We’re right in the heart of gift-giving madness. More toys will be purchased during the Christmas season than all other holidays combined! There is always a buying frenzy and a hunt for the elusive hot toy of the season. Parents scramble to buy Johnny the very best and give Sally every toy her little heart desires, BUT is that behavior actually doing more harm than good? A recent study points to yes!
Researchers from the University of Toledo studied 36 toddlers by letting them play in a toy-filled room for 30 minutes. One room contained four toys and one room contained sixteen toys. They observed the differences in the way children interacted with these toys. What they found was super interesting!
“With fewer toys, participants had fewer incidences of toy play, longer durations of toy play, and played with toys in a greater variety of ways. This suggests that when provided with fewer toys in the environment, toddlers engage in longer periods of play with a single toy, allowing better focus to explore and play more creatively.”
So there is something to be said about giving a child a box for endless hours of play. It better sparks their imagination. And a surplus of toys does just the opposite. Too many toys causes a source of external distraction for young children. They actually play better with fewer toys! Can I get a collective hallelujah from the parents out there? I mean the toy thing is getting a bit out of control it seems.
The average American child gets 70 new toys a year. SEVENTY!! That seems insane to me!! And if that’s the average and I know I bought my kids nowhere near that amount, that means someone is out there gifting their kids hundreds upon hundreds of new toys each year. In the UK, a typical child owns 238 toys, but only plays with 12 favorites on a regular basis. So why do we continue to buy our kids 238 toys instead of just 12? Do we do it out of guilt? Do we do it to distract? To reward? Just because it’s the norm?
I’m curious what YOU think. How many toys do you think your kids own? Do you shower them with toys {no judgement here {you’re not in the minority if you do}? Do you think less is more? Talk to me about toys.
~Mavis
Cathy says
We believe in experiences. We give a couple of gifts and last year we paid for a week of science camp. Our only grand child is about to be 7. We made up a funny poem and a fancy card they loved and really enjoyed it in June when they went!
Lisa Millar says
This is so great! I often say while there are a few special Christmas presents I remember (first bikes from Santa for example) I remember mostly the things we did!!
Sarah says
Oh, Cathy you are a blessing to your children. I wish so badly my Mother-in-Law was on board with this. As parents we only give our kiddos experiences for birthdays, but the in-laws are convinced our children are lacking. They give hundreds of dollars in things every year and most of them end up being given away.
Amy in Oregon says
We definitely limit the number of toy our 6 kids have or get. We have a nice play kitchen with lots of pots and pans and hand sewn felt or wooden food, a very large lego collection for our boys, a large playmobil collection for our girls, each girl has an American Girl doll with clothes sewn by grandma. Our toddler has a bin of toys and trains just for him. We like to encourage imaginative play!!! Less is more around here!! Like Mavis we are practical gift givers, so our kids get things like new boots, or new bedding, things they need. And they are very happy kids.
Amanda Baldwin says
I noticed when we had the lego tub, and his other toy tub full that all he would do was throw them behind the couch, behind the fireplace. EVERYWHERE. Now with a reduced load and no legos yet since all he did was throw those. He plays with his cars and tractor for hours. Less to pick up at the end of the day also!
Practical Parsimony says
My children are all quickly approaching 50. They got a toy or two on their birthday and more at Christmas. They did not get an excess, one big and maybe five smaller unless it was doll clothes or Matchbox cars. One Christmas and I did my toy survey before Christmas, I decided there was too much. (Before Christmas I brought out all toys for Christmas and made sure they toys were equal, not equal in number.) This one Christmas, there were too many. So, I took the huge Tonka firetruck and tanker truck and put them away for another gift occasion. There was one for each for the two older children, 6 and 8, a boy and a girl.
One hot day about a week after school was out for the summer, I brought out both these toys and the children were thrilled to use both with the water hose to fill them outside. Really, winter was not the time for water play toys anyway.
As I sat with swim team mothers, they were in awe that I actually pulled one toy for each child, thinking I should have just given the toys anyway. Afterwards, a doctors wife commended me on not giving too much.
