I just thought I’d give you a heads up and let you know that in case I don’t show up to work tomorrow, {you know, here on the blog} it’s because I’ve been arrested and I’m sitting in jail.
Which brings to mind so many questions, like:
What will the food be like?
Will I have my own cell? How many people will have slept on that particular mattress? Has it been sanitized? And if so, HOW? What do you think the silverware will be like? Will I get a pencil and paper, because I can’t imagine I’d get to bring my laptop.
Will I really only get one phone call? How long will I have to talk? And if so, who should I call? I’m thinking my mom. I mean, if there is anyone who could be all hands on deck in 2 seconds or less and who could channel the get ‘er done mentality of Shirley McClain from Terms of Endearment {Give my daughter the shot!!} it would be my mother. And likewise, if she ever got picked up by the feds, I’d like to think I’d be the one she’d call first too.
And mom if you are reading this, you totally know that’s true.
I’m your person.
Yada yada yada…
Yesterday I got a robo call from some male generated voice saying an arrest warrant was going to be issued in my name if I didn’t immediately call the designated number back. I think he said something like I “had tried to do a fraud with the IRS” or something.
But I was busy making muffins. And then I totally forgot about the phone call. Until just now. When I got a second call. Which of course I missed because I was out back pulling weeds.
So now I’m like, great, like I don’t have enough to do today. Now I’ve got to pack for jail.
Good times people. Good times.
Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow, maybe I won’t.
But hey, if I do get thrown in the pokey, don’t be a stranger. Please write.
~Mavis
Sharon says
bwahahahaha!
Kristin says
I got the exact and message today as well!
Kristin says
Exact same*
Rosaleen says
If you can record these, which you did with your answering machine, it may be worth turning such messages over to your local police department. They will forward the info to the proper agency. Most of us know these are garbage, but consider the poor souls who are less savvy for some reason, such as some older people, some immigrants, etc. Not to knock older people, some some consider me one, but some of my relatives would have panicked.
Wasn’t there a news story about a police chief getting one of these calls on his office phone? Ha!
Debbie says
I work at a police office in Canada and we get inquiries about these calls (ours are for the Canada Revenue Agency) and variations of them all the time. Like 10 to 30 a week. Sadly, there is nothing we can do about them, because most of the calls don’t originate in Canada, in our case. They use a line in Canada to forward them so it looks like they are legit and coming from inside the country, but it’s just call forwarded in from another country, which we have no jurisdiction over. All we can do is refer people to Fraud Busters (in Canada), but even then, there is really nothing they can do. All we recommend to people is to hang up on the caller, and eventually they will stop calling.
And yes… they have called us as well.. but they hang up REALLY quickly when we let them know it’s a police office they’re calling. 🙂
Des says
Actually just finished reading a Vice piece on scamming! Very interesting and so glad you’re covering the topic.
https://news.vice.com/story/jamaica-lottery-deadly-scam-fbi
Leanna Thompson says
I have some answers to your questions . My hubby works at the detention center here in our large metropolis. He does maintenance…usually plumbing which includes unclogging (and removing things you wouldn’t believe from) inmates toilets. The food: bad, ramen. Plastic spoons. Cells are shared unless you are REALLY uncooperative. Nope not sanitized. Ever watch the tv program “Jail”? It gives you a glimpse.
Karin says
Well perhaps you will be sharing a cell with my 15 year old son. It seems that he is also in trouble for fraudulent tax returns and owes the IRS a lot of money. Ironically, he also has great credit which can earn him big discounts on his auto insurance and will also help him get get a better deal on all his student loans! (all this while he is registered on the government “do not call list”. Frustrating!)
