At the risk of sounding old fashioned, I am going to say, kids these days have a lot more distractions than we ever did. Sometimes, that kind of makes me feel sorry for them. More than them, though, I feel sorry for us as parents. We have to navigate through so much crap. Like, how much time is too much? What is a good age for a child/teen to get a phone? Do they get to keep it with them all of the time? Striking a balance between the world we live in and the one we should is tough business–and everyone handles it DIFFERENTLY.
According to an article on NPR, children who have some sort of screen in their room {T.V., iPod, iPad, Smart Phone, etc.} get an average of 18 minutes less sleep than their screen-less peers. So, sleeping with access to the screen seems to equal less actual sleep. I have watched kids text each other while sitting right next to each other. I’ve watched teens driving down the road, heads down, flipping through their phone {I’ve watched grown adults do the same}. All of these distractions seem obviously detrimental, but how do we strike a balance?
What are YOUR rules on smart phones? Do you let the kids take them into their bedrooms at night? Do you restrict their use? Or, do you let it ride? No right answers, I am just kind of curious where we are headed?
~Mavis
lorig says
I have two teenagers, neither of them have a smart phone. We only have one cell phone in the house — my husbands and he needs it for work. We have a TV but I do not know where it is. I got tired of dusting it when it was never used so moved it into storage, it is in the store room somewhere. Our screen time downfall is the computer. We use them for work and for fun. However, we also make a point of reading and playing games (the old fashioned board game where we sit around and visit as we play). I think too many teens and adults have too many electronic distractions. As such, we try to offer our kids (and ourselves) other alternatives.
Beks says
I don’t have kids, but when I was raised, I used the family computer to do homework, and write (though, my dad did get me a used one they didn’t need at work anymore, which I used to write my stories after that. Good times). I bought my first TV for my room when I was 13, with money I’d saved from my paper route. I had that thing until college. I didn’t get my first cell phone until college, either. I didn’t even get a smart phone until I was 26. I remember being so jazzed when I was 19, just to have a phone (and it saved my butt a few times when I had car issues). My second phone was a flip phone with a camera. I thought it was the greatest thing ever. My cousin is 17, and she’s always glued to her phone. I kind of miss having verbal conversations with her.
Kathy says
My kids were raised like I was. Which is to say TV in bedroom is a luxury so if you want one, you pay for it yourself. Same thing with the smart phone. Even a basic cell they paid for, and neither had one until a junior in high school with part time job. Shoot, they had a cell phone before I did! They paid for own TV, computer and smart phone when they both were out of high school. No I would not have permitted it in room when they were younger but they are both over 21 now and are very responsible.
Pam says
My son had a bed, a desk and a dresser in his bedroom. He also had an entire wall of my office filled with books that could be taken in his room. He had access to my computer for school work and 2-3 hours on the weekend for web surfing. The only cell phone he carried was a “by the minute” old fashioned flip phone. He was involved in after school activities and needed the phone to call for his ride home. He had 1 hour of TV time through the week and 6 hours of TV time through the weekend. When he graduated high school in 2013, he could carry an intelligent conversation about current events (political, sports, entertainment, etc). He could converse about history, classic novels, historical figures. I got phone calls from teachers asking what we were doing at home to teach him so much. I told them the easiest thing was making the weekly trip to the public library a high point of the week. Some kids hung out at the mall – my kid went to the library and read books. He’s in the Army now – and owns a TV, computer, smart phone, etc. Says he uses them all when he has to but often forgets that he has them. We’re raising a generation of kids who seem to require entertainment of some sort or another from the time they wake up until the time they go to bed. Life doesn’t work that way.
Anita says
Sounds like you did an excellent job of raising your son Pam. Congrats and nice job! 🙂 And your last two sentences are so true. Very well said. Thank you.
Cecily says
My oldest will be sixteen this weekend and he has never even had a cell phone, let alone a smartphone. He has a computer that he uses for homework and to write fan fiction but he only has access to that after his chores are done. It automatically shuts off at 9 p.m. Once he gets his drivers license we will get him a basic cell phone for emergency use. I don’t want my kids plugged in all the time. When they say they are bored I tell them that they can either do extra chores or go get some “fresh air and scenery”.
