Dear Mavis,
I am at a crossroads in my life.
My husband recently retired after 40 years in law enforcement. Even before he retired, I have felt a longing to go home even though, technically, it is years before my “retirement age”. I have worked in the medical field for 32 years and other than medical leaves, I have always worked outside the home. I am burned out…….emotionally and, physically.
Last year we made an investment in an outbuilding and a commercial embroidery machine which I love. My question to you and your readers is this:
How do you know when it is time to give up your day job?
So much of my identity has been wrapped in what I do all day long. I know that leaving my career would be good for many reasons. Until I get my business up and going well, our income will be reduced, but, we have no debt. Is it possible to be happy outside the medical career?
Thanks much,
Burned Out in Tennessee
Dear Burned Out in Tennessee,
Seeing how I have pretty much always been a stay at home wife and mother, and would happily move to an island 10 miles out to sea and live there with me, myself and I if only I could convince my husband {okay, so he could come along too}, I am going to hand your question over to the AMAZING people who show up to One Hundred Dollars a Month everyday and see what they come up with.
Because honestly, I can’t ever leave my day job. 😉
So let’s see what the peeps who have been out there in the {work for pay} workforce have to say. I’m sure they’ll know much more about this topic than I do.
Wishing you all the best,
~ Mavis
P.S. Are you struggling with the answer to something in your life? Well, send in your questions HERE and I’ll see if as a community, we can get them answered for you. We might just have a new Dear Abby Mavis column in the works. 😉 How fun would that be?
Martine says
As one who retired/was made redundant at 55 I would say as long as you know you can keep your head above water financially until your pension kicks in then go for it. If you’re as burned out as you say, and you have an idea for a home based business all that is stopping you is courage. I would encourage you to start your business now and work perhaps part time if possible for a few months to see if you enjoy home working. You might miss the company of others however if thats all you miss you can work your own business around hobbies, volunteering etc. Good luck with your decision. Most of my friends who felt they were ‘defined’ by their careers, discovered a whole new life out there after retirement one they wished they’d found sooner!
Marilyn says
I agree with Martine. I worked a reduced workload for 6 months and found that I was really looking forward to my time off from work. I couldn’t wait to get started on my home projects and gardening for the first time in my life. I quit my job and haven’t looked back. My job even called later if I would come back and my response was, “are you kidding me?” If you have your healthcare costs covered and think you can live within your means, I’d say, “Go for it!”
Lisa says
Agree. Sounds,like you are ready. If you can financially do it and have medical insurance
Do it. I see too many people wait too long and they are either to sick or pass away before enjoying retirement. Even at 52. I am working on. MY exit strategy. Having a hobby business is a great idea for wxtra cash. Good. luck god bless
Emily E says
Dear Burned Out in Tennessee, I’ve been a nurse for just over 20 years and burn out is only too common. I made a major job change (and took a few months off to “recover” in the process) and now work part time and love what I do. To me, it sounds like you already know it’s time for a change. I think you just have to decide financially if it’s a feasible option for you right now. The fact that you don’t have debt is huge and will help you while making your decision. Also, have you been taking orders for your embroidery? If you already have a lot of interest and some steady orders coming in, go for it! You could also maybe go part time at your current job or make a total job change to a different area in the medical field while you’re getting your new business off the ground. Best of luck to you! Life is too short and there are no guarantees so embrace what makes you happy!
Carole says
Dear Burned Out, you’re there. You instinctively know when it’s time. I was at your crossroads five years ago. Same situation as you, different career. I loved my job but I was so tired of it. I wanted to enjoy whatever is left doing what I want to do. So I jumped. Admittedly the first year was bumpy, trying to figure stuff out. Now, looking back I wonder what took me so long. I look forward to each and every day, never been so busy as I am now. The difference is I’m doing what I really want to do.
Hope this helps
Peggy says
Hey there Tennessee! I feel your pain working in healthcare sine my early 20’s. It’s a noble job and I love taking care of people, but so taxing to the body and mind, I can’t wait to not have to go to work. I don’t work outside the home full time, but I can’t wait to not have to go at all, so my answer would be anytime! You’ve been in it for a long time, and you want to start something you would enjoy, although the business end will be a pain I’m sure, at least for awhile, I would take advantage of it before your body says ‘no, you don’t have the energy to take this on’. I like to have the mindset of I work to live, not live to work. You’re used to the full time work schedule, but it’s probably not your identity, I would go with what you love. Best of luck to you, congrats to the hubby on retirement, and hopefully he’s supportive of you, I would imagine he might be going a bit stir crazy too with his change in schedule, this might be the perfect time to follow your dreams.
