I’ll admit, I am a traditionalist. I think manners matter, and thank you notes are just an extension of manners. I always made my kids write thank you notes. Now, it is totally ingrained and I don’t really have to remind them. For the record, I don’t think it matters too much if it is a hand-written note or an email. I think the important part is that kids make sure to show their gratitude. It is an acknowledgement to the person who sent something. It lets them know that the gift arrived and that it was appreciated. With Christmas presents all unwrapped, now is the perfect time to teach your kiddos how to write Thank-you’s. That way, when their birthdays roll around, they’ll totally know the drill :).
Here’s a couple of tips to make Thank-you’s less of a chore and more of a courtesy:
- Keep your expectations age appropriate. When the kids were younger, I used to make them a template that they could fill in with their own words. We would print it out, fill it in and then send it. I was just laying the foundation for the year to come, and minimizing the whining that came from cramped crayon clutching little hands. The template would go something like this:
Dear XXXX,
Thank you for the _________. I really love it.
Love,
XXXX
- When I was younger, I always got thank you cards and stamps as one of my gifts. It was my mother’s not-so-subtle way of providing me the tools to get the job done. It was like an errand she didn’t have to run later. I say, just pick the cards and stamps up BEFORE the big gift-giving day {Christmas, Birthdays, etc.} so that no one has any excuses.
- As the kids get older, encourage them to follow a little more complicated template: Thank them for the gift. Tell them how they plan to use it. Tell them a little personal information {important for grandparents who live out of town}. Wish the gift-giver well. Reiterate thank-you. Sign off.
- If thank-you’s are painful, encourage kids to complete so many per day. Maybe 2 per day, with the goal of mailing them by Friday…or something like that.
- One year, in a moment of really high ambitions, I snapped pictures of my kids with each of their gifts. Then, we copied the pics into a word document and the kids typed their thank-you’s. We printed them off and mailed them. Relatives got to see the kids {with the gift they’d sent} and got a thank-you. They totally appreciated it. AND, the kids had a visual reminder as they typed their thank-you’s.
- Teach kids the art of evasion AND appreciation. Even if they don’t LOVE the hand-knitted booties great-aunt Gladys sent them, they can still appreciate the effort she went to and the thought behind them. Teach them to write a thank-you for the sentiment. Example: Thank you for the hand-knitted slippers. I know you must have put in a lot of time to make those, and it means a lot to me that you care so much. Also, I don’t know if you knew this, but my favorite color is blue, so how perfect that they are blue. {No lies, of course, only gratitude.}
- Show your kids how important it is by setting a time aside for it. You probably have your own thank-you’s to write. Set aside a time where you can ALL sit down and write them. Make snacks, turn on music or a family favorite movie, and get to work. You can make it fun{ner} and not completely painful.
- Get too busy to send thank-you’s? It’s never too late. Snap a picture of your child using the toy/clothing and send a thank-you months later. It is still better than nothing–and who knows, maybe the sender will appreciate seeing that it is getting used and totally forget that it is now July :).
Do YOU think thank-you’s are important? How did/do you get teach your kids to write them?
~Mavis
Tamara says
Great post and good tips! Good manners and courtesy are never out of style!
KAte says
Growing up in my house, the rule was you couldn’t use the gift until you’d written the thank you! So we were very motivated as kids to write our thank yous. (Although years later I found a bunch of my childhood notes in a pile in my parent’s bedroom. We’d written them and they never got mailed. HA!)
I still write my thank yous right away, my husband thinks it’s silly, but I maintain that it’s good manners to say thank you for a gift.
Kat says
How amusing that I was just talking to my son about this today. We have a policy in our home that the gift cannot be enjoyed until the thank you note is written. The toy cannot be played with, the book cannot be read, the check cannot be cashed, etc. They can procrastinate if they want, but it really is much easier to just get it over and done with. When the children were younger, a picture with a thank you was fine.
