When we are tired of watching it all, I go out the back door look at the field behind me (where the 4ft fence is located) and am secluded by the 6 foot fence around me. One thing I will complain about though, the Mayor’s yard is a junk pit – which I KNOW houses many critters; four wheelers are now legal in the street, everyone is drinking beer until the wee hours of the a.m. with open bon fires in their back yards, dogs and cats run wild everywhere, the lesbian native girls on the corner have weekly fist fights that send them rolling down their front yard hill – every other week their cat is pregnant – and an old man is paying their rent and they aren’t related (hmmmm). YET you cannot own a pet rabbit or a potty trained pot bellied pig OR a chicken for eggs. BECAUSE WE HAVE THAT MUCH CLASS!!!!
Mrs. Chow says
Ok, between this comment and Mavis’s post, I almost peed my pants!
Jess says
I actually forgot to mention the half dozen houses that fly the confederate flag.
Lana says
Confederate flag in Nebraska, that there would be the problem. Southern rednecks have infiltrated your town.
Lissa says
Definitely. I’m from Nebraska, tiny town population 310. None of this baloney was going on! Some dumpy houses, sure. Some broken appliances or cars in yards — but not many. But overall everyone was kind, friendly, respectful. NEVER in a million years would I see a confederate flag. We didn’t have many minorities around, but I never saw/heard racist/sexist/etc words or behavior either. It was a rural lifestyle, but not redneck and not trashy. Your town sounds like an absolute nightmare!
Practical Parsimony says
Jess, that is hilarious!
Jennifer says
You don’t need a fence, you need to actually go talk to some of these people. Get to know people. Figure out who is tattling on you all the time LOL.
Mari says
I agree….. you never know who may be a reader of your blog or the tittle tattler.
Oh Mavis… I get so many giggles from your blog. I could never live that way. I don’t know how you do it. I thought America was supposed to be the ‘land of the free’. Seems to be only if u live with in HOA rules.
Honestly girl…. this would make a great tv show or cartoon strip. Seen from the perspective of no front fence lol.
Laurie says
ROTFLMAO!!! You’re killing me Smalls!
Jacqui says
It sounds like my place except we have a fence! We have the 60 year old guy who stands out talking to his friends all afternoon before he leaves around 5 and doesn’t get back until midnight.
Then there is the 70 something lady who lives in the pink house and thinks the whole place has been taken over by “Mexicans” (we live in SoCal) and is so glad another “White” family lives here (DH is half Hispanic, we just haven’t mentioned it!) She has literally come over to borrow a cup of sugar more than once!
There is the mother/daughter combo that lives next door that has about 6-8 cars in the driveway during the day and a constant stream of relatives in and out (7 sons and all their families).
Finally there is us. The ones with the kids running around the front yard while Mom (me) sits in her lawn chair reading and Dad works on his latest project in the garage with the music playing.
Jen says
WHAHAHAH! Sounds like my neighborhood. The neighbors are still trying to figure out that “shed thing” behind our garage (AKA- the chicken coop) and lord forbid they find out my new “dog” is actually a pot bellied pig. 😉
Lana says
We looked at a house several times and almost bought it and every time we were there a very old, very wrinkled all over man walked past in a black Speedo, black dress shoes and socks. I think it was part of our decision to let that one go! It was just too creepy.
Have you ever been to a dog show? The dogs pee and poop everywhere! The whole place stinks! Never again.
Melanie says
Mavis. I am sure it is time to watch REAR WINDOW for your night at the movies.
Either that or throw a block party and see what happens!
Deborah says
I agree that a block party is a great idea! It’s harder to give someone a hard time when you start to get to know them. And it’s a perfect place to gather info (especially if there’s alcohol involved.).
You should totally do it, Mavis! Have a block party. 😉
Mavis Butterfield says
Ha! I’ll have to add that movie to my list. 🙂
Margery says
I am somewhat nervous about moving to a neighborhood, we currently live on 7 acres with only one very busy body neighbor. That I can say that I have hidden from them in the house, screened my calls, and eaten more then one bar of chocolate after not hiding fast enough.
New house is in a neighborhood but my husband has been there a year and has only met one person, not a very good information gather.
Mavis Butterfield says
Husbands are never good information gatherers. Good luck! 🙂
Kristina says
I actually think it all sounds so fun! I especially would make the acquaintance of the stroller lady and the man in the driveway. Much as I love living on a farm, sometimes I miss the camaraderie of living in a neighborhood, (warts and Gladyses and all). We do have an elderly couple who rent a small house on the edge of our farm, and when my husband has to go over and fix things (seems like every other week), the lady of the house always has an interesting gynecological or digestive problem to overshare about. I’ve gotten so I ask my husband when he comes home “So how is Mary’s vagina this week?” He dreads going over there, for obvious reasons, though sometimes she gives him cake, which is somewhat palliative.
Auntie Go-Go says
LOL! We live in rural Virginia and I sort of miss having crazy neighbors too. When we lived in the city, we had one neighbor who was a career drunk and was always kicking it up. Our next door neighbor would come out on her front porch and holler to us saying “You make the popcorn, I’ll fix the drinks and we’ll watch the freak show together”. Now we just have one interesting home in our neighborhood. Judging from the sheer volume of traffic, they are either drug dealers, or just super popular and their friends only visit for 3 minutes at a time.
amber says
Good Fences make good neighbors.
Deborah Herman says
Go ahead, take photos. Put on a sparkly bikini and walk Lucy. Lounge out in your side yard amongst your pink flamingos. Lets get them talking about you girl. They seem to be the weird ones not you.
Brandie says
I love this post. Thank you for the laugh!
Kim O. says
Sounds like the spaceship is going to land! I know you are glad you down sized but I bet you miss your old neighborhood. Love your candid honesty! You crack me up. I think they’re all part of the HOA incognito. Keep the cards and letters coming…love the stories!