I bought quality toys and they lasted through the two older children and the little one hardly needed a toy. Her room did look like a toy store, but there were high shelves so she could not reach things and only had a few at her disposal at one time. She had my doll hoosier cabinet, daughter’s table and chairs, most of son’s cars. Oh, yes, there was the huge spring horse and tricycle that belonged to son and used by sister, too.
One thing I did not do was go out and buy pink things for the girls when there was a red or blue item like it in the house that was good quality.
She only had the furniture toys–cabinet, tables, chairs, rocker and dolls and cars ready to play. She had to ask if the wanted things on shelves. When she was old enough, she usually preferred to play outdoors.
Erica says
I would like to be more minimal, but it seems like toys multiply around our house. I think part of it is family members. I hardly remember my grandparents giving toys, but my parents and in-laws give the kids just as much or more than we do at Christmas and birthdays, plus our siblings each give a gift.
I admit though that it wouldn’t feel like Christmas to me without an abundance of gifts. Although I don’t love having so much stuff, I can’t seem to stop buying gifts for the experience of watching my kids open them all.
KC says
My sister is dealing with the Toy Influx, and a large part of it is the kids associating gifts with love, and grandparents wanting to give and give and give (plus aunts and uncles and cousins and friends also giving gifts). So their house is jam-packed – and the toy influx would be huge even if my sister and her husband didn’t give their offspring anything at all.
I have heard of people doing toy rotations – packing away 90% of the toys into bins in the attic, and then swapping out which toys are in active use on, say, rainy days or other “something new to play with would be nice” sorts of times, and that seems very sensible – but requires storage space and probably would also meet with resistance from kids when first implemented!
Jamie says
It’s hard to shop for my nieces and nephew I see once a year. I love sending them candy and movie tickets for Christmas. This year I went to six different countries so I sent the movie tickets with candy from each country.
For their birthdays we buy a card and each of my family members include a handwritten heartfelt note and a gift card.
I’ve already told my kids I would rather give them experiences when they have their own families. Memberships to the zoo or a session of swim lessons, something like that. I didn’t feel like we had the money to shell out for these type of things when I had small kids and we were starting out. Experiences are where it’s at!
Brianna says
I get annoyed with all of the toys. I look at them and at least 50% were not given to my kids by my hubby or I. I actually was planning on doing a toy decluttering this week and I was googling around on the idea for a bit. I have 1 child who easily makes decisions and gives up toys, 1 child who believes every toy is his favorite, and 1 child who I have to make toys disappear when he isn’t around because he will not make a decision to pass anything along to donation or younger brother. I cringe every time we get a package in the mail around holidays or birthdays. My youngest doesn’t play nice with toys and often breaks them (although the quality isn’t spectacular nowadays) and I believe it is because he has too many and is overwhelmed. I think what really gets me though is when my kids go any play at their friends houses and they come home and tell me how much toys they have…..full rooms dedicated to just toys. My kids have a ton of toys, but their friends….wow! Between my 3 kids they have a 4-tier chrome shelf full of toys and a few loose, ~10 board games, 2 3-shelf bookcases of books to share. In their bedrooms they each have a collection of a dozen stuffed animals, a large plastic tote with personal toys, and maybe 2-3 other larger toys. I think kids meal toys, trinkets from prizes, events, schools, appointments, Mini’s, or any of that stuff…it adds up really quickly.
Carrie says
Anyone who comes to my house would think my kids have no toys. We have the basics (wooden blocks, cardboard brick blocks, cars and trucks, train set) and a handful of puzzles, legos, play dough, and learning activities that come out regularly. We do have a book collection that is huge. We have no tv and the kids have never been on the computer. We have two boys, 4 and 6. They have no problem keeping themselves entertained. They also spend a great deal if time outside no matter the weather. (We are planning a walk in a few minutes and it is pouring down rain).
