The Great Tipping Debate – Yesterday on the blog I shared photos of a fantastic little lobster truck the HH and I stopped to eat at. I hadn’t even noticed the tip jar on the counter until OHAM reader Brianna pointed it out. In case you missed it, here’s the comment she left:
“I noticed the giant coffee can sized tip jar. It seems everywhere nowadays has oversized tip jars and they are right there in your face to notice. My hubby and I have had many debates over the past year over the tip jars.
I recently bought some ice cream from a counter shop and paid with cash and the guy threw my change in the tip jar rather than handing it to me. It infuriated me and I let him know how inappropriate it was, especially since it was $4.29/scoop in a cup.”
Well Brianna, you’re not alone. I have noticed that there seem to be tip jars EVERYWHERE these days too, but they don’t bother me at all or near as much as flipping over the little machine where the tip starts at 15% and goes up from there {to 35% in some cases!}.
And don’t even get me started on the automatic 20% tip added on a bill in some places. Guilt tipping, it’s a real thing.
And consumers are getting tired of it too.
My personal opinion on the matter is that people shouldn’t feel obligated to tip someone for doing their basic job… Meaning handing me what I ordered over the counter and that’s it. Because seriously, how else am I supposed to get what I ordered?
I am definitely not including waitstaff or servers. That is a tough job especially if you’re very good at it. It is certainly a skill. I realize in some states they can also be paid below minimum wage and should be tipped and tipped well if they do a great job.
It’s part of their job. I too think the whole tipping thing has gotten out of hand. It used to be that a tip was left for exceptional service. Now it seems like many people expect a tip for just showing up to work and fulfilling their job description. For some reason, and I’m not sure exactly when, it just seems to be a new thing and it started way before all the recent inflation issues.
I don’t hand the cashier at the grocery store a tip for ringing up my order. Nor do I tip the girl at the donut shop for putting a donut in a bag, ringing up my order and then handing me the bag with the donut in it.
I also don’t tip the person at the front desk of a hotel for checking me in. So why would I tip for essentially the same service elsewhere?
The whole tipping thing bothers me so much that we have stopped using our credit card when we eat out.
After two super awkward experiences, I told the HH, that’s it. I’m not using a credit card anymore and having a tablet shoved in my face and having the cashier or the server STAND THERE, waiting and watching me decide if I’m going to tip or how much of a tip I am going to leave.
After this happened multiple times in both over the counter and a few sit down nice restaurant situations, I was so done with it. It makes me crazy! Paying for food service with cash is SO MUCH EASIER in my opinion.
I have no problem leaving a good tip. I actually love leaving a big tip. It’s win win for everyone. It makes me feel good, and hopefully the person receiving it, but you are going to have to do more than literally hand me my food over the counter or drop it off at my table and then disappear.
The great tipping debate. How do YOU feel about it?
~Mavis
*In case you were wondering, yes, I have been both a waitress and a behind the counter food service worker. 🙂
Lynda says
Tipping has got so out of hand that we rarely go out to eat nowadays. I always pay in cash when we do as I think a ten percent tip is enough. But then I feel guilty about only leaving the ten percent!! It’s easier to go buy two really expensive steaks or something else on the high end and cook it at home.
Tracey says
CASH IS KING!! Little known fact: restaurant employers are only required to pay servers a minimum cash wage and credit card tips are taxed! Cash tips are not. How could I have not known this all these years? My sister, a 55yr old woman and lifelong restaurant server, only told me last week that in PA the hourly is $2.13 . Yes, you read that right.
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/state/minimum-wage/tipped
Mavis Butterfield says
In Washington state servers make $16.28 an hour BEFORE tips! California it’s $16 a hour.
Katelyn says
Cash tips should be reported to the employer and taxed as any other wage. If not, the employee is required to report them and pay tax on their return. There’s no such thing as untaxed earnings.
Carolyn Rust says
This is especially true in many states that built into their tax code that cash tips can be inferred and taxed even if not reported.
Sharon says
I live in PA and I always tip 20% in a real restaurant (one that serves meals). It’s the coffee shops or non-food shops that are abusing the tip requests. I don’t see the need to tip someone for handing me my dry cleaning or a cup of coffee.
