Throughout my years as a parent, I have heard all sorts of stories about kids being left alone at a young age. Some parents do it out of necessity; they have work schedules that don’t allow them to be home when their kids get off the bus, or they have to leave in the morning and let the kids get themselves ready. Some parents know their kids to be mature enough to handle it. Some allow their older kids to watch their younger kids. I’ve heard so many opinions on what age is “acceptable” for kids to be left on their own, and it is all over the map.
One father also made a decision to leave his kids alone, and wound up in trouble for it. Adrian Crook, a father of 5 kids, with the oldest kids ranging in age from 7-11 {from Vancouver, Canada}, has been teaching his kids how to ride the city bus to school for two years. It’s a 45-minute trip they have taken successfully hundreds of times. The bus driver knows them well and has always commended them on their behavior. Emails from passengers have also been sent, praising the kids for their maturity.
But one complaint derailed that and Crook has been ordered to stop sending his kids on the bus alone until they are all 10 years old.
An anonymous complaint made to the Ministry of Children and Family Development by a rider concerned about Crook’s kids riding the bus together without an adult. An investigation was launched and then the Ministry checked with their lawyers and the Attorney General, and it was determined that “children under 10 years old could not be unsupervised in or outside the home, for any amount of time. That included not just the bus, but even trips across the street to our corner store.”
What are your thoughts on the situation? Do you think their decision was the right one? Do you think it should be up to the parents? What age do you think is appropriate to leave kids alone?
~Mavis
Laura Z. says
I used to work in foster care, so i know first hand the unspeakable things some people will do to their own kids, so I can only imagine what a stranger might do. I would not allow my 7-11 year olds to take city transit, especially if they had younger ones in tow. Kids of that age don’t have good impulse control and aren’t mature enough to be appropriately suspicious of dangerous adults. What’s more, little ones are much more likely to dash in front of an oncoming car and/or not be seen by drivers of larger vehicles. If there were a 16 year old with them, i might be okay with it, but not at that young age…. seems foolish at best, and neglectful at worst.
I would let my middle schooler stay home alone as long as she had a phone, it’s during the day, and I know that neighbors are home if she needed them.
linda says
I totally agree. Today is different that when we were kids- I wandered all over town. I didn’t let mine do and now is even worse.
KCB says
Laura Z. is right. I agree w/everything she said.
Laura Z. says
Also, I am not a helicopter parent. We really try to teach our kids to be as independent as possible, to introduce them to all sorts of people from all sorts of backgrounds, etc. Public transit is a wonderful thing, but in larger cities, especially, many buses, trains, and their terminals have become the hangout of people who are mentally ill and drug addicted and desperate. I think that we have a duty as adults to protect our kids from some of those more unsavory and potentially violent situations until they are old enough to handle it.
Diana says
I think that parents know their children best, and each situation needs to be looked at independently. Some 10-year-olds should absolutely not be left home alone, while some 8-year-olds totally could! Plus in this situation it sounds like the bus driver and other fellow riders were doing a good job of keeping an eye out and stepping in. We have to teach our children some independence, or they are not going to be able to function! Sounds like this father did the right thing, rode with them, they practiced the routes, got to know the bus driver, did everything right. It boggles my mind that someone who didn’t know the situation at all had to jump in and parent someone else’s children. There is obviously a difference between your kid being locked out of the house for 8 hours with no food and water while parents are at work, and the child having a key at being alone for an hour after school before parents get home from work. When we make these hard and fast rules ‘no child under 10 can be left alone for any period of time’ we set up good people, trying to do their best, to fail. It’s so hard to be a parent already and keep up with everything you’re tasked with. These well-intended rules just make it harder on people.
Katrina says
I totally agree! I was a latch key kid and I was fine. I also lived in Asia and Europe and kids ride public transportation in kindergarten alone! YOU know your kids best. YOU know what it takes to prep them for the responsibility. BUTT OUT, folks. I was in foster care and I had to work with the agency for an after school plan for each of my kids. They understood. In upper elementary they understood the need for latchkey type situations and they understood that the kids are all different. I had a 7 year old who walked home by himself one day because the daycare forgot to pick him up and he was fine (I was furious, but that’s another story)!
Heidi says
I agree with Diana that a lot of it depends on the maturity of the child. I had one I felt I could leave for 1/2 hour or so at 10 and one that was not ready at that age. I think that cell phones have made it easier because the child can always get a hold of the parent these days. In the past, they were really on their own.
