We are days away from the largest shopping day of the year. People will flock to stores, battle the masses, and fill their carts with the latest and greatest everythings. And then they’ll head home, wrap those gift, and wait for the smiles that will surely come when happy recipients open said gifts on Christmas morning.
But a recent study at Cornell throws a wrench in all that. It doesn’t question whether gifts will initially make people happy, it focuses on what type of gift creates the most gratitude. The results? People are more grateful for experiences than material things.
“Think about how you feel when you come home from buying something new,” explains Thomas Gilovich, professor of psychology at Cornell University and co-author the new study. “You might say, ‘this new couch is cool,’ but you’re less likely to say ‘I’m so grateful for that set of shelves.’ But when you come home from a vacation, you are likely to say, ‘I feel so blessed I got to go.’ People say positive things about the stuff they bought, but they don’t usually express gratitude for it—or they don’t express it as often as they do for their experiences.”
Another reason for this increased gratitude may be because experiences trigger fewer social comparisons than material things. So, experiences are more likely to create a greater appreciation for the things you DO have!
I agree with this a thousand times over! Plus, I think when people are more grateful, they are more happy. So gifting experiences over things leads to a world full of happier people. And that sounds like a pretty good reason to buy someone concert tickets over the latest gadget!
Do you agree? Do you gift experiences instead of things? Would you prefer to receive experiences instead of things?
Talk to me,
~Mavis
Gina Kitchens says
I would take a hand made gift and just having my kids and grand kids in the house, over every physical present in the world.
Jamie says
I don’t need more clutter and my family know so it. I love handmade cards from my kids (teenagers). No presents for me under the tree this year. No way it can compare to our family trip to Europe this summer or the trip to China with my aging mother and sisters this fall. Family time isn’t where it’s at!
Susie says
I used to like to travel more but lately it’s been to hard for us to travel as a family (we have 8 kids) so I have been liking to spend my money on nicer things. Like a quality jacket rather then used one. So I am not sure. When you get home from vacation you don’t have anything but them memory but a nice couch would last a long time and use every day. Kids do like experiences though and so I try to balance it.
Susie says
Although if someone gave me a leather couch or a trip to Hawaii I don’t know what I would choose! Probably the leather couch and be mad when the kids dump bleach on it like they did to my chair!
Cathy says
I agree last year we bought a week of summer camp for our grand daughter she loved it. My daughter bought us a weekend at a inn in the spring the best!
Katelyn says
I have a friend who, every year, plans out 3 different day trips. He makes a little Powerpoint presentation about each one and then presents them to his family and they vote on which one they want to do. In this case, it’s a group of adults (his wife, his parents, and his sister and BIL) so it’s maybe easier than doing it with kids who may not take disappointment so easily if they’re outvoted, but I think this is such a fun idea!
Mavis Butterfield says
I LOVE LOVE LOVE that idea.
Carrie says
I have two nieces that are 11 and 9 and I have no idea what to get them this year. I asked them and they both responded with “a Build-a-Bear”. They already have 5 of those bears each why do they want more!?!?!? I can’t afford to take them.
Mel says
I don’t know how set they are on the idea, but perhaps accessories for their existing bears might be a cheaper option if they aren’t set on the bears themselves. Pinterest has some fun diy options that might be cost-effective. Maybe the gift could be buying the materials and helping them make outfits, etc. I have a friend that does that with an American Girl-obsessed niece.
Mel says
I think there’s some overlap in experience and material gifts. I typically gift the kids on my list arts and crafts kits, so that’s a material gift that doubles as an experience. They get at least a couple of hours of experience out of it, and they also usually learn a new skill. The same is probably true of gifting games, musical instruments, and sports equipment.
But then, I have a number of shelves that make me feel blessed, and I haven’t been on a vacation in 7 years, so I am perhaps not an authority on this.
Ronda says
I agree, I tend to give my niece and nephews games or craft projects so they have something to open on Christmas but more than just a one and done toy. I have also given swim lessons to them with a swim suit to open on Christmas.
Brianna says
I would rather give my kids experiences than toys. Every year there is at least 1 toy that is a total disappointment, not because they didn’t want it, but because it is so cheaply made and breaks easily, doesn’t work like it claims, or just doesn’t keep their attention long. My kids are 3,6,8, so toys are still requested and they ALL still believe in Santa. I will probably start doing experiences/cash/gift cards when Christmas looses the magic for them.
Linda says
Happy Thanksgiving, Mavis.
Mavis Butterfield says
Thanks Linda, you too. 🙂
Sue R. says
Suggestions for experience gifts, please…
Amy says
These are all ideas to be done with you (as that’s the fun part and the memories)
-movies and a milkshake afterwards so you can discuss the movie
-winter walk and hot chocolate, or snowshoe, or skating outdoors
-take the child out alone to a fancy reaturaunt (fancier than McDonald’s) and let them choose their dish
-my friend asks her relatives to give cash to her daughter’s dancing funds for holidays and birthdays and this way the girls get to take dancing lessons
-build a birdhouse with them and then install it outdoors
-for a family- a pass to their local swimming pool for a day
-just time spent with the child. An adult’s undivided attention is a gift. My aunt and uncle would take us children swimming with them at a wave pool when they came to town once a year, this was something our parents were never able to afford, and we loved it and the time they spent with us.
-Have fun!
Mavis Butterfield says
“An adult’s undivided attention is a gift.” So true!!!