Lynn in SoCal says
There is a very confusing and controversial, new minimum wage for fast food workers in California, effective April 2024, that has raised the minimum wage to $20 an hour. A lot of my friends worked fast food in high school or college to make gas money. Needless to say, I don’t eat out much, especially fast food!
Norma says
Some places in WA are now close to 20 an hour depending on the county and the size of the business
Jayne says
As others have said, Tracey is wrong in her belief that cash tips are not taxed. And I think most people are well aware of the very small hourly wage most servers are paid.
Erin says
I like the idea of paying in cash. It does seem like it would help me take back my sense of control, because tipping is absolutely out of control now.
Hubby & I were Mother’s Day shopping for his mom in one of the coastal southern Maine towns. We bought some speciality soap from a retail shop, & their screen asked for a tip. For soap they didn’t make, that I carried to the counter, & that I used my own shopping bag for. The options were 15%, 20%, & 25%. That’s when I really started reevaluating my tipping approach. (I didn’t tip that day)
I am also asked to tip when I buy gift cards at places. Retail, Starbucks, basically everywhere. NOPE. No way.
I was a server & love tipping, but I am no longer tipping for anything that isn’t a server waiting on me at a sit down meal or a small tip ($1 per meal purchased) for takeout – if they get my order right. I worked a takeout counter & it’s a lot more work than most people imagine.
Outside of this? I have a severe food allergy, so if the ice cream shop employee takes the time to change gloves, use a fresh scooper & scoops my order from the back – they get a tip. I’m grateful to be able to enjoy a treat with my family & want to reward that extra level of customer service (since it’s usually young teens working). But tipping someone who poured my black coffee into a to go cup? No thanks.
Basically, I take each situation & evaluate, but I do feel more empowered now to NOT tip. I’m definitely going to give the cash pay approach a try, too! I can’t stand handing over my card or tap to pay without seeing a copy of my bill first.
Marcia says
What I’m learning is that the software that these places are using now (on iPads, for example), includes the tip page whether you want it or not. So I suspect that many of these businesses don’t have a choice – it comes with the software.
Erin says
I do understand that, but they sure embrace it. I’ve been to one retail place where the employees speed through the screens from their side, in order to skip the tip page. I’ve always appreciated that. These other places I’m talking about verbally offered me an option to tip, making eye contact while I stood there unsure of myself. Software or not, it’s still a culture being embraced at those stores.
Nancy Settel says
Very timely brought up Mavis. I am so over this with a tip jar everywhere. When we went to a food truck (our first and only time) the man standing there in the truck to hand me an order was kind of shaking the tip jar!! It has gotten so out of hand. Also while at the beach in NJ with my son so he could show us his new condo every shop we went into at the check out counter of the store was a tip jar! Now I have worked in retail and we never got a “tip” for ringing up their order. I am over it for sure. We do tip restaurants 20% for our order perhaps a bit more but all this other stuff is crazy. Oh also I worked as a hostess in a few restaurants over the last few years. One girl was fired for adding extra to tips. She had the ink pen that the customers used and say they left a $8.00 tip she would add a $1. in front of the $8. so she ended up with a $18. tip!!! She had been doing this for a good while and like her sister said people don’t get their bill for a good month and they don’t record it anywhere and it was only by chance she got caught. She went on to do the same thing in other places in our small beach town.
jess says
Tipping is out of control for sure. I happily and generously tip for restaurant meals served to me, hair or nail services that are performed etc. But I am in total agreement with not tipping for the basic services that were never tipped previously. I try to always have cash on hand and will always make effort to leave the tip in cash for the servers as well. I prefer to pay the total bill at most places with cash as so many places are adding the cc% fee to the bill now. its crazy!
Julie V says
One of the fun things of visiting family in California has always been going out to eat but I really am reevaluating that with how expensive it is, before even the tip for the mediocre food and service. One breakfast experience and tip was over $50 for two people, we commented that for just the price of 2 regular coffees we could have bought a can of coffee at the store and had coffee for a month. For what we got, I felt like we were robbed. And it seems like more mistakes are being made.. while traveling, twice I asked for unsweetened tea with my order in drive thru and was given sweet tea that I had to throw away as I cannot consume it due to health reasons. It’s all becoming a waste of money with the better option being to just make and bring your own or find less expensive experiences to enjoy while traveling instead of eating out for birthdays, get togethers, etc to celebrate.