I work hard with them to understand that we don’t buy a lot because we don’t need it, plastic toys break easily, and a lot of toys at the store don’t align with what we want to spend are time around. I make carefully crafted Amazon wish lists for Christmas that include no toys.
This year they are getting razor scooters, a magnetic bulletin board, a ton of books (all from goodwill) and a few random stockings stuffers (work gloves, electric toothbrushes). Usually they get outdoor gear (last year Santa brought ski poles for snowshoeing). We have a few grandparents that don’t get it and still buy things that don’t work for us. We talk about it with the kids and either it is played for for a while than brought to the consignment shop (where they can pick something else or get more books) or it is returned and the money goes towards something that they’ve been saving towards.
We have stopped exchanging Christmas gifts with our siblings and only do gifts with one cousin who is an only child.
And I’ll confess this was the first year we bought a child a birthday gift. Our 6 year old got a climbing harness. They have never even noticed.
Nan says
Oh my- awesome! I’m a granny who listens to her kids wishes- no toys at all because they have small apartments/houses.I give all a $100 check or crisp bill and a book and everyone seems quite happy. I give the same for birthdays. My youngest daughter had a lot- way too many toys which I passed on to a neighbor’s niece. She was so grateful she gave me a Toys R Us GC which I donated LOL. I have to say youngest daughter is not the least spoiled even though she had a lot- she was 12 years younger than her 2 older siblings and her dad and I were very comfortable financially. So toys really don’t necessarily make for a greedy adult but that $$ could help someone else. There are a lot of folks struggling due to no fault of their own. My kids are smart and all are college educated- what an advantage.
Jennifer Meyer says
This will probably sound mean, but we’ve never bought our son a gift. Birthday, Christmas, anything. He is so spoiled by everyone else that our house is full of plastic crap and I refuse to add to it. As it is we have to take a trip to the consignment store before the holidays to make room. I have asked people to either not give gifts or to gift experiences, but they like to gift toys and see their faces light up. I totally get it though because I used to spoil my niece and nephew the same way spending $100 on each for Christmas and their birthdays. Starting this year I’m gifting experiences. I took my nephew to Rebounderz and the movies for his birthday and we did chuckecheese for my niece’s birthday. For Christmas my niece is getting a purse and my nephew a wallet and I’m splitting giftcards between the 2 for Rebounderz again, Sweet Frog, and the local consignment shop to support small business and let them pick out school clothes or just go shopping. I feel like as a society we’ve majorly lost the true spirit of Christmas. It’s just about more more more and bigger and better.
Linda Sand says
When I was three years old my mother bought me a dress for the first time. Family had bought so many she didn’t feel she should spend money on dresses before but she finally said, “This is MY daughter and I’m going to buy her a dress!”
Deborah says
Thank goodness the kids are grown and don’t have to deal with this now!
I definitely used my own childhood experience as a guide to the types of toys to
buy for gifts. The toys that I saw on Tv and supposedly did amazing things were always a disappoint…My favorite toys were my Barbies which I played with like “American Girl” dolls. I made them quilts and rugs,
They went on adventures on plastic horses and rode in shoe boxes across the prairie. The other “toys” I played with were dress up clothes. Old formals, Prairie dresses and bonnets my mom made were the favorite games we played.
My boys loved Brio/thomas the tank engine wood Trains. These would keep their attention for hours.
My girls liked crafts, dress-up and American Girl Dolls and doll houses. Stick with quality and avoid the plastic junk is my suggestion.
jennifer says
I am curious about the statistic that “the average american child gets 70 new toys a year”. I’ve learned (in college) that stats are often misrepresented in media (not you, Mavis, but media outlets that report on these things). The quote here is not that children in the US get an average of 70 toys, but that the average child gets 70. That’s not necessarily the same thing. And “average” doesn’t always refer to a mathematical mean. So it’s hard to tell what the original study found.
I only bring it up because, like Mavis, I’m incredulous that any child would get that many new toys in a year! Mine certainly didn’t…except for the one single year that the house burned down. That year they got whatever they wanted and many things they didn’t even think of. And if they’d only gotten 10 or 20 toys that year, they’d probably have loved them all the more!
