Whenever I go to historical homes, I am always struck by how SMALL the master beds were. I mean, people were smaller, sure, but how in the world did they get any sleep in those tiny little beds, their husbands or wives lying next to them, shoulder to shoulder?
These days, the HH, Lucy the Puggle Dog, and myself all share a queen sized bed. And you know what? It feels crowded. Whenever any one of us moves, everyone else knows about it. I have to admit, as bad as I feel about it, I sleep better when I am alone. The more I think about that, the more I think, it totally makes sense that people would sleep better alone. I mean, it is kind of one of those “individual sports.”
Turns out, I am not alone. People do actually sleep better alone according to an article I found {of course, that is a broad generalization, but I’ll take it}. The article detailed all of the reasons people feel bad about sleeping alone–our need for human companionship, our unwillingness to hurt our spouses feelings for the sake of a solid night of sleep, etc. It also highlighted how sleeping together is as old as time itself. It kept us safer when darkness fell from real and imagined threats, kept us warmer, and it created bonds {pillow talk, anyone?}. Still, in the modern world, saber tooth tigers don’t come stalking in the night, and a snoring spouse trumps most threats to a good night sleep. Some couples are even opting to sleep in entirely different bedrooms–not because they aren’t in loving relationship, but because they are comfortable enough to separate sleep from, well…other activities.
So, what do you think? Is sleeping with the one you love a must for your marital bliss? Or have you opted for separate sleeping quarters?
~Mavis
Jess says
Until a week ago, my toddler and I were sharing the big bed and my husband was sleeping in my toddler’s twin bed. I honestly slept better like that, with my son right next to me, but we have a new baby coming in a month-ish so need the older one to be in his own bed, at least for part of the night. I don’t sleep better completely alone, but usually the hubs falls asleep before me and he’s a bit of a snorer so that does keep me up a bit. I don’t think sleeping in the same bed is necessary for marital bliss. It’s actually more fun to figure out places around the house to, *ahem*, you know. 😉
As far as feeling everyone move, I highly recommend a foam mattress. They’re so comfy and you can’t feel anyone move, even if they’re right next to you.
sofia says
I live in Japan (I’m Canadian btw) where sleeping separately is pretty common especially for older couples. My husband (Japanese) and I sleep in different rooms now and have for years as I roll around too much and he snores and we were miserable lol. I tried to fight it at first given that sleeping together is just how it is done in Canada but we are so much happier now. I remember saying something to my dad about it on the phone (something to do with whatever I was talking about) and he was really concerned about our relationship lol. I told him that we are better/stronger now as a couple now that we both get a good night’s sleep!
Amanda Taylor says
Definitely seperate sleeping quarters. Love hubby but don’t enjoy his snoring. He likes a cold room and a thin sheet I enjoy a cozy room and soft bedding. I love sleeping on my own in my own bed!
Kayla says
I think I have found a solution to this whole problem. We have a Cal-King-size bed and we have our own sides. We also have our own blankets, so there is no hogging of the blankets. On nights we want to snuggle, we can. Most nights we just snuggle for a few minutes, talk and enjoy. Then we “part ways” and he is on his side and I’m on mine. It is the best of sharing without having to actually share space.
T.L. Bodine says
Man, I don’t know if it’s just because maybe I’m younger than most of you or what, but I can’t *stand* sleeping by myself. I absolutely have to feel cradled or I freak out. When I was single, I would usually sleep on a couch or made-up futon — a full bed gave me too much room to thrash around in. If I have my other half in bed with me, he sort of anchors me in place and gives me a warm, solid barricade. He also slightly reduces my chances of tearing off all the sheets and wadding them up on the floor in my sleep, but only just 😉
We sleep together in a queen (kings are waaay too big, see aforementioned thrashing) along with our two dogs — the chihuahua sleeps between our pillows, the dachshund sleeps at the foot of the bed under the blankets. I’ll usually wake up with one or both cats bundled up next to me, too. Having a cozy bed full of snuggly warm animals is the way to be :3
Jenn says
Both sets of my grandparents and my parents slept in different rooms. I never understood it and still don’t. I personally think that it is important to my marriage that we sleep together and my hubby feels the same way. We have upgraded to a king size bed and bought a rather expensive mattress and it has been worth it. Like Kayla said, we cuddle for a little while then part ways and go to our side of the bed. I miss my hubby not being in bed when he is out of town. I guess I am just used to having him in bed with me now. I guess to every marriage things are different, but I think if the hubby and I ever stop sleeping together, then our marriage might be on the rocks.