Monica says
My kids, in their teens, have smart phones, tablets, ipads, etc. My preteen has a basic phone but will be upgraded when she hits the teen years this year (she also has an ipad and kindle). They also have t.v.’s in their rooms. We do not limit their time on any of it with the exception of when they need to go to bed and if we have having family time. T.V. goes off and cell phones are usually plugged in charging at bed time. Have they ever used their phones after it’s been bedtime, of course, but not on a consistent basis. I have never had a problem with them not doing their school work, chores, etc. because of the electronics.
Lisa says
My children are now adults, two barely, but still adults. They only recently got smart phones, only because it isn’t costing more. I don’t have a smart phone, no desire to have one. I do not believe children need any phone, let alone a smart one! When they reach an age they are left somewhere and will need to phone you, fine. My daughter got one at 11 when she started acting in community theater. Her brother was older than that.
I have never limited TV or computer time. One (19) has had a computer in his room for years. Maybe it’s because they were home schooled I didn’t care if they stayed up all night! The oldest got a computer in Kindergarten (no Internet then, the mid-80s) and is now a computer scientist and researcher at a large university on the east coast. I wonder if that would have happened if there had been restrictions to his access? Other kids might need different rules, but this worked for mine. I say, wait and see, not just ban or limit because some article says so.
I have told my co-workers (ages of my children) that they are “pathetic,” because they spend their breaks staring at their phones, laughing and showing each other what they read. That is what worries me more than a few minutes less sleeping. Put down the phones and learn the art of communication. That is what they are missing and it will hurt them later on.
Cecily says
Seems kinda harsh to tell a person they are pathetic for spending their personal break on their phone, laughing and sharing what they’ve read with their co-workers (isn’t that communication). Would you say that to a person who was reading a book on their break?
Mavis Butterfield says
I agree with you Cecily.
Tisha says
Well, I hope nobody rats me out, but when I was a kid, I would stay up way too late with a flashlight and a book. I admit, I still do it now. My kids can have a smart phone when they can pay for it but there are other distractions. Technology produces new challenges but I envy the amount of information that is easily available to my kids. I also find that their screen time just fuels their creativity. They tell me ways they would make a program better, or how it is the inspiration for a theme park they want to build, or can form the basis for their creative play time. They are required to have a one day sabbatical from computers and electronic games and it seems to be the right balance for us. I just wish I could convince the hubs of the benefits of a one day sabbatical as well.
Jules says
None of our kids have a cellphone, nor ipad. The family computer is shared in the front room, with homework having priority and then games or facebook. The older two – in their teens – got ipods for a birthday gift, and if they want to put anything on them, they get to pay for it. Once they start driving we might consider getting them a pay-by-the-minute cellphone to know where they are, if they arrived safe, etc. For now, they have plenty of friends, or the school phone, to use if they need to reach me during the day. As for TV time, we don’t have cable anymore, and don’t subscribe to anything, so if we watch a movie, it is usually from Redbox on the weekend when have a rare non-sports filled couple of hours.
BT says
My youngest granddaughter who is two years old picked up the LeapPad when she was twelve months old and started playing with it. She still does and can find and do anything she wants. She can take selfies of herself on the iphone when no one is looking. The ipad is another thing, she can set it up, turn it on and find all of her games. Her mom loaded up all of her favorite kid programs last fall when they went to Italy, which was great on the plane. It is amazing to watch her! Her mom has set limits, which is good, because she loves doing all different kinds of things. They go to the library, nature center, etc. She stays with me three days a week, and when the weather is good, she is outside playing or in the garden with me. I was concerned about it for awhile, but I am not now. When she gets ready for pre school, I think she will be ready. The children today are exposed to technology at an early age, so it’s no wonder. When my children were growing up, we did not have a TV in every room, they were outside every chance they could get. They had animals to feed, and chores to do. In the spring and summer, it was garden time and everybody did their part.
poppy says
Well I guess I’ll chime in with the younger kids. I have a 8, 5 and 3 year old and we live in the SF bay area-silcon valley. Computers/techies are everywhere. Heck both my husband and I work in tech support. We are lucky that the elementary school has ipads for all of the kids in my 8yo 2nd grade class and she does share my ipad to do reading assignments through RAZ kids that her teacher assigns(though not required) at home.
