Let’s say you hear a toddler crying all morning next door. And knowing the parents {somewhat} you think, “Wow, that little kiddo is having a tough morning.” And then noontime rolls around and you are still hearing intermittent sobs {and garbled words} from next door. Kind of like when a little one want’s something… or isn’t getting their way for an awfully long time.
Hmmm. This kid is really having a bad day.
Maybe they are potty training?
Maybe the kids teething?
Maybe one of the parents is having a really tough day and just letting their kid cry it out.
And then about 30 minutes later you notice a teenager glued to their cell phone pushing the child {who you now remember is about 18 months old} down the street in its Little Tykes Cozy Coupe.
Ahhh. A babysitter.
Maybe a new one.
20 minutes go by and the teenage babysitter is pushing the cozy coupe back to the neighbor’s house, while vaping.
Awesome.
Now I was a babysitter when I was a teen, and while I’m sure I wasn’t the perfect babysitter, I used to do everything in my power to be a great one. I’d tidy the house, I’d play games with the kids, and I certainly wouldn’t do anything like smoking on the job. Even immature, teenage me went out of my way to be mature, responsible me whenever I babysat. I took my job seriously and never once had to care for a child who sobbed half the day away. And maybe that’s not the norm for teenage babysitters anymore? I don’t know. But I do know if I was that baby’s parents, I’d want to know that my child had been sobbing ALL MORNING LONG.
Do you say something to the neighbor you kinda sorta know but not really? Do you say something like “Hey, I know this is totally none of my business, and I’m probably over stepping here {my husband totally thinks I am} but your child was screaming the better part of the day yesterday and your babysitter was vaping while pushing your child in it’s cozy coupe around the neighborhood. I just thought you’d like to know. And again, I don’t want to be judgmental here but if it was me, I’d want to know.”
Or do you say nothing?
Or do you maybe say something like “Hey, this probably sounds really weird but if you ever need a babysitter, your kids are totally welcome over at our house, or I can come over to yours.” And totally leave the part about the babysitter out altogether?
Or do you say nothing at all?
Just mind yo bizness? {Which is exactly what my husband thinks I should do}.
I don’t know. Maybe I expect more out of a babysitter. Maybe I expect them to 1. Entertain my kid the entire time they are there {and getting paid} and 2. Not to “smoke” around them.
But then again, I’ve NEVER once, hired a teen to babysit my kids. {My parents, family friends or neighbors with kids similar in age} watched our kids on the very rare occasions we needed a sitter.
Now I can totally sympathize with a whiny toddler. I really can. But this is a kid who I’ve never heard a peep out of until yesterday. Do you think it’s possible that sweet toddler just hates babysitters in general? Is it normal for a child to cry that incessantly for that long because their parents aren’t there?
I am not a nosy neighbor. I don’t like to butt into other people’s business at all. To each his own. But when a child is involved, it changes things. If you were the parent of that child, would you want to know? Would you think I was the neighborhood busybody for saying something? Do you agree with my husband and think I should keep my mouth shut? Would you say something if you were me?
I really would appreciate your advice.
~Mavis
ps. Please know I’m seriously NOT judging those parents one smidge. Hiring a babysitter is a normal thing a bazillion parents do every day!
pps. I know the jury is out on vaping and many people/doctors believe it’s much better than smoking and many people/doctors are saying it’s equally as harmful or worse. Let’s save that discussion for another day and focus on the situation at hand: Mavis needing your advice!
UPDATE – I just went and talked to mom and she was VERY glad that I did. Thanks everyone for chiming in. And I agree. It’s better to have someone think you are a nosy neighbor {which she did not at all} than to wish you had said something but didn’t because you were embarrassed to poke your nose in someone else’s business.
Linda says
As a retired teacher, I know individuals in Michigan are required to report suspected abuse or neglect. I think letting the parents know would be a step in this direction. They can decide if there was neglect or not.
Jennifer says
Definitely tell the parents! This is exactly why I’ve never left my son with a babysitter. Not once in 4.5 years. I have thought about it, but would make them turn their phone over to me first!
Lacy says
Exactly this! My little girl is only 13 months but she’s only been watched once by my ten year old neighbor for a garage sale and I was here.