Cecily says
I’m with you Jenn. I can’t stand to sleep without my DH. Whenever he is out of town I toss and turn terribly. Sometimes his back hurts and he gets up in the night to go sleep on the couch. Without his presence I will wake up and not be able to get back to sleep. I don’t like anyone touching me while I sleep but I can’t sleep without him on his side of the bed.
Lynda says
We sleep in a huge bed my husband had made…a king+double…plenty of room…he’s happy…I’d rather have separate rooms ( he snores and keeps the room way too cold).
Jack says
My wife and I have used separate duvets (UK) for 30 years. We now have a double bed seith 2 mattresses so if one moves the other doesn’t. But the big thing was having our own duvet. Blissful sleep.
Cheryl says
My husband and I have 2 twin beds next to each other with our own sheets. This is much better for us because we both are light sleepers and move around a lot. Thankfully, neither of us snore! Although, I see nothing wrong with separate rooms.
Ashley says
When I was in my ‘young 20’s’ I could NOT sleep without my husband in bed. Just couldn’t do it, and the smaller the bed the better. Flash forward to 3 kids later and being in my ‘old 20’s’….I would soooo much rather sleep alone. My kids have all been terrible sleepers, so I’ve taken up camp with them in the living room or their beds. They are super cuddle-y and they do not snore. DH snores, tosses and turns, etc, etc, etc. When we were first married, I thought people who slept separately had major marital issues. Now I get it. Sleeping alone does make sense in a way. I mean, you’re sleeping, it’s not like you’re missing out on much, lol. So I say sleep wherever you can get sleep!
Jen Y says
My husband & I have been married 27 years & recently started sleeping alone. We probably would have years ago if we’d had enough space for seperate rooms but we entered the empty nest last year & have remade our son’s old room into a guest room – that my husband uses most nights now.
We are very happily married. It’s like dating again & we both sleep so much better. We had found that we were both so worried about waking the other up neither of us really relaxed enough to get a deep sleep. We both have health issues that keep us up & down some nights. Plus he snores & I roll around all over the place in my sleep. This way we aren’t worried about waking each other up. He gets up for work very early while I sleep in so I usually tuck him in at night – I’ve done that since we were in our mid 20’s. ;o) It’s much harder to have a good marriage on very little sleep.
We also take afternoon naps!
Sylvia says
I became a widow at 49, 15 months ago. Now it is just me and my cuddle Pug in a huge king bed. After being married for over 30 year it sucks! I am not looking forward to being the only one left. 🙁
Gardening is Wonderful says
Sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine how you feel, but that is one of the reasons we will never sleep apart. Life is short and someday I might not have my husband to sleep with or he might not have me. Another reason is that we just like having each other to snuggle with. He calms me and makes me feel safe and secure. We have been together 18 years and we still sleep right up next to each other. I would kick the animals out of bed if I wanted more space!
Jessica says
We have been married 14y this summer.. we figured out right from the start that we were NOT going to sleep well if we shared blankets etc. So we immediately started using our own.. He has 1 lightweight blanket year round..with a fan blowing on his face, I love my layers! Back before kids I mentioned this arrangement in a conversation at work and people looked at me like I was insane. Swore our marriage would never work.. Still together, still sleeping well! You got to do what works!