Pauline in Upstate NY says
Dear “Burned Out,”
Been there and done that… These days, careers in healthcare involve unrelecting pressure to “do it faster, do it better, do it cheaper,” and there’s no end in sight. Since I retired, I have been as happy as a pig in a puddle. It takes a little time to heal your body and your soul from that kind of work stress, so I don’t think doing a six-month trial works as well as a total disconnect where you’re not worrying on the back burner of your mind about going back. If you have no debts and if you have health insurance covered (this is a BIG one!) and if your husband is supportive of this change, then my advice would be to jump and grab the brass ring! I don’t remember who said it, but the quote about “regrets at the end of one’s life being more about what we *didn’t* do than about what we *did* do” has always resonated with me. Best of luck to you!
Mim says
Agree with all the above. DO IT! I retired early from my job — in health care administration — because we decided that there was far more value in me being at home with my husband (older than I and already retired) and us doing things we love together every day than in my continuing to work and put away retirement money. We have never been happier. And I have never been so busy. Or so healthy.
You will be amazed at how much lighter and freer you feel. Go for it!
Christy L says
A few years ago I was working for a company and it had become toxic. I stayed because I did not have another job lined up. They decided to lay off the senior members of my team (including me), so the decision was made for me. I was relieved because the stress was gone! Now, I am working part-time in a much healthier environment and my husband has started his own business a year ago so money is tight but we had made some plans to be able to do this. So we are giving it a go at a less professional busy schedule for me which allows me time to help my sister who is a single mom and he gets the business up and running.
One BIG financial consideration to think about before you make the decision is health insurance. Do you have coverage through your husband’s retirement plan (it sound like you are not old enough to qualify for medicare yet)? Buying our own insurance and the price tag associated with that was a big surprise to us! Just be aware this could be a major expense that you are currently not paying directly. Go into this with your eyes wide open.
If you can financially make the change, I’d recommend doing it. What about switching to a part time position as you grow the embroidery business? The burnout might be less and it will give you a chance to try the change while still having some income. Good luck.
Good luck.
Paula says
I sounds like that you are ready to make the leap! You don’t have to be unhappy! You have one life to live. It’s time to live it. Sounds like your finances are in good shape. Having no debt is a big thing. I would recommend to start saving your income. Stockpile some cash. Live for at least 3 months off of the income that you would have and see how it goes. During that time, begin to journal about what your days would look like. You need to prepare for retirement on many different levels: Financially, emotionally and with your husband. Begin to talk with your husband about what this would mean for your relationship. Make sure that you are both on the same page. I have taken this route myself. I left my teaching career after 25 years. For extra income, I sold our extra stuff around the house on Ebay. I did this for one year. It kept me busy, gave me some extra money, and my house was less cluttered. After the year of decluttering, I began to volunteer at the local animal shelter. We found one of our furbabies there! Since then, we have sold our home and moved into our retirement home in the mountains. We love it! Each year, I pick a focus for my year. Previous years have included: Declutter, Comunity Service, Connect with Friends and Neighbors, Travel, Family. My focus for 2019 will be “Wellness”. Good Luck!!!!
Ellen Green says
Dear Burned Out in TN,
I worked with the school system for a long time, in a variety of jobs. My last position, though it was my favorite, left my mind like a filing cabinet that is so full of folders that you can barely cram one more in (paired with the inability to sleep). I had to get away, or thought I must, to survive. The first year of retirement, I did a “happy dance” every time I realized that I was really retired! Financial situation was not great, but I had time to work in the garden, etc… and I have tried to compensate for loss of income by growing a lot of our food. In the subsequent years I realized that I missed my students. They got my jokes, and we had similar interests and senses of humor. I miss that. Badly. Then I thought about all the years of information and skill stored in my mind that no one is really interested in anymore. When employees with almost 30 years experience retire and are replaced by less experienced staff, it is a loss to those who are being served! (I try not to think about the 4 computer hard drives full of lessons plans and units that I worked so many hours to develop that I left for the next teacher and the school system discarded that summer.)