Lacy says
As a first time Mom of a 13 month old, I would be beyond furious if this is how my babysitter was acting if her job was to watch my precious baby girl. Please, please tell the parents and if they think you are over stepping your boundaries, then so be it. But at least you will have a clean conscience knowing you spoke up and said something should something happen to that baby in the sitters care.
Heather says
As a parent of three young children, my neighbor better tell me if I have a crap babysitter. I think it really just comes down to the child’s safety. If they aren’t mature enough to pay attenton to the child then an accident can happen due to the neglect. I use a teenage babysitter and she is awesome! I also know the parents an for I do interviewing and a trial period.
Brenda says
Absolutely tell the parents the child was crying all morning and the only time they stopped was when you saw them taking the kid out for a stroll. I don’t like leaving my kids with anyone, sometimes not family, but when I do those individuals have proven that they can handle my kids and make sure they are comfortable around them. I don’t want someone that is going to give them whatever they want. Some tears might happen, but hours of crying is never ok.
UpstateNYer says
See something? SAY Something ! No child needs to be in distress.
Either the babysitter can not handle the job at hand or the child is ill. Say something polite but helpful to the parent. It will benefit them both.
jane says
mind your own business.
Jessica says
… this is how children become victims of abuse… because no one tries to help them… It is VERY likely that the child is pissed off that mom left and the teenage babysitter just put earbuds in and ignored the kid.. BUT what if it IS more… and the only person that can offer insight and answers to help the child is the neighbor who notices that things were OUT OF THE ORDINARY.. This is not a judgement call.. she is not talking about calling Child welfare.. she is considering informing the mom that the child was NOT having a good day… and that the attentive nature of the babysitter was minimal at best.. At that point it becomes the moms responsibility to do for her child…
so yes
SAY SOMETHING… mention the childs ongoing crying and distress.. and that once out on a walk did finally calm down.. and that the sitter was vaping.. this might be fine by the mom and of no issue.. but it is off Mavis conscience!
Nancy D says
Heehee …. I was reading these comments out loud and my hubby thinks you’re possibly the babysitter! 😉
Katie says
As a mom of a toddler and a baby, I would absolutely want to know! Especially if you knew that that was not normal behavior for my kids. I was not a teen babysitter in the age of smart phones, but like you I would do my best to be the best babysitter I could be. And only after the baby/kid had gone to sleep would I think about doing something to entertain myself. I’ll admit, even when watching my kids I can sometimes be found browsing Facebook or playing a game. But I certainly don’t ignore my children and let them cry. TKhe vaping would probably be what angered me the most. So not OK.
Karen N says
Definitely let the parents know what you witnessed – they can choose what to do with the information.
Julie says
Please tell the parents. I’d totally want to know. You could even mail them a letter an anonymous letter, if you feel uncomfortable. I know it wouldn’t be completely anonymous since you could hear the kid crying. But I really think the parents need to know that the babysitter they hired isn’t doing the job they are paying them for.
Lena says
My son screamed for hours with a sitter once around that age. The sitter told me and I knew already, but appreciated a neighbor telling me anyway.
As for vaping, personally I’m not okay with a hired baby sitter doing it while watch my son and I’d want to know.
I think the simple “it’s none of my business really but as a parent I would have wanted to know in case you aren’t okay with it…” is perfect.
Erica says
We don’t have family around, so we use babysitters a lot. My policy is keep the kids alive and happy. I try not to be too picky about cleaning the house, etc, because I’d rather have them focused on my kids. I’m not a super helicopter-y parent about leaving my kids, is what I’m trying to say, but I would definitely want to know if my toddler was crying all morning.
Marcia says
Definitely tell them. And your paragraph on how you would say it sounds perfect to me.
So, I hired a teenaged babysitter once. She was really sweet, and tried hard. My younger son was 18 months old, and we hadn’t had a date night in forever. So it was his *first* experience with a babysitter and HER first babysitting job (she was a friend’s daughter).
We got home at 11 pm from the company Christmas party. He was sitting up on the changing table, fresh diaper on backwards (she was trying to do bedtime routine). He was crying. Loudly. Hubby gave her a ride home I think (or maybe she drove?) Big kid (who was 7), said “he cried the entire time you were gone”.
