I think we all go through stages in our lives where we question ourselves. We wonder what the heck we are doing wrong.
Last year was a hard one for me. The kids are off doing their own things, it seemed like the HH was working all the time, I didn’t have the kick arse garden and chickens that I used too and we survived some hard stuff as a family. All of that combined put me in a funk.
I was restless, bored out of my mind. It was a weird place to be. And since I was kind of in uncharted waters, I didn’t realize the funk I was in until I was buried in it. I had lost my mojo!
But that was then. A fresh new year is around the corner. And it’s going to rock. Because I’m about to get my mojo back. Here’s how:
Attitude: I’m shifting it because I know that’s where it all begins. Because I’ve recognized that last year was kinda junky, I’m aware of that and bound and determined to change it. I think going into the new year with that attitude will set me up for success.
Habits: I’m taking stock of all of my habits and determining which are harmful habits and which are positive ones. Sometimes it’s easy to mistake one for the other until you see their long-term effect. If burying myself in a TV show at night is distracting me from things I need to accomplish, and accomplishing things brings me joy, the TV has to go. Same thing goes for taking care of myself. Healthy eating, more sleep, increased exercise. In with the good, out with the bad!
Priorities: This is a tough one, because sometimes I mistake what I have to do with what I should be doing. I put work over family, unimportant over important. I think life lends itself to that without us realizing it. But I’m making a list of where my priorities should be, and shaping my year around those.
Thoughts: If I’m constantly filling my head with negative thoughts, worst case scenarios and worries, those thoughts start to leak out and manifest themselves. Not good. Next year, I’m going to do everything in my power to shift my thoughts to good. If I start to worry about something out of my control, I’m going to try to recognize that. If I start to dwell in the negative, I’m going to make a conscious choice to flip it positive. I might start with some daily affirmations. Anyone do that now? Love it? Does it help?
Perspective: This is tied right into thoughts, but goes a step further and ventures into action. I’m going to try doing old things in new ways, changing the way I look at things. I think changing your view and your perspective can help you find new solutions and new confidence. Perspective shift here I come!
New Activities: I’m a creature of habit. I do the same things over and over because I find comfort in them. But there’s a whole big world out there, and I’ve experienced only a fraction of it. I’m going to explore some new activities to pull me out of my comfort zone, and hopefully by doing that, I’ll be pulled out of my funk, too. Scary things, crazy things, things I’ve never even thought to try. Maybe this year is the year. Skydiving anyone?
Goals: This is a biggie. I’ve got some crazy, lofty, wild, awesome goals written down for next year. I’m so excited about them I can hardly stand it. I think setting goals and working towards those goals is so important. It shifts your focus to the work and keeps you anticipating the end result. It makes me excited just thinking about them!
Do Good: It’s pretty dang hard to be in a funk when you are serving others. That’s going to be a big deal to me this year. Doing good makes me feel good. Simple as that.
So that’s my plan. Do you have any tried and true suggestions to getting your mojo back?
Bring it on 2017!!
Cheers,
~Mavis
Jenny Young says
I love all of these ideas but doing good is the best. Serving others really helps you take your focus off of yourself & what’s making life hard onto others. There is nothing like the joy on someone’s face when you’ve done something to help them.
Our local weatherman, who is kind of a local hero around here, put this quote on FB on Christmas Eve. ‘Instead of watching the face of the person opening the gift, watch the giver.’ I did that this year. It’s a beautiful thing to give & it’s even more beautiful seeing the joy in the giver. Looking back through the pictures of Christmas I noticed some great shots of my daughter-in-law as I opened the gift from her…..I loved it! Her face was so precious, seeing the joy in being able to give something to me.
There is nothing better than serving others.
Patty P says
A great perspective to take (watching the giver versus the receiver)…I agree, serving others is the greatest of these suggestions!
Katy says
WooHoo! I’m right there with you. Out with the old crappy 2016 and in with a bright shiny new year! My key word is FOCUS. I just need to focus and I know I can do anything.