Katrina says
I always had my children write thank you notes. When they were little it was one thank you card with messages from all the kids on it. Today the kids are grown and they still write thank you cards. I think it’s so important to send a little message thanking or acknowledging people for a gift. Today there are so many avenues to do that, whether it be a written note, email, phone call or message there is no excuse. . Thank you for posting this Mavis because I think many people forget.
Ellen in Clackamas says
I think this is still so important, especially if you aren’t there when the gift is opened (I give it a pass if you are standing right there and the child says “thank you”) . I have a couple of granddaughters who grew up miles and miles away from me and every holiday I would send a box and/or card to remind them I was thinking of them. Never heard a word back (I put this on their dad when they were little). Every year I would have to send a message asking if they had received my gift. I thought/hoped as they grew up they would take it upon themselves to do this but alas no. I will keep sending birthday and Christmas cards so they know I am Still thinking of them but it has been disappointing.
Butterflyweed says
I too had the “until you write the thank-you note, you can’t use the gift” rule when my kids were younger. I have given cards and stamps to college age kids as a not so gentle reminder. Unfortunately, if mama ain’t there nagging, I mean reminding them, they don’t do it and somehow I am always to blame and not dad. Sigh. I guess we can’t win every parenting battle.
Liberty Chick says
I was not taught to write thank you notes, but realized as a young adult how important they are to good manners – so i do them, as does my family. I have sent my nieces out of state gifts for YEARS…and now my grandnieces. I have dropped hints to my sister ‘hey did ya get my gifts?’, sent her a manners book when I bought mine years ago (365 Days of Manners, great for kids! you can read one a day) and even sent thank you cards with last years Christmas presents. Nothing. Nada. Not a call or text. Zip. I finally decided not to send gifts anymore. I can’t control their behavior but I can control mine and it was just reeeeeally making me upset. At the beginning I felt a bit of a heel, but now, nope. I mean, honestly, if you can’t thank someone for a gift, it must not mean much to you. Sigh…
Ramona says
Yes I think it is important. I always had my son write a thank you. If he ever received a check as a gift he had to write a thank you before the check was cashed. I have a relative that the kids didn’t send out thank you’s so I stopped sending them anything.One year I even sent the family a box of thank you cards along with the Christmas gifts, I don’t think they got the hint or chose to ignore them. I did give them a few chances and they have redeemed themselves lately.
Mary says
I need advise – when is the “best” time to purchase a new dishwasher? What brand do you recommend? Thanks
Mary says
When is the best time to purchase a dishwasher? What brand do you recommend?
Mavis Butterfield says
Hi Mary,
I LOVED the dishwasher at our old house, it was a Bosch. I didn’t even have to rinse the dishes it was so good. The Home Depot has appliances over $396 on sale right now for 10% off. I hope that helps.
Kayla says
Thank you Mavis for the reminder on my part. I have neglected my thank you letters this year. My oldest is finally able to write a letter and this is the perfect year to start the Thank You writing tradition. Thank you!
Debbie says
Growing up, I too was always taught to write thank you notes. Now I automatically do it. With teen grandkids, right after opening presents, I have various notecards and pens available for them to write on. They all (4) do it together and it is fun! Hopefully they will remember it.
Debbie says
PS Yes, And they can;’t spend the money untill that note is written..
Kathryn says
I am so glad to know that thank-you note writing still exists. I still love doing it. I required it of my children, but I don’t see it happening that often. I think it is just a gracious thing to do.
Lisa Millar says
Not bothering to say thank-you for presents or parcels is something that gets right up my nose!! 🙂
We were always taught as kids to write thank-you letters (or thank people in person) for anything we received.
Sadly not all (extended) family members think this way. For years I have sent parcels into the void… so I have just stopped making the effort. In this day and age there really isn’t an excuse not to be able to get in touch to let someone know a parcel arrived and perhaps even tack a ‘thank-you’ on to that.
Not to do so really shows a lack of manners and a lack of respect/caring towards the person that went to the effort to give you something.
Julie says
So true! I’m trying my best to raise grateful children. Thanks for posting!