Cheryl says
I’ve done a lot of things in the “experience” category: Paint ball gift card, Mystery Escape Room gift certificate, (google it), Paint & Sip gift certificate, concert tickets, bed & breakfast stay (away from the kids), Massages, Spa Days, wine and Cheese events. And there was the experience for the kids, I wrapped a gift like it was a bomb, had a string for the fuse, actual peanuts to cushion the contents, crinkled up $50 one dollar bills, $20 of individual quarters between 2 slices of tape. Last year I gifted a grand child that just moved out 24 bottles of actual spices (I had them since I can a lot). They got me back with a gift wrapped in wire, a $100 bill stuck in some kind of evil plastic thing that I had to outwit to get the bill ( I think I used a hammer), the blow up doll dressed in granny pants with bills penned to the panties…The experience is that makes you smile long after the event is over.
Mable says
My favorite gift is coupons for help—like the nephew who gives me 10 hours, redeemable anytime, of garden labor. Or the brother who is a mechanic who gives me a free oil change as a gift every birthday and Christmas. I am now entering my late 50s and my husband (who is older) and I really, really are thankful for offers of help. There is a woman who has me down as the backup if she is not home to open the door for her child (the school requires that the driver not leave until he sees a door open and the child go in, just to be sure an elementary school kid is not locked out when it is below zero). I work from home so am glad to be the backup, which happens only 2 or 3 times a semester. Last year she gave me the gift of 5 hours of housecleaning. She came over on a Saturday and worked like a demon and left the place sparkling. I cannot tell you how much more that meant than a mug. I try to do the same sorts of things for folks. I can mend and repair so for one friend who can’t sew but has four kids, I give her some hours of mending.
Angela D. says
Mable– How fabulous all of that sounds! Lucky you!
Cass says
Something they want, something they need, something to wear, something for glee. (glee = experience)
I wish I had know that rhyme when my children were little. Might have kept me from trying to answer their every request their entire childhood. Cuz the toys just didn’t DO IT.
For myself, given my low income, I will take any gift given. A new sweater? I will think of the giver every single time I put it on. A trip to see the fall leaves and lunch out (and I don’t have to drive) I’ll wait for Fall the entire year to go with. (I can’t afford the gas to leaf peep)
But I do think that it depends on your income, family dynamics and age what you prefer. With young kids and no extra money? Material things. Teenage kids? Experiences. (before they are gone from your home) Older adults? Depends on their income. I know the Sr’s I worked with wanted experiences/family time. If their family had to buy a gift for it to feel like “Christmas” they wanted stamps, their decades old linens (of all kinds) replaced and new slippers (at least 1/2 size bigger than they used to wear so they didn’t have to bend to put them on) (PS those new sheets should have stripes so they don’t have to struggle to figure out what directions they go on the bed…otherwise they just don’t change their sheets near as often as they need to be due to the frustration and energy used in putting them on repeatedly til they figure out what way they go on the bed)
KC says
Striped sheets are *brilliant*! I’ve been trying to figure out a way to mark our elasticized-all-the-way-around fitted sheets so that it’s not as much of an obnoxious guessing game to figure out which way they go (esp. on a queen bed – the dimensions are so similar, but not similar enough to fit both ways…), but stripes would eliminate that!
Margie Hudgins says
99% of the time all manufacturers will attach the tag on or in the corner of a fitted sheet. If you put that corner on either the right foot or the left head of the bed, it will be in the correct location. So, just look for the tag. Easy Peasy.
KC says
I had no idea that the tag was always in the same corner across different brands of sheets! Thank you!
Cass says
Sr citizens, many times, can’t see well enough to find that tag. Don’t have the patience to look for that tag. Their sheets are too old to even have an intact tag. Cannot remember the correct end to put the tag on.
Stripes are the way to go for elderly parents (and me too, once I saw how easy it was to put sheets on because of the stripes. Mine are tone on tone, but still stripes I can put on in the correct direction 100% of the time. And what a time saver…I don’t have to look for a tag…just put the stripes up and down and PRESTO I am done)
You would be amazed (or not) at how much energy it takes to change the sheets…and Sr Citizens (esp males) don’t choose to use their limited energy for the day to change their sheets regularly. (I had one patient who hadn’t changed their sheets this calendar YEAR. Ewww) I am just saying that anything you can do to make it an easier process will encourage more sanitary conditions for your beloved Sr Citizen friends and parents. Who want to think of their parents or aunt sleeping in sheets they have dribbled on for a month or two at a time. (I’ve seen it and worse.)
Gail Golden says
The tag in the corner works on sheets, but I have a comforter that used to frustrate me. I put a tiny safety pin in the bottom corner and that solved my problem.
Torry says
I would use a marker from the fabric store to mark my sheets if I couldn’t figure it out. Be sure to get one that won’t wash out!
KAYTHEGARDENER says
Folding flat sheets edge to edge on the diagonal shows which side is longer…
Margery says
This year we are getting to spend Christmas with all of my children after three years of planning they are aged 26 to 11 and spread across three states . We are meeting in FL. We are doing a week long cruise which some are joining us, and rented a house in FL for 7 days when we will all be together and going to Universal so that is their gift and some spending money.
We usually gift our kids new clothes that need to be replaced, for some reason college kids think t- shirts with holes are great and underwear to, a gift card to a gaming or online bookstore ( it used to real books but they prefer to read on line now) . My adult children usually get one household item I know they want but can’t budget for and then a gift card to the grocery store. But my one son ( 26) did ask for a suit. Most years the kids give me a list of three things they would like and we try our best.
My MIL gets a gift card to a restaurant so she and a friend can eat out, and my parents the same, except this year I am getting them a photo book of pictures from our trip to Yellowstone with them this summer.