Katie says
I live in the D.C. area. Kids use the metro rail & bus system to get to school daily, sometimes with multiple transfers. These kids are surrounded adults who are looking out for them, and they are strangers like me. The kids, even young ones, are capable of navigating the system. I used to ride city buses in Tacoma by myself or with friends starting at age 8. Statistics show that crime against kids has gone down, and the real danger comes more from adults who “groom” kids. The trusted coach or family member who knows family vulnerabilities. Lenore Skanazy of the free-range movement has a lot of data to back this up.
Overall, I think our fears have left us sheltering our kids too much. When I was a kid in elementary school in the 70’s, you walked to and from school by yourself. Now, at my kids school, they have to be in fourth grade before they are dismissed freely. Prior to that grade, the teacher has to dismiss students directly into the care of another adult. In 2nd grade, many parents I know started letting their kids walk the few blocks to school alone, but weren’t allowed to let them do the reverse trip.
Finally, I think this has long-term consequences. How many people complain about millennials not launching into full adulthood? The skills and abilities you need to do that (judgement, risk assessment, personal responsibility, etc., etc.) start much younger, with things like practicing how to safely cross the street.
Barb says
I’m mainly with you on this. My kids were raised in DC (Actually in the Ballston area of Arlington). As I recall, the first time my son actually rode downtown was the first year of middle school. He led the way and I followed for two or three times. Most of the time I think this is a semi urban versus outer suburb attitude, to tell the truth. My kids also walked to and from school, and too and from the library (about 3/4 of amile) somewhere around ten or eleven. And because we walked everywhere and my daughter was not a hand holder, we also had a wrist walker (which people from the real suburbs apparently considered child abuse, ya know?
My issue, though, if I understand this article correctly, is making the ten year old responsible for other siblings. I would not be comfortable with that for a variety of reasons. Not the least of which is the fact that I well remember being the oldest of four and left in care of the youngsters, and being completely ignored “You can’t go out of the yard, mom said”, “Well, you’re not mom and I’m going anyway”. So I can see a younger child ignoring the guidance of an older child and creating an at least confusing and possibly dangerous situation.
Stephanie says
You speak my mind, lady! I tell my kids all the time that the strangers they have to be most afraid of they already know. There’s no excuse for criminalizing parents who are just trying to raise good kids.
I often hear folks my age complaining that their interns can’t think for themselves. They have to be told each step of what to do, and they think that just because they asked to go home and someone told them it was fine (because telling them no would be holding them hostage) that they are somehow excluded from any consequences of having left work. I keep telling these folks that kids have grown up under the direct supervision of others their whole lives. They’ve had to ask permission to urinate from the age of 2 to 18. They spent their always being told what to do next and never getting the opportunity to learn how to manage anything on their own.
As a parent, I’d like to not be that way. I’d like to let my kids roam a little bit, but I’d also like to keep my kids. I’ve had an officer stop at my house on a call of “unattended children” when my kids were playing in THEIR OWN front yard, on a quiet cul-de-sac, in a wealthy suburb while I was making dinner. I had the front door open and checked on them about every 2 minutes. During one check, there was an officer walking up my drive. Lesson learned. Now I don’t leave my kids to their own devices either…
Diana says
Stephanie this is pretty much my nightmare! Kids playing on their own in their own yard being checked on periodically and someone had the gall to call the cops!?!? I would much rather children be outside playing in the fresh air in their own yard with minimal supervision from their parent, than inside, playing video games while I’m cooking dinner. We keep an eye out on our neighbors kids all the time, it’s what you do for each other. I don’t call the cops when I see the neighbor girl riding her scooter up and down the street, but I do keep a closer eye out for speeding cars!
Marcia says
But then you have the story of Leiby Kletzky, who was murdered the first day he was allowed to walk home from school alone.
Of course parents want their kids to be safe.
Jennifer says
I don’t agree. My eldest was left at home alone all day during the summer beginning at nine, which is when I picked up a full-time job. I checked on her at lunch, she had my office number. She began babysitting her sisters that year, as well, although the sisters had daycare for the day. She began as a paid babysitter for others at age 12.
My kids walk home from school daily, this year, the school is nearly two miles away. There are very busy streets, often without a crossing guard, as the local pd has determined that a crosswalk, walk signal, and light are sufficient for 5th grade and up. There is no bus if you live closer than two miles. Our neighborhood kids play outside and we (all the parents) have only a general idea of where they are (in a friend’s house, at the park, at one of the older neighbors’ homes, or riding bikes through the neighborhood). This has been going on since we moved here when my youngest was in second grade. They build forts, climb trees, and explore drainage ditches without supervision. We’ve begun teaching all of the younglings in the neighborhood how to use a scroll saw and drill press…although, only one or two might be ready for the tablesaw. Our own know car maintenance…the youngest started changing oil at age 8 (although, none can drive…only one could legally, anyway). They know not to go in the pool without supervision, although the first few years, a couple “fell in” accidentally on purpose…and they learned why we don’t swim while wearing coats in November. They (neighborhood kids) tell on each other if one is doing something dangerous, or if there is a stranger creeping around.