So, #1, having a new sitter at 18 months and crying lots? Sounds like it could be normal.
#2, having a teenaged babysitter not be great at it? Totally normal too.
The vaping? Oh hell no.
(We had another company holiday party the next week, hired a 32 year old babysitter. Got home that night, both kids were asleep in bed already, by 10 pm. You’re hired!! Sadly, she’s so great that she’s often booked.)
Susie says
Yes definitely tell the parents. What they do with the information is up to them. If you’re not especially close with them, then who care if they’re offended?
Abbey says
Yes, tell the parents. I recently had a similar situation with the sitter I had for my children and I am so glad my neighbors let me know what they were seeing. It takes a village, right?
debbie in alaska says
Whether it was my kid or my dog, I would want to know if either one was crying all day long and the sitter wasn’t on the up and up. If the neighbor clearly indicates it’s none of your business, then you did your part and you can keep your mouth shut moving forward without guilt. But I like knowing that my neighbors and I look out for each other.
Victoria says
Please do have a conversation with your neighbor. Always assume good intentions, so maybe just enquire how little one is doing, “Sounds like it was a rough day yesterday…” Ask if it’s a new babysitter, “How did you find this sitter…?”
It’s delicate, but we have to look out for each other.
Diana says
Totally agree with Victoria.
Susan S says
Yes – agree with Victoria.
Sarah H says
I would say something. Wouldn’t you feel awful if later something happened and you hadn’t said anything?
Angela Lawrence says
Mavis. Go with your instincts. Rather be proved wrong than do nothing and be proved right if you see what I mean.
Go have a word.
Warm regards
Angie
Isle of Man
Martha says
Tell the parents.. Just what you wrote. We had foster kids who told me their sitter used to shut them in a closet and threaten them. Not sayin’ that is what is happening, but better safe than sorry.
Teresa says
If someone had a concern regarding my kids when they were in another’s care, I would want to know. Tactfully tell the parents.
Kara W says
I think that you should day something. Acknowledge that it’s really nine of your business, and don’t tell them that you’re not judging. It sounds like you’re secretly judging.
But if it’s out if character for the little guy, mom and dad need to know. Also, the gaping I’d unprofessional and unacceptable.
Go in with a plate of nutella cookies.
Kara W says
None of your business and vaping. Stupid autocorrect.
Emily B. says
ABSOLUTELY say something. First I’d acknowledge that you were on the fence about whether to say something or not, but decided to err on the side of caution and will happily butt out if they’re aware and okay with it.
Too many people put there hands up and say it’s not business. This is a child, and while it could be that the kiddo was having a rough time that day, it’s never a bad idea to make sure they are okay.
I stopped into a gas station on a road trip last summer, and had to wait in line to use the one room facility. I heard blood curdling screams from a baby inside and a woman’s voice speaking harshly. I went to the cashier, asked them to have the police called. I then went back to the bathroom door, and knocked until the woman opened the door. I explained I was concerned. She tried to close the door on me saying the baby was throwing a fit. I politely said I was going to keep the door open until the police came to make sure the kid was okay. The baby stopped crying, the cops came, looked the baby over and said she appeared to be in good shape.
I don’t regret doing it for a second. I’ve never done something like that before, and surprised myself that I did it. I just know that it would have bothered me if I would have said…not my business. I work in the court system and see what horrific things are done to children over and over until someone steps in and says something.
Certainly, your situation isn’t as extreme. But if you’re asking yourself whether you should do something, it sounds like your gut is already telling you to.
Good Luck
Judy Bee says
I would TOTALLY want to know. As a parent the upset would be that you didn’t tell me. Especially since this is not the child’s pattern.
Gail Golden says
Yes, I would talk to the neighbor. I would want to know. Where it goes from there, who knows, but at least you did your part for the sake of the child. Hope it turns out well.
Blessings and I love your blog!
GG
Karin says
You should speak up. I would certainly want to know. I would just mention that you heard the child crying most of the morning and you thought it was unusual for her. I would keep the initial comment casual. (Maybe the child had trouble adjusting to the new sitter and the parents are aware of it.) I wouldn’t necessarily mention the vaping unless the parents express concern and question you for more details. To your husband I ask; wouldn’t you want to know if there was a possibility that your child was being neglected or abused? How would you feel if something happened to your child and neighbors heard warning signs and didn’t speak up?