Practical Parsimony says
My daughter lived in NYC in a small apartment. She refused to let in-laws buy toys for her child. She wanted clothes with gift receipt. They all did what she wanted. She did let mother-in-law buy presents but she asked what he would like. Daughter did not want a place where she could not walk and toys were stacked up. It seems he did play with what he had. Also, my daughter wanted to have the pleasure of toy shopping and she knew what kinds of things he liked.
Angela D. says
Mavis, this is a very timely post for me. I grew up in a family that showered the children with toys, it was my norm. When we had our first child, 20 years ago, my husband was shocked by the toys we received from my side of the family, as that behavior was not what he grew up experiencing. Now, two more kids and 20 years after the birth of my first, my family DEMANDS to know what to buy my kids for each holiday, as they can’t remember what they’ve previously purchased! We’ve saved most of the quality toys over the years, and used them for each child. When I walk the aisles of any toy department I can see that we’ve had almost every.single.toy gifted to our children. Some were good, some were junk–but there’s very little that we haven’t tried. Each holiday, especially Christmas, produces negative feelings for me: the demands from my family for a detailed list of what they will purchase, and co-ordinating who will purchase what, so that there aren’t any duplicates. It is certainly time consuming to make returns/exchanges. Having two different family members gift a child a duplicate item results in those family members feeling sad that their gift wasn’t an original, and I get blamed. This is true even if my children are gracious and appreciative–not exclaiming, “I already HAVE one of these!” My family has no idea of the physical labor it has taken us to manage all of these toys for 20 years, occasionally re-gifting, donating and continually rotating them into use. Sometimes, we have tears to deal with, as our kids think we are mean when we give away their belongings. It has been exhausting and we are in so deep that any changes I try to make fall on deaf ears; my family wonders why I am a Grinch each year!
Lisa Millar says
Wow… this was a really interesting read and no wonder you find Christmas exhausting!
It seems a real pity. How great would it be if everyone listened – put in a pot of $ so your kids could choose to save or spend on an experience or future goals.
We don’t have children and often it is hard to know what to get for our nephews/nieces – at least I listen to their parents advice 🙂
I never thought of an added stress at Christmas ‘co-ordinating’ what people are giving or getting. Nightmare! Usually there is enough to think of without that!
Good luck this Christmas!
E in Upstate NY says
To those who gift experiences, may I add to something? When the child does the experience, keep a picture or a memento of that experience. Come next Christmas, make or purchase a tree ornament that is tied to that experience and gift it with the year on it. Ex: train trip experience, a train ornament. With the picture or memento, start a memory book of the experiences. Write something you remember about the experience, who joined you, special places you saw getting there, new foods you may have eaten, all rounding out the experience.
Through the years, you are building that child’s experience memory with the ornament [which is brought out, put on tree, then put away for next year.] The memory book becomes a record of that child’s youth that will be appreciated later in life.
Lisa Millar says
I really like this idea. Very cool
Mavis Butterfield says
I LOVE this idea E from Upstate New York!! 🙂
Jamie says
Already commented, but was just thinking of my brothers family. His youngest has downs syndrome and had leukemia the last few years. Every time she is admitted to the hospital all 5 kids in the family are given gifts from some kind of charity. My mother went to stay with them for a few months to help out. She loves to have lots of treasures aka clutter at her house, but was overwhelmed by all the toys at my brothers house. She said it looked like an episode of hoarders in the kids rooms because of the excess toys and made it hard for the family to function. They really could have used money or gift cards for gas, groceries, hotel by the hospital, etc. much more than crazy amounts of toys.
Lace Faerie says
Our children are grown and married. We were blessed with our first grandchild a week before Thanksgiving. When our children were small. They wrote letters to Santa and we encouraged to add one wish. Santa brought one gift, what they asked for, if possible. Mama and Daddy usually gave a group gift like a basketball hoop. Each were given a basketball and a warm-up jacket in the school colors. One big year, they each got a differently colored Game Boy. But that was not the norm. We felt extravagant if we spent $50 on each child.