So my advice is that you make a list of pros and cons, and think long and hard about retirement. If your employer will allow it, you might take a year off to rest before you commit. I’m not saying I regret retirement, as it has afforded me opportunities to be with my grandchildren, but there are things and people I miss.
Formerly Burned out in MS
Rajena says
Have you looked into being a substitute teacher or volunteering at a school? I don’t know how other school districts operate but with my kids’ district the substitute teachers can accept or decline any job. This may allow you to be with the kids, give you a little extra income, but not have all the stress that comes with being a full time teacher.
Heather says
First off, congratulations to you and your husband on his retirement! My husband just retired from law enforcement last June and it’s been an adjustment these last 6 months for the two of us. His adrenaline doesn’t pump daily from the job and he is enjoying the stress free life we have now. That said, finding our new roles has been interesting 🙂 I still work for the department and love the job and I’m not close to retiring yet lol. I echo the above comments and say go for it! Life is too short to keep doing the same old thing and not feeling fulfilled. I wish you well in your new adventure of a retiree hubby and hope you take a leap of faith on yourself to try this new thing! You deserve to at least try and don’t bet against yourself! From one Blue Familu to another. 🙂
Rebecca in MD says
Dear Tennessee,
Agree with all that has been said thus far. I was in exactly your position two years ago – – – no debt, burned out, not quite retirement age – – – but I retired early and am so happy I did. I am so much happier, less stress, doing what I want, etc. I am now working part-time teaching online, which gives me some “mad money” which I use for travel.
Life is short – – — don’t waste another minute in a job that doesn’t give you joy!
Karen W says
Sounds like you know you are ready and just need to take the leap! I am 63, single, in nursing 42 years and also knew it was time to stop! So much stress, it just is not the same profession I knew. Biggest worry for me was health care and I am on COBRA nail I qualify for SS. After 6 months I have known that this is the best decision that I have made for me and my mental and physical health. You can stay in touch with the people and volunteer if you want to stay in touch. I need to be a bit more frugal since I am not collecting SS or pension for a few years, but the freedom is so worth it! I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to be retired. I have giv n myself a year to just go with th foo regarding what I want to do on a daily basis. The days, weeks and months go so quickly and I am never bored. It is so. Ice to be off around the holidays. I was fearful but absolutely mad the right decision. Good luck. Don’t be afraid and enjoy your free time!
KC says
Figure out money, figure out health insurance, do the math to sort out when it’s feasible with or without side income (many crafty businesses don’t actually “take off” and become substantial money-makers, which is not an assessment of their inherent quality or artistry – it’s often hard to compete with mass-produced stuff, and that’s worth bringing into calculation).
But also look really hard at whether your feelings of self-worth are tied to Traditional Productivity and to a paycheck – some people have a really hard time with that aspect of things, which can be exacerbated or alleviated by the attitudes of those around you. That feeling of loss of identity and loss of worth might not be made worse retiring a bit early than by retiring at the normal age, but it’s something to be aware of and armed against anyway. I’d also look a bit at social networks and check whether you’ve got good social support if you do call it a day and head home; if the people in your life are mostly “work friends”, they may stick or may drop off when your daily contact with them ceases, or if the people in your life are all working unhappily, then there may be envy and other crankiness to deal with. And that may be fine – some people need less social support. But extroverts beware – although there are lots of ways to pick up extra people time, like volunteering, and you can structure your week so that grocery shopping is on one day and another people-time activity is on another day. 🙂 Just set it up ahead of time so you don’t have to dig yourself out of that extra funk.
If you can go for it, go for it! Run the numbers, post them on a wall in case you later have panicked doubts, add inspirational quotes about who you are (that are not related to your having saved this number of peoples’ lives this week), and have a ball! 🙂
Cathy says
I am all for retiring and believe you know when it’s time but my issue is health insurance if you have that figured out then go for it!