Sherri says
I probably would have gone over to check on things, if nothing else to lend the mom some moral support. I guess I’d be wondering if mom had an aneurysm and was laying helpless on the floor. In this scenario it would have let the babysitter know someone was paying attention and maybe her inexperience meant she needed help dealing with the toddler. I would surely tell the parents. I can’t imagine most parents would be happy about their precious little one in this situation.
Diana says
That was my first thought! What happened to the parents!?
Miriam says
You can’t just say, “Your kids can come over anytime.” That will go over the head of most people. You need to be honest.
Let’s put it this way; if YOUR kids were around a vaping, nose-in-phone babysitter and crying all day, would YOU want to know? Yes, you would. Therefore, you should tell the parents. The worst that can happen is that they are aware of the situation, thank you for your concern and do nothing about it. The best that can happen is that they thank you profusely and then never hire that teen again. The ‘bad stuff’ really isn’t going to bite you, but the ‘good stuff’ can make a huge difference for the family.
Cindy says
I would totally want to know. The vaping thing isnt the real issue here, unless it was in close proximity to the child. The real issue is the contant distress of the normally quiet child. If they get defensive or anything then you did your part unless you see signs of abuse later on. I would say something to the effect of, “I sorry if this is out of line but as I was in my yard yesterday I noticed that your baby was unusually upset for quite a long time. I could not help but hear and I thought it was rather unusual since I rarely hear a peep. I was thinking of offering assistance when I noticed there was a sitter and thought better of it. Please let me know if I can help in any way.”
Jessica says
^^^ Yes..
Cheri says
I am choosing not to read the comments before I give my opinion, so this is totally my own idea, but YES, I think you definitely, absolutely should tell the parents. If it was mine, I’d want to know, and there is no other way for me to find out outside of a nanny cam. This child sounds like it may be neglected, and the vaping would bother me a lot. Absolutely.
Lindsay says
Having 4 young children a husband who works out of town, and not living in the same town as my family I count on my neighbours to be there if I need them. I dont know any of them well however they have been there when I have needed them 🙂 I would want to know…. just knowing you care about the welfare of my child would be reassuring, especially to a working parent. Knowing you care and are another set of eyes and ears on my child in this day and age would help ease my mind. 🙂
Suzanne says
I would absolutely say something. I would want to know if my care provider was unfit. Love your neighbor as yourself… I think you would want to know if you were in her shoes. Parenting and babysitting can be hard and maybe there was something going on with the child. However the parents have a right to know if their care provider was incapable.
Diana says
I would totally tell them. There are kids at my wonderful daycare who cry all day long when there is a new teacher or the child is in their first week, so I don’t think the crying is that out of the ordinary, but I would be really upset if I found out that my babysitter was vaping around my kids. We’ve told our neighbors in the past when we saw their kids getting out of a strange car when we knew both parents were still at work. Turned out they had accepted a ride from a STRANGER in the neighborhood and then lied to their parents about it. The kids came over and apologized for putting us in the position they did and we have an understanding with the family now that we all watch out for each other’s kids (and pets!). It makes me feel better for when my kids get school age!
Catherine says
Yes, tell them! I wouldn’t offer to babysit, since that could come off as creepy and then they might not trust what you’re saying about the babysitter. Maybe just – “Hey, I heard the kiddo crying a LOT and just wanted to make sure everything was ok.” If they want to continue the conversation, you can mention the vaping and/or offer assistance. It might be completely normal separation anxiety, but it’s still something a parent is going to want to monitor.
Vaping, however it compares to cigarettes, is still worse than no smoking of any kind. If this is a habit, there’s a chance the kid is upset not because of the babysitter’s behavior, but because the chemicals clinging to him/her are irritating/allergy-inducing and he’s too young to process why he doesn’t feel good. I’m horribly allergic to something in cigarettes and when I was tiny used to just cry and cry around certain relatives. My parents couldn’t tell the sniffles from crying from sniffles due to allergies so it took many years to sort out that it was only the smokers that set me off. =/
Mary says
You should say something, just the way you described. However, if the child isn’t used to being babysat, it could be perfectly normal for the child to cry for hours. Some kids also just go through fussy stages, like you said–or they might be sick, teething, have an injury, have slept poorly, whatever.