Mavis Butterfield says
Thank you for the lovely box you sent!!! I just opened it up and everything smells lovely. XOXO
Katy says
You are very welcome. I hope 2017 brings back your MOJO full force!
Naomi says
I swear, you have read my mind! I have felt, I guess, a bit “off” this year. Both kids have moved out, my husband owns his own business, so our schedule doesn’t always jive, and I’m really just hating my job. What I need to do first is stop my negative thinking. I’ve realized lately, that I am such a kind person to everybody but me. My brain can go from zero to apocalypse in under two seconds, and everything I do isn’t good enough. I’ve decided to really pay attention how I “speak” to and about myself and turn it around. As far as my job, we need the paycheck and benefits, but what I really want to do is own my own business. I’ve set short term and long term goals, and have begun implementing them already. I’ve decided that 2017 is my year, and while this is my short list of making 2017 great, it’s absolutely going to work!
Margaret says
I would add one thing, make sure that you are in good health. A funk can be the result of a physical issue too.
I was just at the doctor because of a tick bite. He ran some additional tests and found out that I have an autoimmune disorder. I had been feeling a bit under the weather for some time now, not enough to go to the doctor, but enough to know that I was not 100%. Now I know why and can do something about it.
So I would recommend putting a check-up on your to-do list.
Jamie says
It sounds like you’re already on your way to re-focusing using my ultimate Pro-Tip: Admit and gameplan!
I hear you. I feel the same way and have been fervently working to set myself up for success in the new year. I just hope the novelty doesn’t wear off in month 1. You’re an inspiration to keep going for all 52 weeks!
Shelle says
I could have written this post a few years ago! Three years ago we seemed to have Murphy visit on a very regular basis. Crashed cars, sick and hospitalized kids, and having a new baby took all the mojo out of me and the whole family for far too long. That new baby just turned three a couple of days ago and I’m feeling like we’re back on level ground again. DH and I are being more intentional in our marriage and I’m doing some things just for myself. We’re also serving more (specifically with a local homeless ministry) and making an effort to connect with friends. It was hard at first to sign up for something new or invite friends over, but it’s just become part of what we do now, and it’s definitely been good for us. Getting our mojo back took effort and it was uncomfortable at first, but of course, so worth it. You are a goal-oriented person and you’ve never been one to back down from a challenge, so I look forward to reading about all the mojo you get back this year!
Sarah says
Thank you for your comments! I feel like you just described my life. We just had baby #4 nine months ago, and I feel like I’ve been in a funk for the past 2 years. Many of your goals are ones that I’ve written down for this new year, including a homeless ministry that has presented itself. Thank you for reminding me that there is a light at the end of this funk.
Carrie says
Be in nature daily. When I am stressed it really helps to just take a 15 minute walk with no headphones, listening to the birds or squirrels run around. Or you can drink your tea on the patio instead of inside. When I make an effort to get outside a little bit everyday my day is more productive and I feel better.
Also, listening to music will lighten my mood and motivate me to clean the tub or tackle the mound of dishes. lol!
Conni says
I see and love the wisdom of your suggestion ……and your writing it made me see a connection: I AM more productive on the days I have my quiet time outside! Thank you, Carrie!
Leah says
I have been trying some affirmations myself this year and I think if you find the right one at the right time it can really help. I downloaded an app on my phone that has a variety to choose from, or you can even put your own in the app to add to the rotation. It’s nice because you can use the ones they have come up with as well as ones that you may have found elsewhere. There is an option to set a time each day that a notification will pop up on your phone with the next affirmation on the list. One of my favorites is “I release all negativity and hold joy in my heart.”
I really like the picture you chose for this one!
Gail says
I like this idea. What’s the name of the app?
Alicia says
You are definitely not alone. I couldn’t get into the holidays at all this year my funk had gotten so big. Really going to work hard to keep 2017 funk-free!