Ashley Bananas says
I go out so rarely for the feeling that I can have week or months supply of groceries for the price of eating out. I guess if my budget were larger I wouldn’t care as much. But it just seems like price gouging.
Stacie says
My husband and I were having this debate a few nights ago. We have a nicer restaurant in town where a dinner for two is $150ish, while we can go to a locally owned home cooking café and a dinner for two is $40ish. If you tip on 20% the nicer restaurant waiter would get $30 while the café waiter would get $8.00. Did the waiter at the nicer restaurant really provide $22 worth of better service?? Sure you can say they might have the knowledge of recommending a wine to go with the meal where the cafe waiter maybe would not, but essentially they both did the same job (took the order, delivered the food, refilled drinks, cleared the table).
Honeybee says
Stacie as a retired fine dining server and manager I see your point. I would also like you to consider how many times the server “turns the table” in an evening. In the diner the table is most likely turned every hour. In fine dining it is turned every 2.5 hours. Also in the diner the server probably has 5-6 tables in their section as opposed to the fine dining section is maximum 4 tables. In the diner the server does everything them selves. In fine dining the server shares their tips with the busser and the expeditor. Both are worthy of being fairly paid. Both jobs are equally difficult and require different skills.
Perhaps more information then anyone wants to know.
Also I personally feel tipping should be abolished. Employers should pay the staff a fair wage for the job performed and charge the customer accordingly.
KC says
YES. Fair wage, no tipping, no surprises is what I’d like. But it would definitely increase prices.
But when servers are getting underpaid on the assumption that tips will make it up to *minimum wage* then we have to keep tipping, or the people we’re hurting aren’t the people responsible for the state-level policies, or the people underpaying servers, but the servers themselves.
Bec in the PNW says
When I was a hostess at a restaurant 15+-ish years ago, I usually prepared the takeout orders. Tips were very rare and a delightful surprise. One couple regularly got takeout and would tip $1 and gave me a $20 before I headed back to college in the fall – so sweet! I didn’t expect tips!
Tipping now has gotten completely out of control. A local drive-through burger joint started asking for tips! The other day at the farmers market, I purchased local honey ($15 for a small jar!) and the credit card reader asked if I wanted to leave a tip. I happily and generously tip for sit down service and usually tip a dollar for coffee because I order lattes. But I feel guilty sometimes if I don’t tip and duped if I do.
Jenell Martin says
Oh tipping is so out of control it’s so disturbing I went to a Rick Springfield concert a few months ago and I was buying a T-shirt and for the lady to turn around and grab a T-shirt they asked for a tip on the computer screen I think that was my rock-bottom as far as tipping ! Totally out of control and I think people need to start boycotting it,
Lynn says
Agree with you 1000%! My husband and I stopped using credit cards for takeout orders when we are picking up the food. It’s a big fat NO to tip jars, as well. I, too, am a generous tipper in a sit-down restaurant but that’s where I draw the line. Definitely reassuring to know so many people feel the same way.
Marcia says
Agree with you 100!!!
Nancy H. says
My husband and I also only pay in cash. And tip in cash. One reason is the tip is not immediately given to the waitstaff in most places. Not until the til is balanced. We heard from one person that the tip came in the weekly paycheck. They were never sure if it was accurate. Some places also ‘shared’ total tips with all staff. So the person you tipped might not even get what you left. I do not like that the tip comes up on the iPad or phone when I pay with card at other places. Places where I do not normally tip. If I order at a counter and pick up the food myself at a counter I keep the tip for myself. I did the work.
joely says
There was an option for me to leave a tip when ordering funeral flowers online today. Really?
I was born and raised in a family restaurant and I firmly believe in tipping servers who in our state make a measly $5.55 per hour and who are taxed on 15% of their sales whether a diner tips them or not. Tipping for virtually everything now seems very unreasonable and at times offensive.
KC says
… wait, taxed at 15%, such that if they don’t net 15% tips *when you average them all out* – the non-tippers, the “5% was good enough in my day”ers, the “they didn’t do enough work to earn 15%”-ers, the normal tippers, and the occasional splurge tippers (they do exist! but whew, you don’t want to count on that), then they’re getting taxed on money they didn’t even get?