My own daughter had extreme colic and would scream-cry endlessly for 12 hours straight, day after day, month after month until she was over a year old. She had every test possible, saw different doctors, even got a full-body ultrasound at the hospital. Nope, she was perfectly healthy, just had colic. But I remember sometimes people used to follow me around stores to “watch” me with her, and sometimes people used to come up to me in public and question me. Luckily my daughter grew out of it.
DiAnn Cardona says
I would mention it to the parents.
Rosaleen says
I, too, am surprised you didn’t check to see if something was wrong. Moving on, though, you might let the neighbor know the child cried for hours and offer to go check should this happen again. Also, offer to the mother the sitter might check with you if she thinks she needs help. Ask if she has a policy about smoking/vaping around her children. If the sitter is a smoker, at some point she will need her fix. Inside would not be OK with me and I wouldn’t like the sitter vaping around the kids, but outdoors isn’t unreasonable once the fact that the device is used is understood. My kids had asthma and I about pulled a nutty when a former neighbor smoked in my car with my kids in the back. She felt opening the window was enough. It is NOT!
Lisa MTB says
Yes. You’re a reasonable person. If the baby is crying all day and the sitter seems to be negligent, definitely let the parent(s) know. The baby can’t.
Lynda says
Please say something. Since you don’t normally hear this next door, I think the parent(s) would want to know. You’re perceptive and diplomatic, and I highly doubt you would come across as meddling or judgmental.
And for me, a teenage vaping while babysitting my kids would be a deal breaker too.
Rita says
I think you should say something.
Michelle says
I’m so glad you said something. Little kids don’t usually cry half the day away and I would be very concerned that the babysitter was absolutely not taking care of the child or being mean. ☹️
Lee says
I would definitely say something to the mother. She will understand coming from another mother, and I would forgo her opinions about me to ensure that the child was OK.
Deborah says
The parents should know what the baby sitter is doing or not doing. What the baby sitter did, to me, is borderline child abuse. The vaping! The child whining is one thing, but if the child was screaming . . . I don’t know.
You did the right thing in my opinion. I baby sat as a young teen and hated it when the child cried and I couldn’t do anything to help. I’m now a grandma and great grand ma.
Richelle says
I’d also record/film it and note the times (crying heard from 8:35 a.m. to 1:15 p.m.).
Rebekah U says
YES! Please say something! The mother is paying a babysitter for personal care and attention. If the baby is crying all day, that baby has unmet needs. Bake some cookies, be humble, and know that the mom (or the babysitter) might blow up at you, but please speak up for the baby – who cannot do it for himself!
Cherilyn says
You just never can be certain what happens when you leave your child with someone, especially when they are at an age when they can’t speak for themselves.
I would like to suggest to all the moms and dads out there to invest in a nanny cam or two. Not everyone has a caring neighbor like Mavis who’ll alert you to a possible problem.
Ellen in Clackamas says
I’m coming in at the end of the discussion and am glad you did say somethng. But I do have a story of a screaming/crying child. My friend had a little boy who was four and mine was three. They had played together many times and had gotten along…but that little boy had never had anyone watch him except his parents and grands. One day my friend needed to run an errand and I was the only one available so she dropped him off. He was fine—for 2 seconds untill he saw her car leave and then the screaming, wailing, crying started and nothing I did could console him. So for the better part of three hours we all had to indure it…and my elderly neighbor did come over to see if she could help and make sure I wasnt really killing him). He was fine once Mom was back but we were all exhausted! But you never know—I would rather ask than find out something bad had happened.
Arbie Goodfellow says
Tell them what you heard and saw.
You will never regret following your heart and you may wind up saving a child from abuse… or just an unconcerned baby sitter!
Stacie says
I’m so glad you said something. You can never be too sure what’s going on, but better safe than sorry anytime regarding children or adults even.
Em says
I would want to know.