We take them (all of them…one dad, multiple kids, only a few are ours) camping…it’s a dad/kid program, although they usually turn a blind eye to me filling in when dad is unavailable. The kids are usually up before the dads and gone until dark. The dads watch the ballgame, nap, or read. If a kid gets lost (always my kid…always) another of the 300 dads will generally point them the right way…sometimes they are miles away from their own tent, other times only around the corner. We joined this program when the eldest was 6…we’ve been successfully losing and locating our children for more than 13 years, now.
We are raising our daughters to be independent, self sufficient, and strong, and it sounds as though this dad is trying, too. The bus driver knew them, he’d recognize a problem. They were fine. Our biggest fear was not a child molester or accident, but an overly helpful busy body thinking they knew my child better than me. I am thankful my youngest is now well past 10 and I am thankful she’s been allowed to develop her critical thinking and evaluation skills through taking minor risks.
Victoria says
It depends so much on the kid! I grew up in Chicago, and I was ready to travel the city on my own very young. I walked across the street to kindergarten by my self, though there was a crossing guard. My older sister, on the other hand, was just not sensible and took much longer to feel comfortable.
As a Gen Xer, I’m flabbergasted by all the hovering over everyone these days. What ever happened to latch key kids? I was so proud when I got my key to the house.
Julie says
While a lot depends on the kids and the environment they’re in, I think most kids are capable of doing more by themselves than we allow them to do. One key is to walk them through the process a few times, gradually allowing them to do more of it by themselves.
I remember telling a neighbor how I would give my then 8-year-old a couple items and some money at the grocery store and just stand behind him while he bought them. The other parent seemed shocked that I would even try to do this and proclaimed that her 12-year-old would never be able to. Really?
Mable says
I think there is a difference between a ten year old staying home alone, with a parent to call and a neighbor who offers a place to run to if there is a fire or something, and a ten year old wandering around places (like bus stops) where even adults feel at risk.
Michele says
It really comes down to the loss of our ‘village’ community doesn’t it? We aren’t supposed to raise our kids in isolation, without a support network of adults and even older kids—but yet we try and it isn’t helpful for parents or kids.
It sounds like there were people looking out for the kids as they learned how to look out for themselves. Clearly, the parent wasn’t being neglectful or abusive, rather they were doing what they needed to in order to sustain themselves. I imagine we would be having a very different conversation if that parent stayed home to take the kids to school, but was recieving public assistance.
Marcia says
I think it really depends a lot on the kid. And where you live. And the situation.
On one hand “we know more now than we used to”. Meaning, there are people whose job it is to study children and development. Things we know now, that we didn’t 30 years ago:
– The typical child cannot safely cross a busy street until the average age of 10. That means *some* kids can, *most* cannot. And I believe age 12 is when nearly all kids can.
– The frontal lobe is not fully developed until age 25. This means that many teens/ young adults are not capable of making good decisions (i.e., they do dumb things) before then. Dumb may be “spending all their hard earned money eating out” and may be “drinking too much” or “jumping off a cliff”.
On the other hand – my husband walked 0.5 mile to school in kindergarten. By himself. At age 5. (4x a day, because he walked home for lunch). I cannot imagine my 5 year old making it to school. For one thing, people drive badly. For another, he doesn’t always pay attention when he tries to cross the street.
Kathy says
I have to come down on it is better to be safe than sorry. Unfortunately, today’s children do not experience as much freedom as past generations due to crime. As far as public transportation goes, I live in BART land (SF Bay Area), and due to assaults and robberies in broad daylight, and the lack of interest in catching and prosecuting the criminals, I no longer ride on BART, and I am over 50.
Vania says
That’s the sad truth: we want our kids to ride public transportation, make decisions, be independent. However, we
can’t afford it because of crime and violence, so we hover…
Cheri says
The blabbermouth should have kept his concerns to himself unless the kids were causing trouble. I do think there should be a law about children under 10 staying home alone, because there is too much room for abuse and neglect against children who have barely attained the age of reason. In this case, though, the 11-year-old seems competent enough to head the group until they got to the bus, and the father had clearly trained the kids carefully. No harm was being done. Besides, I personally don’t think it’s any more dangerous now as it was in the ’80s. I used to ride the city bus downtown to ballet class, and that began when I was in 4th or 5th grade. On days I didn’t have ballet, I was a latchkey kid and had to ride the bus the other way and walk a few blocks. Going downtown I had to transfer once and later twice and navigate busy intersections and “weird” people, one of whom tried to proselytize me into the Baha’i faith.