Also, $5.55/hr. It’d take 4.5 weeks of that at 40 hours/week to pay rent in our small, middle-of-the-US city. Before taxes, no other expenses like electricity or food or medical or transport, just rent.
Joely says
Yes.
Lana says
We have a cash budget for eating out so that is how we always pay.
There is a Mom and Pop restaurant where we have eaten breakfast for many years. The owner told my husband that he does not understand why he can’t get good help because his long time employed waitress makes $1500 working three days a week. This is just a small town diner in SC. We don’t mind tipping her well because she is good at her job. This is who should be tipped. Then there is Panera . We order in the app at our table and they put our food on the counter in the window and we pick it up. Every app order asks for a tip. Nope. Especially since we often have to ask to have our table washed when we get there and we clear our own dishes.
Arbie Goodfellow says
I need the money I make and don’t tip for silly things. I have also had servers stand behind me watching the screen for the tip. I will not be pressured into giving a tip or a large tip unless I want to.
I earned that money with hard work and I don’t just throw it away for feeling pressured.
Heather says
We go to a local family run restaurant almost weekly. The few times we ordered To Go meals I tip 10% since they have to get the food and bag it up for me. I think most credit card readers now automatically have the tip option. We have a new restaurant in town and they request the tip before you even get the food. It hasn’t gone over very well in town.
Kathy says
I certainly don’t feel obligated to tip. Had a pizza delivery guy stand at my door with his hand out. He said, in very broken English, “where tip?” To say I was appalled is putting it mildly! I tip based on service. If at diner, minimum 20%, depending on service. Sit down restaurant, I never use credit card so it’s debatable, depending on sevice. If it’s for delivery by a service like Door Dash, which I use because of currently not having a car, and because I know at least half the drivers in my area (they shop in my store), they know I’ll tip them cash at my door. I was told once that our country is the only one in the world where people expect a tip. Not a world traveler here, so I wonder about that.
Lynda says
I worked for years in a large shop that sold fresh flowers and plants, house wares/ gifts and furniture. Daily I’d wrap flowers for someone wrap a gift ( no charge) and carry tons of their things out to their car. Never once did any of us get tipped…and I didn’t get paid that much…
Cathy says
Oh this is a huge can of worms! I don’t like the constant tipping thing either and use cash mostly.
But I think you should all look closely at your restaurant checks especially. The local restaurant adds 3% for those not tipped to your bill. Meaning the dishwasher, cooks etc? (I mentioned this to a friend who goes to that restaurant a few times a week and she had no idea she was paying that.) And if you use a credit card, they add a transaction fee. And I especially love that they charge a transaction fee for using their own gift cards that you purchased from them! And I am not talking about chain restaurants.
We always went out to dinner once a week now we are lucky if we go once a month usually every couple of months now.
Linda says
I had the ipad turned to me when I ordered two big cookies from a pricey cookie store. I was resentful. I may start carrying more cash.
Tammy says
We tip at sit-down restaurants but we don’t tip at places that aren’t actually serving us. We don’t go out to eat (full service or otherwise) very often at all, but I do feel like a tip is part of the cost for a full-service restaurant. I went through the Starbucks drive through to buy my daughter’s teachers gift cards last month, and was shocked that I was given the option to tip. Just, crazy. I really do feel like it is out of hand. With feeling the crunch at the grocery store and other rising costs of living, it just doesn’t make sense that so many companies are asking for tips every time you turn around.
amy stander says
A lot of these comments turn my stomach.
Keva says
We find the whole ‘tipping’ process very stressful when visiting USA/Canada – in our culture ‘the price is the price’ (and it must also include any taxes). We had never tipped anyone in our lives until our first trip to the USA. We hated it (and I know many Australians feel the same).
KC says
I would appreciate it if every entity that asks for a tip via a screen would also disclose whether their employees are paid less than minimum wage (as is common in most states, on the assumption that they’ll be getting tipped to boost them to minimum wage).
(from a cursory search online, it looks like in Maine, employers can pay half the minimum wage and assume that their employees will be tipped the other half of the minimum wage, even if they’re not servers at sit-down restaurants, just… anything that might get tips. Yikes.)