Mary says
I retired at 56 after 30 years with the Postal Service.Best thing I ever did .I love waking up everyday and not having to go to work for 10-12 hrs a day.I volunteer 4 days a week at a food pantry and get a great deal of satisfaction in helping others.I plan on spending the next 30 years doing what makes me happy.If you have no debt definitely retire.You will not regret it.
Rynda says
So familiar! I have been in education for over 25 years. The giving of yourself, and the demand for so much more support in the classrooms, buildings, across the district – can make a person feel drained most of the time. (sound familiar?) This year I relinquished my role as administrative department head, and gave up the full time schedule. I was so afraid of walking away completely. Afraid that my request for part time would be denied. Afraid that i just could not keep it up and be healthy. But, I took the leep.
My husband encouraged me to do it. We also have no debt. We live frugally – one major reason I was originally drawn to this blog ten years ago- and we have saved for the future. As mentioned many times in the above responses, keep these things in mind – life is precious – take care of you; make sure you have health insurance; find things that continue to give you purpose each day; and believe in yourself!
The one last thing I’d share about retirement – the 4% rule. Do a web search on this and believe in it. It’s so amazing. At the age of 50, I now work part time, I am being asked to do paid projects here and there, and I have time for me. Which makes me a much better person toward others. 😉
Here’s to you! Things do work out. Dreams do come true (as Mavis has written so many times). And – you can do this!
Peace and joy from Oregon
Deborah from Texas says
Burned out, if you can make it on your husbands retirement until you can get your home business up and running, go for it! Or maybe even start your business part time until you can get enough business to quit your “day” job.
Mable says
Husband and I worked together our entire careers, from one office in our home. Some of our projects required travel or being based at a business for the duration of the project, but other than that we were together 24 hours a day. We managed to retire debt free at 50 and have never regretted it. We are both pretty introverted, however, so enjoy being alone together all the time; obviously this would not work for everyone. It took us about a year to adjust, to not feel like we were forgetting to do some project. It also took time to not care that we were no longer essential to anyone or connected to the professional world, but now we fulfill that with some volunteer activities. We travel, read, raise and preserve almost all our own food, and feel blessed to be out of the rat race.
Ellen Smith says
Oh, I am in that exact postiion right now. 32 years in the healthcare field–not a nurse but admin. I do still love my job and the amazing people I work with but I am just tired. Everyone is moving to a new building in March and there is going to be so many changes and upheaval I decided to make the move. I am very fortunate in as a single woman I will have a good pension and SS. And now that I am old enough for Medicare the insurance part will be covered. My last day is December 28th. Half the time I am giddy about not having to get up at 4:30 anymore and the other half I’m kind of weepy because I will miss everyone so much. But for now–I’m leaning more toward giddy!
sharon says
From a different point – My DH did not retire until he was 80 and breaking down. I begged him at times as money was not the issue. He enjoyed his job. But what happened was that when he retired, he was too worn out for us to enjoy the vacations and things we were going to do after retirement. Retire now.
Cass says
DO IT!!! I have been at several death beds (para-professional health care) and NO ONE ever said “I wish I had worked one or two more years” EVER. Their regrets were the things they hadn’t done with family, friends and relatives.
Of course, everyone above me have valid points…health insurance, social isolation, etc. But those are just speed bumps to having fun while you are young enough to have it. Work those out and start enjoying your “golden years” because they can quickly turn to the “rust years”, and THEN you will have regrets.
PS Every single aspect of the medical field needs staffing. If you try it for a year and it just isn’t working you can probably have a job within 24 hours of your decision, on your terms.
Pam says
Last year I retired at age 53 from a job I always liked but was so worn out trying to work and keep our home, property, animals taken care of. The keys for me to be able to walk away were 1) we had our house paid off, 2) my husband’s job provided health insurance, and 3) I am the type of person that can busy myself from morning til night, and would be happy never leaving my house! I am also a very frugal person who does not like to shop. So, after this first year, I can honestly say we have barely felt any difference financially. I am amazed at how much less we can live on when someone is home to care for things and we are not making convenience purchases.
If you can live on less and have a way to get health insurance, I encourage you to follow your dream. Good luck!
Happily Retired & Married says
I quit my job a month before I turned 46 (got us debt free at that time!) and the next year my husband retired from teaching a month before he was 51. That was almost 11 years ago!! It’s hard to believe how fast it has gone. Best decisions we ever made. Now we are involved in ministry and doing what we love.