By the time they are in 6th grade they are encouraged (aka required 😉 ) to BYOD (bring your own device) to school. Having said that, at home I have implemented the rule for all 3 kids (even the 3 year old), they need to do their morning routine (basic getting ready, brushing teeth, etc) to earn 30 min of “screen time” for the weekend. While I myself am not big on smart devices it’s the age my kids are growing up in.
Each child has the opportunity to watch up to 2 1/2 hours of tv or play on my ipad or iphone on the weekend. But if they don’t complete all of their morning routine or I’ve taken time away as well then no screen time on the weekend. We don’t watch any TV or play on any devices during the week. I’ve seen my kids disconnect when playing a game or watching TV so I’ve had to limit the now “screen time”. I’m sure things will adjust as my kids get older and need to do work on what ever device is required. I like the idea Cecily said that their computer shut off at 9pm. I’m sure we’ll adjust and have limits as they grow but not hinder from learning.
I also try to set a good example, spend time outside, bake, craft, etc…so they can see there are plenty of things to do then be on a phone. Honestly my biggest issue is my husband and getting him to “disconnect” from his device. Any tips?? 😀
Ellen in Clackamas says
One of my Granddaughters has had a smart phone since she was 16. I spent the weekend in her room once and that thing was flashing on all night long with text messages. I finally made her turn it off because I couldn’t stay asleep. I also asked her to turn off when we were at a meal ….apparently not something her folks made her do. She is expecting a baby now so it will be interesting to see how much time she ends up spending looking at that screen! Life (and a newborn) may get in her way!
linda says
Friend of mine does no technology Wed. with her kids. Mine are grown, we did get rid of the TV when my youngest was 15 because he was coming out watching after we went to bed.
Wendy says
Mine are 18, 17, 13, and 11. They’ve had tvs in their rooms off and on through the years – hand me down old clunkers from various relatives. They worked for as long as they worked. I never really noticed a difference in their behaviour. We never had cable or satellite, so only a few channels, and now they’re just hooked up to dvd players. We also homeschooled until high school though, so sleeping in was always an option.
We’ve had at least two computers in our house constantly since before they were born, and sometimes six. They started using them from 3 or 4 years old, with no limits. They’ve learned to limit themselves. They’ve gone through phases, with a new game, or when they first joined facebook, when they wanted to be on 24/7, but after a couple of weeks they get back to normal. I’ve only ever limited their use if they were fighting with each other, or by #kids/#of computers/#hours in day.
We have two kindles, and kindle apps on all computers. I don’t even consider that screen time though.
Oldest and youngest have tablets from school. They do their homework. Not much else.
We got them a shared cell phone when the oldest turned 12. Whoever needed it the most got possession- no house phone. The first one was a simple flip phone. We upgraded them to a blackberry a few years later. Now it’s a smart phone. 17 year old has serious issues with texting ALL THE TIME. Drives me bonkers. I often walk over and take it away from him when I’m talking to him, because I know he’s not listening. The other three, not so much if at all. They do all like to play with it in the car, waiting at the dentist, etc. No phone allowed during meals or family time.
We have a Wii, and previous versions of nintendo in the past. They want an xbox or a playstation, but until they come out with mario for them, I won’t be buying. 😉 They do seem to get along better with multiplayer Wii games than computer games. Friendlier rivalry I think.
We live on a farm, in northern Ontario, so they’ve always had lots of chores through the summer, and lots of down time through the winter. They play sports, they’re Cadets, they ride horses, fish and hunt. I think as long as you set the example, and show them that there are lots of ways for them to entertain themselves, they’ll figure out their own balance.
Amanda says
Mine are all very small (my oldest is 7), but my husband and I are already trying to prevent ‘device addiction” with our kids. We have a shared tablet that the entire family uses, mostly for digital board games, educational apps, and reading Kindle books. We have a TV, but no cable, just Netflix and a dvd player. Kids can only use the TV after all schoolwork is done and bedrooms are cleaned each day. It really limits the amount of screen time! We have a big property complete with a playground and trampoline, so I spend as much time as possible sending them outside to play!