I have told my neighbors with kids to make my cell phone number available to their sitters, in case they need quick help with anything. I can not necessarily sit with the kids all the time, but am often home working.
Thanks for caring, Mavis!
Toni says
It looks like you already decided to let the parents know – good for you!
Linds says
I am glad you said something.
Lace Faerie says
Absolutely, people should speak up, voice your concern. In a caring, nonjudgmental way. Mom needs to know unusual occurrences in her absence sense.
That being said, I have to acknowledge the wonderful apartment neighbors we had when our oldest reached 2-1/2. Stubborn, willful and very loud during temper tantrums and in voicing her frustrations. One evening, she screamed for three hours before she dosed off only to wake up 10 minutes later, realize she fell asleep then really scream in frustration. That continued for another three hours. I could only hope back then that the neighbors being in their 80’s couldn’t hear her at full volume!! Oh, and that stubborn stick to it-ness has served her well in school, sports, college and corporate life!
Sanu says
I would go offer some help. That is my nature. That is what I would do. But you should do what you feel right. No harm in offering some help some day.
Sandy says
You have to ask? If this were your child would you want to know? If the answer is yes, then you must let the parents know what transpired that you saw or heard. Maybe the baby was crying because he was being abused. Do you want to be a party to that possibility? Or worse?
Susan says
Absolutely, say something. If the parents don’t want to hear it or tell you to mind your own business, so be it. You will sleep well. See something, say something.
Tammy says
Personally, if someone is in the position of possibly being hurt, I always question or inform. Not to be nosy, and not in a spirit of being a know-it-all. I’m glad you told the mom!
Kim says
Yes! The vaping thing doesn’t bother me so much as they were outside, but come on, is the babysitter hard of hearing? I suppose it could be worse but it definitely could be much better.
Linda Bick says
Yes tell, as a mom I’d want to know!
Emily E. says
Mavis, I’m really glad you decided to talk to the parent(s). What you were describing was more of an extreme for that child. Too often people think “someone else will do something or say something” and then no one does. You have to ask yourself if you would want someone to tell you if the shoe was on the other foot. I would. Plus, maybe the babysitter has the potential to be really good but needs to be called on her behavior to know that she needs to be more responsible and attentive to the child/toddler. Good for you!
Robyn says
Mavis- it truly takes a community. I’m glad to see you talked to the neighbour. You seem to be very diplomatic and caring from what I read in your blog, so I’m certain you discussed it very tactfully! Good on you Mavis!
R says
SPEAK UP!! I had a weekly nanny and it wasn’t till my 7 yr old had a day off school and was with the nanny that she said the nanny used an angry voice all day and everyone was afraid of her and that she kept face timing with Frank and making them say hi. Who is Frank and no wonder my kids cried when she came. She was fired on the spot. Please tell.
Vy says
Good for you! You absolutely did the right thing. Trust your instincts, and yours said something was very wrong.
Amy says
I would absolutely say something. As a parent, I would want to know – as a parent I would be livid if that happened with my child/ sitter (but then I don’t hire sitters either) I like your approach of “hey, this is probably none of my business (and please forgive me if I’m overstepping) but I thought you might want to know…”
Worst case, you offend your neighbor and they think you’re nosey and intrusive. (which I don’t think is the case) Worst case, they had no idea and will never use that sitter again. Sorry, but any form of smoking is never ok when babysitting – and it sounds much like the sitter was not caring for the little one.
I honestly think you would be wrong to NOT say something.
Poor little guy 🙁
Vicki in Birmingham says
Yes Mavis, I think you must say something. Even it is asking the parents if the little one was sick the day in question and when they say no, and ask why you ask, then you can say it cried most of the day.
It may not have been being abused, but likely it was being neglected…which in itself is abuse. And the vapeing also needs addressing. No one really knows what or how many chemicals are in that liquid and no matter what it is, humans were never intended to be intentionally breathing in foreign vapors…especially children.
I think you must find a creative way to say something. If the parents think it is fine, then you have done your part for the little one and if they were totally oblivious to it, I am sure they will be happy to know and to find a different baby sitter, maybe one not so lame in the child care department.
Sometimes silence is not golden.
Mimi says
I too am so glad you said something.
