I found an NPR article the other day {I know, shocking that I was perusing through NPR, right?} that talked about the importance of HOW you ask a kid to help out around the house. It made me wonder if any of you have “tricks” up your sleeve when getting kids to help out. I never bribed my kids and always talked to them like adults, even when they were little. It totally worked for me, but I know there is not a one size fits all sort of approach.
The article suggested that kids respond better when they are given a talk about the importance of being a “helper” versus helping. When it comes time to request a chore, you are supposed to say, “Can you be a helper and do {fill in the blank}?” versus asking them to help you out. I can see where little ones would thrive on being called a “helper.” The article even says that it makes them feel like a good person when they are a helper.
Interestingly, the same article mentioned that it is not a good idea to use this mentality when dealing with skill-based tasks. For example, calling a kid a “good drawer” makes them harsher critics on themselves when they produce a bad piece of art.
The whole psychological game of how you word phrases seems exhausting to me, honestly. BUT, that doesn’t mean I don’t think it could yield results. So, I guess I am asking YOU, do you choose your words carefully when you want kids to do something for you? Do you use any other methods like rewards, privileges, or cold-hard cash?
~Mavis
Cecily says
We used http://www.myjobchart.com when our children were little and it worked well for us. We could list chores with a point value for each one and a list of rewards that could be redeemed with the points. There were categories for giving, saving and spending. It helped to teach them the importance of sharing what they had and saving for a larger reward.
OneHundredDollarsAMonth.com says
That sounds cool!
Marcy says
We tried to raise our kids with a team mentality when it came to caring for our home. From the time they were very small, we were Team Lastname, and we worked and played together. When they were little, I’d tell them to help me with x so we could do y together sooner; when x was done, I made sure we did y as soon as possible, so they could connect the chore and the reward in their mind.
Both kids are grown now and they seem to be doing well, so I think this worked for us.
OneHundredDollarsAMonth.com says
That sounds like a super logical method. And it’s great to hear it worked for you. It’s hard because you really never know until their grown!
Donna Jantzer says
Right now I am totally enjoying the benefits of having a Boy Scout who is earning his Family Life merit badge. He made his own list of 6 chores, and needs to keep a chart for himself for 6 weeks. He does chores with a smile. But before this, I would get the eye rolling and the ‘I’ll do it later’ comments. You just have to be consistent, and I was really never very good at that, though this time around, I have really tried to do better. I also believe it is important to be grateful for their ‘help’. Make them a valuable part of the family, and they have an investment in it working well.
Julie says
I kind of treat it like running a company. If you have a company with 4 employees, you aren’t going to do all the work while the other 3 sit around and do nothing. You cannot do it all on your own. You need help. Delegating age appropriate tasks works at our house. I make the dinner and the little one sets the table, for example. Sometimes I sit down with my husband and tell him, “I need your help getting x, y, and z done.” He definitely steps up to the plate. I guess it is in how you ask. I never say, “you need to get off your rear and do something you lazy bum.” 😀
OneHundredDollarsAMonth.com says
I suspect you get much better results than the “lazy bum” reference would get you!
Carrie says
I don’t believe you should ask your child. It is not a choice. I usually say, “I need you to empty the dishwasher.” If you ask, you make it seem as if they don’t really need to do it. It works for me…
rachel says
I completely agree. My mom never asked us either, she’d say exactly what you do, “I need you to . . . ” and we just knew that being part of a family meant that you did it. No questions allowed. I don’t like this mentality of tip-toeing around kids so we don’t hurt their feelings or make them do something they don’t like doing.
OneHundredDollarsAMonth.com says
Good point!
Jyl says
I always said, “Would you please —–(whatever).” My mother felt that saying please and thank you taught the child to say please and thank you. It worked for her and it worked for me. I also understood it wasn’t a choice since we were a family and my children knew that. But it also allows for some freedom as in “I did it three night in a row. How about my brother and I switch jobs tonight?” They learn fairness and even some negotiating skills. As long as they don’t ever think the answer is “No. I don’t want to.”
The trick is to find what works and then stick with it.
OneHundredDollarsAMonth.com says
Yep. Teach by example! So much easier said than done for me!
Ellen in Clackamas says
When I was growing up (in the old days as my kids would say!) we lived on a farm and there were chores to do. No body was asked, it was just expected. times are different now and not so many folks live on farms but I think everyone who lives in the house should do their share and think encouraging them to be helpers sounds like the best way.
OneHundredDollarsAMonth.com says
Some of the hardest working people I know were raised on farms!
Becka says
When my children were little we had a chart that was a “wheel” with a metal brad in the middle and the chores rotated weekly. We also rotated seats in the car weekly so that no one was always in the dreaded middle seat all the time. 🙂 This worked well for us. As the children got older we found that there were certain chores that they enjoyed more and we tried to assign those chores to them when possible. (Examples: our son loves trimming bushes and one daughter actually liked cleaning bathrooms.)
OneHundredDollarsAMonth.com says
Liked cleaning bathrooms? Want to send her my way?
Martha says
LOL! We have three boys and we have to rotate which bed they sleep in because no one wants to sleep on the top bunk! When I was a kid we also rotated our place at the dinner table because each place had a specific job attached to it (getting out whatever was forgotten from the fridge like ketchup, answering the phone or the door, running to the basement freezer for ice cream, getting additional cutlery or plates, etc.) For some reason, rotating makes it all fair!
Nancy says
I didn’t “ask” any of my eight to help. My kids grew up with if you were “asked” you have an option to decline whatever. Everyone had three jobs a day- one in the early morning (before school), one in the afternoon (after school) and one in the early evening (usually before dinner or just after). Each job took the person no more than 15-20 minutes max. I announced “job time” and everyone, including me, did our jobs. Work with you kids don’t just tell them to do something. Btw I still get compliments on how my kids help others at their workplaces, neighbors, etc. and they range in ages 20-42.
Kamiko says
The first time my mom had me wash dishes i was 8, and couldn’t even reach the sink since i was small for my age., she filled the sink with hot scalding water, there were too many dishes, and i didn’t know what to do. she came back an hour later and i was still there, she took down my pants and blistered me until i could not sit down. i was given grown up chores too soon, and at times too many. if us kids didn’t finish our chores before we went to bed, they would wake us up at 3am, punish us and make us finish them before we could go back to bed or have anything to eat. By the time i was 11 i was washing and drying dishes, doing my own laundry, cooking my own meals, due to my mother working the graveyard shift, and there was no one to help us. Now i hate housework, and take my sweet old time getting it done too! when my girlie was young, i asked her to help put away toys, that was it.