Two of my sisters stuck to the 3 gifts rule. One book, one article of clothing and one wished-for gift. One sister’s in-laws thought a suitcase full of unwrapped toys, an expensive designer clothing item and something electronic was fair game.That year they had to chose from the suitcase, one toy to give away for a friend’s birthday party gift, one toy put away for Toys For Tots next year and one to keep. The rest were returned. I admired the way they stuck to their guns and told the grandparents exactly what they had done. Eventually they got the message.
I was one of those Mom who regularly rotated toys when the kids were little. I also put toys left out after being asked to pick them up into a 30 day time out. If the item was never asked for again it went away without ever bringing it to their attention. As they reached school age, extra chores could buy a forgotten item out of lock down.
These days we draw names for us adults. Eventually, we will have to decide what guidelines to set for ourselves as grandparents. I like my older sister’s example of giving experiences to their grandchildren like Imaginarium or science center memberships and a small handmade item or a dress made by Nana.
As I look back, the most played with gifts were Mega Blocks, Legos and a large set of wooden blocks. Cities were built from those!
Our sole infant granddaughter will be gifted an item for her room that came from the baby shower registry. A book and most importantly, I will write a letter to her and tell her of the day of her birth and the joy she brought to our whole family!
Sarah says
We do stocking stuffers and one big(ish) gift for our immediate family. Last year we got a puppy. This year we’re gifting tickets for us all to attend a big concert together in a few months. The kids (ages 8 and 5) are gifting two things to each other; basically a book and a game.
Last week we did a “Kon Mari” style purge of toys. Every single toy was put in the living room, broken toys were tossed and all were ordered by category. Only the most loved things were kept and the rest were given to loving homes via our Buy Nothing Group. All the excess was gone within 48 hours–glorious! And now we wait for the deluge of grandparent gifts.
PS Mavis–if you haven’t looked into https://buynothingproject.org I think it’s right up your alley.
Jenny Young says
An empty nester here but I’ll be babysitting my first grandchild beginning in January. I am determined not to buy toys. I have bought a lot of books, a weakness I’ve had all my life but I’m so looking forward to spending time in the woods, the garden, the kitchen, ect with my grandchild for daily play. I plan to follow my mom’s rule for gift giving when I was growing up: 1. Something we really want 2. Something to do with your hands 3. Something to read.
I already have saved a few of my son’s favorite toys that I’ll pull out at appropriate ages. We also plan to give investments as birthday & holiday gifts. I hope I can stick to my guns when that pleading look comes out….or maybe I’ll be super lucky & won’t have a little whiner. My son never asked for things in the stores so hopefully that’s a trait that gets passed down!
Jess says
My son has too many toys and yes, I buy him too many. I’ll admit it. I have purged some already and plan to do more, but either my son is around and sees something I’ve moved and decide he wants it or it’s something he’s a little too big for, but I think oh well, I may have another kid in the next year or two so maybe I should keep it. I really just need to figure out a time alone when I can get rid of things. He is spoiled I know. But being spoiled doesn’t necessarily make you a brat and I do try to stress about being appreciative, etc. He did ask Santa for a box of cereal this year so hopefully we doing something right there. He gets gifts for Christmas, his birthday, sometimes just random times because. I think a big part of it is that the husband and I grew up seriously dirt poor and a lot or nice presents were just something we were never given as children and we want our son to have it. And he does have health issues and has been through some hard things in his short life already and I guess it just makes me feel like he deserves it maybe? Hard to explain. He does also receive gifts from grandparents and aunts/uncles. On my side he is the only boy and it had been 10 years since the last grandkid so he’s the baby. My mom will frequently buy him clothing but mostly keeps the toys to Christmas and birthdays. As she says she is now in the position where she can buy him things so she will (referring to us being little and her not able to).