Ellen in Clackamas says
Mavis, do you still have the East-Coast house? Haven’t heard you talking about it for a while
Anna says
This post truly resonated with me. Losing my father last summer took the wind out of my sails. I cut back on work shortly thereafter due to work related injury, to be more accessible to my mom for emotional support, and frankly Im a tinge burned out after almost 2 decades in my field. The increased free time is great, but admittedly wasted at home much of the time (Im an introvert and don’t do people for big lengths of time). I need direction and most definitely my mojo. Time for some achievable goals, changing non-constructive habits, and injecting some serious enthusiasm in to this sort-of-astray suburban housewife. Suck it 2016. Lets turn this thing around 2017!!!
Linda Head says
I am sorry. We are dealing with loss this yr. prayers and hugs Anna
Anna says
Thank you Linda. Best to you too!!! 🙂
Monica says
Try skydiving at Skydive Kapowsin over in Shelton. I have jumped there twice. Or try bungee jumping in Cougar, WA. Check bungee.com
Have you thought of lending your gardening skills with refugee centers? Great way to put your talents to use. Or teach it through your extension office.
Cathy Tarr says
I thought about this when you were asking about getting a job. I think you should start a community garden. You obviously love doing it and you could get local students – even Special Needs students and adults – involved and teach them about gardening. Perhaps even your local school has a plot of land they would let you use for this! And the food could be given to the volunteers for their help! if you want to get out of your funk this would be a very positive experience!
Marcia says
You do a pretty good job of faking it when losing your mojo! I wouldn’t have guessed.
I’ve been there though, in particular a few years ago. Second baby, overweight, really crappy job situation with a horrible boss.
It’s been a slow and steady climb. I feel much better now. I’ve lost most of the weight, I’m getting more sleep. I signed up for a 1/2 marathon. Word isn’t the best but it is MUCH better.
Big changes are hard to navigate. You have to learn the new normal. I have a good friend who was in a horrible accident 2 years ago. In addition to it being hard to find a job in our industry here, she’s injured enough that it’s hard to work at all (had to re-learn how to walk, uses a cane, and we are only 46). So, we’ve recently had a discussion about it – how long do to fight to regain your traction, keep moving forward, do better than before? And, when do you accept the “new normal”. Because not everyone keeps advancing.
Stacy T. says
I think you are totally on the right track for 2017 I like to write in a gratitude journal every morning before my morning walk. It helps me get my thoughts together for the day. Like you said, it’s really hard to feel crappy when you’re helping someone, it’s also pretty hard to feel negative when you’re thinking of everything you’re grateful for. Best of luck for the new year.
Catherine says
I have these struggles off and on, Mavis. Here are a couple of things that help me: (1) focus on gratitude–write down what I am grateful for several times a week and work on expressing gratitude in my interactions with others; (2) focus on the present–the sights, smells, touches, tastes, feelings of now. This one is the hardest for me because my mind always races to the future! If you master that one, would you send me the trick? 😉
Debbie says
Best post and comments EVER!! I love the positive vibe and I will join you on the mojo quest. Life happens and We get lost just going through the motions. Let’s make 2017 a mindful, positive year!
Linda Head says
hmmm yes the empty nest is not all it crack up to be but— we do move on. After almost 10yrs of all 3 being gone I am slowly finding my purpose. having that 1st grand really helped. We lost my mil last yr and just first part of Dec. my dh sister we were responsible for- handicapped- she’d chosen to stay in NC- we managed her care from afar. We will always miss her but putting it in perspective she isn’t handicapped anymore spent Christmas in Heaven with the folks.
Next stage. I liked what you had to say. Encouragement for all, as we’ve all been there. Love your blog! Happy New Year
RebekahU says
Mavis – You truly have resilience! I saw a shirt today, and I loved it! Your post brought it to mind. It said: “When you get knocked down, DO A BURPEE!!! “. Don’t just stand back up – hop back up and growl “Bring it on! ” I’m looking forward to 2017 too. 2016 was good for me in a few ways but overall it was a really rough year. Happy New Year to you and to all of your blog family.