Stacey says
Whatever works for the couple is just fine. My husband and I still sleep in a regular, little full-sized bed and like it just fine. We’ve had a number of people comment on what a small bed we have. If someday we feel we need to sleep apart to get our sleep, we’ll be fine, too. Relationships are built during the time we’re awake, not when we’re asleep anyway. Looking out for the needs of the other is the important thing.
Sarah M says
It might have to do with what you are used to from childhood. If you slept with a sibling or parent as a kids, you probably like company.
I definitely sleep better alone. My husband works 24 hour shifts and I (sadly?) look forward to the nights he’s NOT home. But it makes a good balance because I could not imagine sleeping in a separate room of our own home every night. So I can make it through the snoring knowing a night of good sleep is coming.
Ranee says
My husband is 6 ft 4 inches, and I am 5 ft 10 inches….a few years ago, I had a serious back injury and found sleeping anywhere extremely difficult, least of it, sharing a queen size bed with my husband. We made the decision to invest in a king size split bed. Best thing ever. King size bed, but equal to 2 twin size beds, side by side. They are also adjustable which is a nice perk. Our only regret, should have gotten the California King split. Every inch counts. lol
Sheila says
Have worked nights for 30+ years. I work 7p-7a so think perpetually sleep deprived. First night off too tired to care. After that awful sleep because husband snores and makes goofy sounds and wakes me up 6-14 times a night. I make him sleep on the couch when I’ve had enough. As soon as one for the boys move out Husband is getting a new to him bedroom. We can meet in the middle. If that doesn’t work after 31+ years married – guess we have more problems than that. I like bedroom 58-60F in winter. He likes 72+ and a ton of blankets. The duel control electric (per husband) has saved our marriage. I say whatever works for you. Had to threaten him for using the snooze alarm on a regular basis too. Seriously on a day off?!
Frau von E says
We actually had never slept apart for 12 years and then my husband started to travel for work—I always looked forward to having the bed to myself but felt guilty about it. Then he and I started sleeping apart last year after 20 years together. He had started snoring about 6 years before and I toughed it out but then last summer when it was really hot, he started sleeping on a couch on a lower floor where it was cooler and it really helped me a lot. We have a child with special needs who has trouble sleeping most nights and I stay up with him as needed, so when I finally get to bed I REALLY need peace and quiet. I’m a wiggler so even if my husband happened to be sleeping quietly for a while, I was always worried my wiggling would wake up him up or make him turn over and then he’d start snoring again! We now have our own beds and own rooms and that way, besides the snoring issue, I don’t have to wake up when he does at 4:00 a.m. and can sleep in later after I’ve been up with our son half the night. It’s a win-win. Don’t judge the quality of a couple’s relationship by whether or not they have separate bedrooms. Sleep is such an important part of life and if you are crabby from lack of it, or poor quality sleep, I guarantee you will not be kind/patient/loving with your spouse and that will endanger your relationship!
Maria says
Amen to this. I felt guilty about sleeping separate too and I felt embarrassed and worry about people finding out. Now I feel at peace. Like you say, a good sleep will help you be happier together
charwelsh says
Was a little hurt that my husband wanted to sleep separately from me when we first got married 8 yrs. ago. But it actually was a good thing. I’m in the “holy crap I’m on fire” part of my life and thrash around quite a bit. Plus my kitty babies sleep with me, which he doesn’t like. Works out all around!
Pennie says
My husband snores like an elephant and I have restless leg syndrome. Sleeping together was a nightmare and most nights I’d end up going into the spare room to sleep. We decided to have our own bedrooms over 10 yrs. ago and it’s the best decision we ever made 🙂 Our relationship is as loving as it was before the arrangement. People do look at us strangely when they find out, but our comfort is more important than what other people think 🙂
Maria says
I am so glad I am not alone in this subject. We are married 16 years and recently started sleeping in different bedrooms because I really need to go to bed at 9 pm to get a full night of rest but he wants to go to bed at midnight. We love each-other and whatever works to keep us happy is good. I am glad some people can find a partner with same sleep schedule, but that is not us.