I once lived next door to a daycare provider who while not abusive or blatantly neglectful, used a harsh tone with the kids all day long. She obviously wasn’t cut out to spend her days with small children. I debated letting parents know what the atmosphere was like for their kids but before I got up the nerve she moved. I always regret not saying something. How awful to be in such unpleasant company when you’re small and defenseless.
Leslie says
Glad that worked out! Snoopy neighbors ftw!
Amy says
Thank you for updating. And YES!!! Speak with the parent, that’s what neighbours are for.
Claire says
Yes say something. Mine wouldn’t let me leave the room forever, so it could be a fussy toddler but mum needs to know anyhow. Also, Mavis, remember husbands were never mother’s solo they do see things differently!
gina says
Gladys Kravitz here and I say DO IT! I would totally want to know if my kid had a crappy babysitter! Terrible! What’s the worst that can happen- your neighbor doesn’t talk to you anymore? Around here, that would be NO big loss! Looks like the verdict after reading everyone’s posts is DO IT!
Delorise says
Coming from a work background with Family & Children Services— talk to the parents right away and be frank and detailed about what you saw and heard– and do it immediately!!!!
Deb k says
It’s evening and I just read your post with the question and with your comments after going over and talking to the mother of the crying child. I just wanted to say good for you. If it had been my child, I would have wanted to know and thank goodness you were there to help by alerting the mom. You did a good thing for someone else’s child and you should be proud.
Deb k (a mom)
kathleen says
Always say something. I had a now deceased sister in another state and cps placed her 4 kids with me. The tiny ones,stories,we’re heartbreaking but I was angry that so many, including all her neighbors knew what was going on and said nothing.the kids were picked up because the neighbors finally complained about the treatment of her dogs. The dogs.
Stacey says
Great job, Mavis! I’m glad you let your neighbor know. I would have wanted to know, and I think you are the best neighbor ever!
Cecile says
IMO I would say to the neighbour, ‘ Sounds like your little one had a really tough morning today!’ If they are concerned they will ask, why. If they aren’t they won’t! If it happens again today or soon with the same sitter, I would definitely say something direct…’I noticed you have a new sitter, I know how difficult it is with little ones adjusting to new people but I thought you may like to know ‘Jimmy’ cried for three solid hours yesterday and today before the sitter took him out for a walk so they could partake in some vaping to calm their own nerves! Might be something you may want to discuss with them and if you are in need of a sitter, I can help!’ I had the same issue with one of our ‘rental’ neighbours. The house beside us has three rental units two face our home. One young mom had an infant and from 6:30-10 am every morning for a week this wee one was crying so I asked her when I saw her if the baby was teething…I got a mind your own—-business! Well that did it for me, one quick call to Children’s Services was all it took! I was willing to talk her through teething being a new mom, I was willing to babysit since I was up everyday at that time too! She didn’t want or need help but I wasn’t listening to a baby cry for three and a half hours every morning!
Rebecca in MD says
Just read your post about the babysitter – – – so glad to hear you said something to your neighbor. I would ABSOLUTELY want to know if it were my child. Good on you, Mavis!
Terri says
CORRECTION Vaping is very bad. Never have heard anyone say it is healthy at all.
Here’s the problem with vaping. It will kill you.
It causes the sacs in your lungs to go away. And it is not repairable. They go away and you can’t breathe.
It will kill you faster than cigarettes.
Please do not perpetuate that it is healthy in anyway.
Julia says
Here is a suggestion for mothers with young children that my sister-in-law shared with me. She and my brother have 4 boys very close in age. When they were little my sister-in-law was desperate for some time away but was reluctant to trust just anyone to watch them. So she found a young teen to be a “mother’s helper.” She would hire the teen to come over while she was home to keep the kids busy while she worked on projects around the house. In this way the mother’s helper became accustomed to the boys routines and learned what my sister-in law expected from a sitter. In addition the boys got used to her and were excited to see her. After she felt comfortable with the teen’s capability my sister-in-law would trust her to watch the boys while she ran short errands then worked up to being away longer. So she basically trained her sitters and watched how they interacted with her kids for quite some time before trusting them alone with her boys. I did this with our son and it worked very well.