Rebekah
Mrs. C. says
I hear you, Mavis. Thanks for this post. I am actually a little ahead on my 2017 goals, which makes me happy after the tough last few years. I, too, have to prioritize my health.
Affirmations don’t really help me, but reading positive, uplifting things does help.
Anna G says
A coworker has this posted at her desk:
“Attitude is everything, choose a good one”
I try to keep that is mind when life gets in my way.
Heather Farmer says
I love the Miracle Morning book by Hal Elrod. He talks about six things to do every morning called SAVERS – silence, affirmations, visualization, exercise, reading and scribing (journalling).
Great book and great practices to get you out of a funk
gina says
I can’t start the day without reading a daily devotional. Puts it all in perspective for me that God has my back and I can handle anything that comes my way.
Barbara Webster says
Mavis, I understand your funk. I lost my husband toward the end of October. I have been floundering since trying to find my new normal. You have been an inspiration for me these past few years while I’ve had the role of caregiver as well as wife. I look forward to reading your blog everyday and I learn so much. Thank you.
Denise B says
I am sorry for your loss, and I hope you find comfort in the new year. I know blogs like this one have continued to be inspiration for me during difficult times, and I am very grateful also.
Mavis Butterfield says
Barbara I’m sorry to hear that. 🙁
Margo says
Know what you mean. Tough year, lost several friends, had some health issues, and ending the year with a family tragedy as well. Bring on 2017. I find affirmations, or affirmative prayer really get me going and help to keep me focused in the morning. I’ve been retired for 3 years, and my nest has never been totally empty for long (kids are gone, but caring for my almost 90 year old mother now). A season for everything. I am taking a cue from you and making a goals list also.
So…enjoy the empty nest – they come home and sometimes roost in what you have renamed “The Guest Room”! Enjoy serving others, it’s a blessing. Plant a great garden this year. 10 minutes in a garden is better than medication! But skydiving??? Really??
Freesialynn says
So I can’t help but add that it’s also essential to feel, validate, and offer compassion to ourselves. Funks don’t find us for no reason… if we don’t validate and offer kindness to ourselves (as we would if a loved one was going through the same thing), we are often burying the pain vs. moving through it. It will creep back in at some point if we don’t process it. There is wisdom in emotion, we wouldn’t have the capacity to feel if it didn’t provide us some necessary information about surviving and thriving.
Tracy says
Mavis, I agree with everything you’ve written, and also with what the other posters have added. I would, however, like to add two things for your consideration:
1. Add new “inputs”. It’s great to say we’re going to adjust out attitudes, change our perspectives, or approach things differently. But we also need to acknowledge that we all only know what we know, and it’s quite likely that if we actually knew how to do better, we’d probably already be doing better. To learn new ways to face life, find joy, or as you put it, get your mojo back, seek lots of outside input. Talk to people, read things, get out of your own head a bit by seeking input from others. Take comfort in knowing you don’t have to follow their lead, take their advice, or do as they do. But in my experience, whenever I feel blocked, I find a way to seek others’ knowledge and most of it, I toss aside. But every tenth person I speak to, or book I read, gives me insight I would not have had otherwise. Mavis, you’re an introvert, according to you. Try, if you can, to talk to other women experiencing a similar stage of life. You’ll be amazed at what you learn, and sometimes it comes from the simplest of souls out there.
2. Give yourself a freakin’ break. One year of my adult life, I had a horrific time. Just a million things went wrong. I felt like I was made of glass the entire year. Breakable, fragile. And a wise older woman told me to practice “acute self care”. Get plenty of sleep. Make a perfect cup of tea and sit and drink it over 30 minutes…not gulp it in two. Wrap yourself in a high quality cashmere wrap, just to feel the sublime softness against your your neck. Sit in a chair by a sunny window while the wind or rain howls is upside and eat a fantastic cup of perfect soup, just sitting with your thoughts. Take a really long walk on a beautiful wood path and really look at what you’re seeing. Take a long bath with amazing salts or oils– whatever you fancy. In short, treat your yourself like you would treat someone in a fragile state — with great love and care. I can’t tell you how counter to my usual nature all these things are. But boy did this help me survive, get a clear head, and, well, make me feel loved while I regained my sea legs.