Looking back, I think I was in just as much danger then as I would be as a child today, but I learned how to take care of myself–and without a cell phone as a backup. Do I think it was a good idea for my parents to let me do that? Probably not, but in all honesty, I was always in public places with lots of people around and not much opportunity to be kidnapped. I’m on the fence with that one, but at least it was up to my parents–not other people.
D zavodsky says
I would never allow that. Sorry. Summer going into 6th grade I let kid stay home for summer. Got him a tarck phone. We live in very rural area. Ride school bus from school alone in 6th grade. He got off, called me and then started taking care of animals and homework until dad was home an hour later. I was still footing the daycare bill for summers and after school until that point.
Amy says
This is a subject I think about a lot. I have a daugher who is about to turn eight, and she’s quite risk-averse. Whenever I have to make a quick trip to the post office – about seven miles roundtrip – I think I could just leave her home. But it’s the fear of something going very wrong just this once – as well as of someone reporting me – that keeps me from doing so, just yet…
Similarly, I work part-time because my husband and I don’t want to pay for aftercare, and I’m able to be home in time to meet her school bus. We often talk about when we’ll feel comfortable letting her take the bus home and stay on her own for a couple of hours, so I can work full-time.
Jennifer says
It doesn’t matter how independent/brave/smart the kid is. It only takes one predator to negate all of that.
Elaine says
If those kids were well behaved, clean, healthy looking, etc…then no one should have gotten involved. As a single parent there were times I had to leave my 8yr old home alone for short periods of time; he knew every important number by heart (not speed dial!) And I was probably more petrified the entire time then he was! If anyone had ever reported me because I had to go to pharmacy for medicine for him, or run to get milk, etc… I would have been devastated. Sometimes peoples circumstances are beyond what anyone else knows or can see and responsible parents will teach their children what they need to be capable of. That is family business. My now 11yr old is looking to get a job next summer…I’d say leaving him alone now and then and teaching him to be responsible has paid off.
Alison R says
I took a quick look at several US states and they all said 12 was the age at which the state would not intervene if children were left home alone.
I do think it depends on the kid though.
Ours are 9 1/2, 6 and 2 1/2 and the oldest will be in no way ready to stay home by himself at 10.
Cass says
Another case of governmental over-reach. IF the children were not able to do it in each other’s company then the government has a case….but they were NOT traveling alone…they were in a group.
10 is a random number. Totally random. Some 10 year olds are able to follow all the rules to keep safe….some 16 year olds can’t be left alone for longer than an hour without finding themselves in some “situation”. It is totally dependent on the child, the area they live in, the proximity of support services (a neighbor, let’s say), inherent dangers and how long they are going to be alone. I work with adult males that are in their 40’s that can’t be left alone for 5 minutes and have a nephew that watched his 3 siblings after school for 1.5 hours at age 12.
Dana says
We are much more watchful of our kids, yet the world is a much safer place now than it was 30 years ago when I, and millions of other kids my age, took the subway to school alone starting at age 9.
Street smarts help kids immeasurably throughout life, and sheltered kids don’t get the street smart education and skills.
Still, if you feel your child is not mature enough to handle a rough situation, or is too impulsive, by all means, stay on top of them. Better safe than sorry, after all.
Practical Parsimony says
At the age of four, I was sent to the grocery store for two items. I went around two corners of our block. Some days, I was so frightened, but I wanted to do it. At 10 I and my siblings–9, 6 and 3-were dropped off in front of the Krystals in Jackson, MS with one dollar apiece. We ate hamburgers and then walked across the side street to a movie. I held the hand of the 3-yr-old and the 9-and 7-yr-olds held hands and stayed right behind me. we each paid for our own hamburgers and movie tickets. Nothing ever happened to us. I was very dependable, so my mother trusted me. This was in 1956.
Colleen says
Crime today is not worse then it was decades ago. In fact, it is less, at least here in Europe. BUT parents are more afraid now than they were then. I do not think it is good for the kids not to experience the independence to be allowed to ga anywhere alone. Here, Children are allowed to walk home from Kindergarden at the age of five years if the parents allow it and it is very common for first-graders to walk to school, even if there are bigger streets to cross.