JulieP says
Oh my goodness it’s good to know that tipping is getting out of hand there too. We never had this guilt tipping situation in the uk but it’s everywhere and getting worse! 15-20% added to bills so you have to scrutinise. I’ve been many things from bar staff, to a solicitors PA. More recently I’ve worked admin for our local GP surgery dispensary. We too get minimum wage it’s £11.44 an hour and can’t afford to tip for non service items. Still happy to add my own tip at a restaurant but not happy to have it automatically added to the bill whether the service was good or dreadful! I need to ensure we have more cash in the house, we’ve become very reliant on using our debit cards for everything since the pandemic.
Tammy says
Just one comment about tipping for counter service: my daughter was a waitress in a local burger chain (think a Friendly’s-style place) while in high school, making $2.13 plus tips. She and the other wait staff would have to rotate in and out of doing the counter, meaning taking orders over the phone, boxing up the orders, and taking payments at pick-up. For the same $2.13/hour, which meant she lost money every hour she spent doing that work instead. I agree that it’s ridiculous on one end to tip someone for just handing you your food, but, at the same time, she was penalized for doing that job instead of traditional waitstaff work. I firmly believe waitstaff should be paid at least minimum wage. Let the restaurant owners increase prices as necessary to cover that and let’s get rid of the ridiculous tipping system. I also result the hell out of restaurants that charge a 10-20% “service fee,” which they say is “to pay the staff a living wage.” Uh, shouldn’t you be pricing your food at a point to “pay the staff a living wage” to start with? Isn’t that just Business 101, to price your goods to cover your overhead? Lowe’s or Home Depot doesn’t charge me a 20% service fee to cover their overhead. Why are restaurants getting away with this foolishness?
Annette says
In my area people are walking in and stealing tip jars.
Jeanine says
I’m late to commenting…are tips based on the food only? Not the total bill with tax.
Annette says
That’s one approach.
Amber says
I’m noticing now that “tip fatigue” is setting in some of the jars or fill in the blanks are labeled “employee health and wellness fund”…. No joke!
Our area is bursting with places where you order at counter/tip and go fetch your own water, arm wrestle over a dirty available table and then clear your own dishes into their bus tub station. Lunch runs $15 to $20 prior to gratuity. Former restaurant employee in me is irritated with the new work/reward ratio.
Amber says
My issue with tipping is that it’s how the servers can afford to live. In other countries, tipping isn’t necessary because the servers and staff make a living wage. Here, servers are making $2.13 an hour. I firmly believe we should pay them (and everyone) a living wage, and eliminate the need for tips unless you’re feeling particularly generous that particular day.
Cecile says
I will often ask the wait staff how they get their tips and if they are divided among the kitchen staff/hostess etc. Some restaurants have it that if you pay by credit card it’s divided all ways, by cash they get their own tip. I have go to were I pay my bill with my credit card but pay the tip in cash. I will ONLY tip if it’s good service, give me attitude and you don’t get a tip! It annoys the bajebus out of me when staff saunter over, begrudgedly tak my order then when you need something after it arrives you never see them until the check comes. They chose the job, do it well or get out! I tip well, often too well since I’ve worked retail and know how crappy of a job it can be. There aren’t many ways to move up in the food industry so many rely on tips to make ends meet, some starve due to their attitude!
Torry says
I live in Washington state, in one of the counties where food workers make close to $20.00 an hour. Having said that, my pet peeve is that the tip rate has increased from 10%, when I was a teenager, to 20-25% now. Since it is based on what you are paying, and that amount has gone up, why has the percentage rate gone up? It feels like we are being taken advantage of.
Jill Rose says
If I’m standing up when I order, no tip.
Phyllis says
My husband used cash at a local meat market & the man who owned the shop explained that he would have to subtract the credit card fee from the receipt. He said he had to add a credit card fee because the credit card companies charge him for transactions. I figure alot of small businesses are having to do this. Since we use cash for most of our purchases we look for the credit card fee because it seems to be automatically added to your bill.
Sue says
Adding the credit card fee to the purchase total is new-ish. I don’t like it, but I get it. It’s certainly forced me into writing more checks locally, which is a way around it.
DD told me that if she has to pay for her food before she eats it, the person serving her is not a waiter/waitress, is paid a reasonable wage (think Subway/Starbucks) and does not need a tip. I’m mulling over that stance, and I think she may be onto something…