Mavis, you’re a smart cookie. And you also live hard in your own head. Find a way to come in contact with more people with whom you have something in common, and, value yourself a bit like a patient for a while. Sometimes trying to double down and rev up is exactly what you don’t need. You’ll find your way. I promise.
JR says
I loved this post so much that I had to comment! 2016 did challenge a few of us but we are ready to embrace 2017. Best wishes and have a happy New Year!
SusieQ says
I would highly recommend you try volunteering. It is really amazing how it helps your mental state and the “pay” is priceless. With your love of animals, you could easily help walk dogs at a shelter. Or volunteer at a school’s reading program. I really wish I could share my love of this because once people try it and find a good fit, they are hooked. And when you feel helpless about what is going on in the world, you volunteer a few hours and then can really understand how you are helping make this a better place to live.
Margery says
My 2015 was the hard year, we moved from NY to Kansas, and since my hubby moved the year before us we had the whole live together again stress. Plus 9 days before moving from the home we had lived in for 12 years our daughter got married, two of our boys graduated high school, and we left 2 of our children in NY.
Our whole extended family lives in NY and we live in Kansas now. For almost a year all I wanted to do was sleep, and didn’t want to cook. What fun is it to cook for 4 people ( one being a child who could live on chicken nuggets) when I had been cooking for 9 plus good eaters.
After knowing what was wrong I started trying stuff I was taking out 5-6 cook books at a time from the library trying to get back to cooking. And that is getting better, but I really look forward to when the boys are home on break that is when I cook the most. Plus my Friday night cook who has made pizza for us for the last 7 years was at school most of the year.
I take time to look at the positives of the move, one it doesn’t snow as much, my hubby has a 5 min drive to work instead of 40, the boys are doing great in college and one has meet a great girl , our 16 yo girl is at a bigger high school ( she went from a class of 20 to about 600 ) and has gotten to try new things like going to Japan last summer and learning to speak Japanese. The little guy gets to play soccer almost year round. I miss my older two and am still hoping to get the daughter to move here, I keep offering the idea of babysitting when they start a family.
I also got a job this school year that runs along with the school one so I am around for the younger kids. Another plus is the store is 5 min away and not 30, and the sun shines here a lot back in NY we could go a month or more with never seeing the sun.
I am still working on finding a new friend for me, I am naturally a introvert and really only need one friend at a time to have coffee with. So trying to find a person who is not needy and likes to get together once in a while can be a challenge.
Stress is hard, change is hard but thinking positive is an important first step. Take time process the stress and changes, spend time outside, meet new people, and have a great year.
Susan says
Wow, what a wonderful post and such wise comments. The only thing I would add (which is somewhat “covered” by others) is to integrate some sort of spirituality into our lives. I happen to be active in an organized religion and truly benefit from both the eternal perspective and the community support/structure, but meditation, personal study, etc., seem to also be hugely beneficial for those who aren’t into organized religion.
June says
It really helps me to have lunch dates with friends. As an introvert, I prefer to lunch with 1 friend at a time. Gives me a place to be at a certain time and gets me out of the house for great conversation.
Christy says
Wow, great goals. Thank you for inspiring me to write down yearly goals too. I may not always accomplish them, but sometimes I make progress and that is good enough! I wish you all the best and hope 2017 is 1000x better than 2016 for you and your family. I’m also delighted to see all the positive comments here. Thank you for hanging tough and sharing your journey with us.
Angie Lawrence says
Mavis – Gotta tell you. You are the top of my list of people I wish I lived next door to. (If you knew how anti-social I am you would be pleased)
Have a wonderful 2017 – and make it the year you visit the Isle of Man for Pete’s sake!
Warm regards
Angie