If things don’t work out always remember there is always a plan “B”. We tightened our belts and knew if we ever needed to, we could always go back to work. After a while and enjoying what we are doing, we make decisions that continue keeping us on the path of plan “A”.
Barbara Bomberger says
I agree that in General, if you are asking the question it may be time. I would sit down with hubby and work the numbers, and (although I havent seen it addressed although I scanned quickly) discuss with hubby what your life will be like with both of you retired. With all due respect to men, they sometimes want to follow us around. It seems as though if you needed to you could return to your field in some way. Do, however, make absolutely sure what your health care and health insurance will look like until you and/or he become medicare eligible!!
Lisa says
OMG. I am also struggling with this at almost 52. Medical field. Part time now and exhausted mental and physical. Cant keep up w home life. Lost my identity with doing things i love. Financially and insurance wise can swing it. Waiting on husband to retire first. Maybe one more year.
Burned Out in Tennessee says
All of this Lisa. Every bit of this. People who do not work in the medical field do not understand the stress of the job day after day after day. It has just become something that I endure…..my job is no longer something I enjoy. I started my embroidery business two years ago and it exploded. Quite frankly, I could have stopped working then but my “wants” were greater than my “needs”. I do have health insurance provided through my husband’s career employer until I retire. I get the reduced rate provided to all the employees of the city where he worked. It is one of the wonderful benefits provided to retirees and will be continued to be offered to me until I am 65. Our IRA’s are funded, I have a 401K, savings account, and Christmas account. I am not opposed to finding a one day a week job doing what I do right now. I just don’t have it in me to deal with a commute in which I have had two wrecks in three weeks (neither my fault), long hours, and huge language barriers between me and my patients as interpreters are not provided for me. I can garden, can, dehydrate fruits and vegetables and we grow our own beef. Thank you to each and every one of you who have jumped in with encouragement. I appreciate it more than you know.
SandyF says
What wonderful and supportive comments from you all.
I was with USPS for 25 years, management HQ. After 5 reorgs and RIFS (reduction in force ) they offered our team an early out. It was a now or wait at least 5 years offer. We made a spreadsheet of expenses, and saw that it was actually doable. I took a huge cut, but USPS offer was too good to refuse. I was sooooo burnt out, my job required travel, long hours, stress and the fear of job cuts every week. My Mother had terminal cancer so-it was the best decision I ever made.
It is weird not having as much $$-but you really do spend a lot less when you retire. my husband has a great retirement, and I pay the health care. Lived in our house 20 years, low mortgage and paid off cars. We are lucky, but really planned and saved for retirement. We both choose jobs with a pension and health care.
My son passed away 2 years after retirement -so I am grateful for not having to work, because there is no way I could have ever worked going through this. I had bug plans for volunteering etc-but now is out time to heal and take care of ourselves.
I am like Mavis-happy to be home everyday, I sew, knit, can, finally was able to get dogs, and cook. I am content and grateful. Going through what I did with my son-life tells you really clearly-live nor now-done waste your days and if you can retire-DO IT! Best of luck to you and please-let us know what you decide-we are all pulling for you.
Cecile Hoare says
My thoughts on Burnt out in Tennessee; If you are still of ‘working age’ then why not take the leap of faith in yourself now, move on with your journey and see what happens? If things get rough with your husband under your feet all day and you need space, you could always go back part-time when you feel the urge! There are no rules to this game called life so make your own path and see what happens along the way! Enjoy!
Candice says
Dear Tennessee,
About 15 years ago I was talking with a woman whose husband had just passed at 65. They had just built their dream home which they had saved for their entire lives. He died 6 months after retirement. My point is, you don’t know what tomorrow brings. Do it now! Don’t be one of those people who looks back 2, 5 or 10 years from now and says “I really wish I had done that 2, 5, or 10 years ago”. Life is too short. Best of luck and God Bless
WendyinCA says
One of my friends had a boss that was socking away money to retire early, so she could then enjoy life and travel the world. She never even took a vacation–gave her timeshare time to my friend, even–and then out of the blue she has a heart attack and dies in her early 50s!!! All of that work for what?? Tomorrow is not guaranteed to us.