Lisa says
Make sure you get the jail address to all of us! lol
Lynne says
Just one more reason why I don’t answer the phone if you aren’t in my contacts. But if you are Mavis, calling about a bakery, I’ll be sure to call you back 😉
Connie says
Got same call..notice they don t say your name !!rRobot generic call
Lauralli says
I got a very similar call yesterday! There goes my theory about them being regional calls…I’m in Arkansas! But, most infuriatingly, on Saturday my phone started ringing non-stop. One call after another. All from within my state but no numbers I recognized so I didn’t answer them for a while. But, this one number called several times so curiosity got the better of me. The lady told me that I had called her. Um, no, I had actually been taking a nap when my phone started ringing incessantly. She also had my name! I told her that I was sorry but I didn’t know what was going on. Then I listened to a few voicemails that people had left me….they all said that I had called them and they wanted to know who I was and what I wanted. I had not called anyone. I called AT& T and they told me that my phone number (and most probably my entire contact list on my phone) had been stolen by someone who had been in close proximity to me recently by an app on their phone. And, that there wasn’t really anything they could do about it except change my phone number for me. They advised I wait a couple of days to see if the calls slowed or stopped. I really don’t want to change my number as that will be a huge pain after over 10 years with the same number. The calls have stopped. But, who knows if they will start up again? And, yes, I do have a locked phone. The thieves are one step ahead of us, including the technology security gurus. I feel like I’ve been robbed (and maybe watched)! If they can get my number and my contact list what else can they get off my phone? Anybody else experience this?
Laura T. says
Lauralli, that’s kind of creepy! I know they can scan your purse & get charge card information from your cards but I’ve never heard of this. I have gotten many of the same calls about going to jail & the IRS. I thought I heard that they caught a bunch of people involved in it a while back. I guess someone else has continued on with it!
Practical Parsimony says
I am in AL and got one of these calls about a month ago, as did lots of people in my county. I think the sheriff got one here. I laughed and ignored it. Even at the advanced age of 70, I did not believe them.
OregonGuest says
Awesome! Mavis, you are such a felon! You missed an important question, however: what to wear. I’m thinking the 1970s Disco Queen black jumpsuit from a few weeks back, yes?
We had a similar call last summer. Hubby and I were outside in the garden and our young son fielded the call, then proceeded to yell out the window, “Dad, the IRS is on the phone and you’re in HUGE TROUBLE!!!” Our not-too-nice next door neighbor was standing near the property line and seemed ecstatic that my husband would soon be hauled off to the hooskow. I will pray that you don’t have to share a cell with my husband (the snoring sounds like he’s sucking the paint off the walls).
pam from Issaquah says
@OregonGuest…..I. just. cracked. up! the bit about your husbands snoring! I have one of those too!
Marilyny says
Mavis, have you not seen the TV series, “Orange is the New Black?” That’ll answer a few of your questions! HAHAHA
Cheryl says
You can also report as much of the conversation that you remember to http://www.tigta.gov top right corner that says IRS Impersonation Scam Reporting.
Martine says
lol. 😀 Hillarious. Hope you’re still home. 🙂 x
Julia says
Yea, apparently I have diabetes, am in extreme pain, wish to obtain a grant to go back to school, owe the IRS money, am getting money BACK from the IRS, have a virus in my computer, have had my identity stolen, and all of this can be fixed simply by sharing my personal information with the nice person on the phone. NOT!!!!! Mostly I don’t answer the phone but sometimes I do just to mess with them. I use funny accents and voices, pretend I can’t hear them and make them repeat themselves and ask dumb questions till they hang up on me. Sometimes I need a laugh…
Laura T. says
Julia, a guy I knew was pretty good at speaking Russian. He would speak to the scammers in Russian. That got rid of them real quick because they didn’t understand him! :0)
Linda M says
Got one of those calls awhile back…rather unnerving! What a douce! Anyway, I only answer calls that I recognize and if I don’t they can leave a message and I can call back if so desired. However, scammers have started using numbers that are local and even people you know to get you to pick up! Ugh big time!
Js says
My 89 yr old father got one of these calls and panicked. Absolutely disgusting and disgraceful that these kinds of calls can be made.
Judy says
Mavis I laughed when I read this!! I too got one of these calls yesterday! Same message different number!!
I guess we’ll be jail mates!
FarmGirl says
This post was hilarious! I so needed a good laugh! Thanks! And I hope you share the jail address somehow so we can send you mail.
Tracy T says
Hi Mavis. I used to work at a large county jail. When you are in the holding cell (before being booked in) you have a telephone, but you can only call people collect. The food will suck 95% of the time. You will only get your own cell if you are suicidal or if you can’t play well with others. But that usually involves something else called a restraint chair. Mavis…you would NOT like that chair. The mattress pads are very rarely cleaned, but you are given a nice, clean, itchy blanket that you could use as a barrier between you and the mattress. 😐
If the booking staff is friendly, they will let you use their phone to make one call. I agree that you should call your Mom. She will then be able to do what you need from the outside, aka, “Free World.”. You won’t get a pencil and paper. Pencils are weapons. The robo phone call you got is hilarious. No worries about that one.
Mavis Butterfield says
You are awesome! Thanks for the tips.
Jenny Young says
Hilarious! But so sad that many people are scammed by these calls.
I have the Mr Number app on my phone…it’s free. I block calls like this & rarely get them.
Sherry says
Those calls make the rounds here, of course. I have always ignored them. Last year I was out real quick and my husband didn’t answer but heard the message. As soon as I walked in the door he got on me all mad that “we owe the IRS money, why didn’t I know” and blah blah blah. I waited for him to stop ranting and said “you are there every year when we get our taxes done, when have we EVER owed the IRS money?” Proceeded to tell him it’s one of the most well known scans around. Flash forward to last month when the calls came again and he says he better let his parents know because they would “fall for that easily”, I said oh like you did last year? Ha ha…
But UGH so many scam phone calls!!
Deborah from Texas says
Several years ago we kept getting collect calls from “someone” in jail. We never could make out his name. LOL we kept telling them “NO! We will NOT accept collect calls. Still don’t know who it was, nor do we care. This was pre-2005, because my FIL was still alive at the time.
I’ll hear from You tomorrow. I don’t think you’ll be in jail!
Look online for the number, if you have caller ID, and report it to the proper authorities.
Cindy Brick says
I’ll be joining you shortly, no doubt. We’ve had several now from an officer connected with the IRS…and, I think, one about jury duty, too. My mom in Michigan, 79, has had her share, too.
If I go to jail too, can I get some REST? I’d almost be looking forward to it!
Linda says
Hahaha! What will they think of next! But on a more serious note my daughter was arrested for domestic violence. Her boyfriend was mad while they were driving to dinner, she said stop the car I want to get out for a minute and catch my breath, (she didn’t want to aggravate the situation by yelling also ) so he drove away leaving her by the side of the road. They weren’t far from his apartment, so she walked back, talking and crying to me on the phone. He went to dinner alone and she was packing up her stuff. He returned and wanted to talk. She didn’t, he pushed her onto the bed because she was now yelling and he didn’t want the neighbors to hear he held her down and there’s a 100 lb difference in their weight. Forest she fought. She thought I’ll relax so he’s not holding me down. When she did he let up enough to let her get her legs under her, and she catapulted him off of her, giving him a fat lip, she also had injuries. He then left, she had no idea where he was going. His best friend is a police officer. So he went to the police department to get a restraining order on her! She was putting her belongings into her car when the police arrived. They arrested her, and him too! Karma sucks! Sorry not funny… but for your readers it’s important to know that if the police can’t figure out who is the aggressor the arrest both of you… P. S. The charges were dropped.
Vivian says
My plan when they call me is to say “Hooray! This has always been my retirement plan! Come and get me! I am SO ready! And then hang up…..
Libby says
According to the IRS Im going to jail too! Who knew that the IRS is now communicating using voicemails. Maybe we can share a cell and barter for ramen and toothpaste! This is going to be great, see you there!