I know that working outside the home versus staying at home is an age-old debate. There are always two camps, each firm in their beliefs. In light of an article I just read, I wanted get your opinion from a different perspective on the subject.
The article stated that a recent study found that mothers that worked full time {as opposed to part time or not at all} were actually healthier, both mentally and physically, than those who didn’t. The study tested participants’ {men and women} saliva throughout the day, looking for elevated cortisol levels {the stress hormone}, and found that they were higher during home life than work life. The article suggested that perhaps the lower stress at work comes from a defined set of expectations and the idea that you could always quit if things got too bad {whereas quitting family life is usually not an option}.
I’m not really interested in starting a debate over which choice is “right,” I really just wanted to hear what YOU thought about the idea that work is a bit of escape from the stresses of family life. For those of you that work full time, do you find it is a stress reliever? Do you find you are less stressed when you get home after working versus the days where you are at home all day long with the kiddos and hubby? I can totally see how having something of “your own” would lead to a more fulfilled human being, but I also have always wondered how working moms manage to get everything done without pulling their hair out.
So, what do you think? Is work a stress-reliever? I would love your honest opinions!
~Mavis
Patty P says
ooohhhh….This is a difficult one. As a teacher, I get the best of both worlds. During the school year, I admit, that even though I work my you-know-what off at school, sometimes it’s a nice “vacation” from being at home. However, when I have classes like I did this past year, I felt like a kid saying, “Don’t make me go to school!” I love my summers….being able to tinker on what I need to do around the house (canning, gardening, that type of thing…) and I also have my own school projects that I work on too (some required, and some not). I also love to be able to stay up reading or working on one of my projects late at night (when the house is the quietest). But let me tell you, when the end of August rolls around, I am super excited to go back to work and do what I love to do! I think as far as stress goes, I’m somewhat stressed either way….the stresses are just different (ie “Do I have everything I need to do this lesson?” or ” I wonder how this meeting will go?” versus “I really have to get out to weed the garden but it won’t stop raining!” or “My jelly is almost done and I don’t think I got enough jars ready!”)
JoAnn C. says
No doubt about it, I’m less stressed when I have a good balance between work and home. I’m a much happier mommy when I have work time to do something else, use my mind in a different capacity and then come home and hit the ground running with kid and home chores.
Sharon says
Guess it depends on the work environment, and whether you have a “career” vs. job – i.e., something you actually enjoy/chose to do vs. working solely for the paycheck. If you work in a “cube farm” for a large corporation as I do, I definitely find it more stressful. Still, you are dealing with that same raging toddler mentality oftentimes at work; it just the toddlers here are a lot meaner and have far nastier weapons 🙂 !!!!!!!
Crystal says
LOL that is to funny
Crystal says
You know I have worked outside the home at points and I find that the stresses are different but they still exist. I stay at home full time now and homeschool so I don’t know really I view what I’m doing as my job, and I work on them at set times. That may make a difference. I don’t think I was happier when I worked I was MUCH more stressed about if my working was actually contributing and I had to PAY a babysitter and that was stressful but that was back when I only had two kids now I have 6 🙂 I try and run my house like I would a job and I have to say I still get met with some unrealistic expectations for the “clients” and honestly have to say, I just really don’t care LOL I am very happy at home and wouldn’t trade my job for less stress or more money. I chose my job and really what ever research says it says! I’m happy with me!!! and THAT is the secret you have to be HAPPY with what choice you make!!! If you are happy working GREAT, don’t let anyone else define you 😀
Madam Chow says
I now work from home. Much happier. My work outside the home was very, very high stress.
Laurie G says
I’ve done both. I was at home with my three kiddos for 17 years. I went back to work full time when the youngest was 10. My husband was self-employed and we needed the health benefits (plus the added benefit of a retirement plan). When I was home I loved, Loved, LOVED it. I was super busy with service clubs, community service, kids sports, music, theater, cheer, etc. When they were all in school full time I had part time employment doing creative things working for an interior designer but setting my own schedule. I also helped out at their school weekly. FUN! Working full time has never been “fun” for me. I’m good at what I do and am paid well but it is STRESSFUL! Trying to juggle their events, the commute, the hours at work was ICK and double ICK! At this season of my life I have my 91 year old mother who has lived with us for 9 years. Give me a room full of toddlers any day! Old people are tough to live with. I’m almost afraid to be home again yet, I’m looking forward to retirement next year when I can pursue my creative interests again and have time to garden, walk the dogs, have coffee with girlfriends, etc. I’m still trying to find a balance in life *sigh*.
Veronica says
I had to work to support my three kids after my husband left. Gotta say that being a stay at home Mom isn’t about the Mom – it’s about the kids!
Farm Girl says
Work is by no means a stress relief for me. I would love to stay home, but I bring home the majority of the bacon and all of the health benefits (which are excellent and that is saying a lot these days) so quitting isn’t an option. I still try to squeeze in gardening, canning, sewing, family, etc. My job is high stress and my home life is stressed trying to get it all done in the few hours I have at night, in the morning, and on weekends.
Marie says
Gosh, there are so many variables to this debate. Depending on the ages/ stages of your family correlates to your decisions about how you work. I would never have been able to trade my nursing babies, our gardens or sleepless nights for my career. But then I would have been filled with remorse when having to shake my head once again when refusing to provide the more expensive items to my kids during their teenage years. Do what your heart tells you to do. Work outside of the home and/or work at home. Really, it’s all work for both mom &dad. Just because you decide to stay at home now, work outside the home now or try to do both- remember you are the only one who knows if you are truly happy. Instilling values, a solid work ethic and the good ‘ol “money doesn’t grow on trees” knowledge for our next generation is what parenting is all about. Taking responsibility for how we mold our families is huge and there will never be a book, magazine article or blog that is a 100% fit for everyone so listen to your heart. Money isn’t everything.
Susan says
I think the happiest moms are the ones whoa are able to work part-time, especially if they are able to be their own bosses. It gives the mind a break, gives her something to talk about besides (what most people perceive as) the mundane, and provides extra money. I work a few hours a week and those hours are the least stressful of my day for sure! I would not want to do it full time though. I like the balance.
Maria says
I have a very different take on this, I think….. My work life isn’t nearly as stressful as taking care of a hubby, a moody teen, and 3 very noisy and messy toddlers! Work has stressful moments, and my hour commute each way is ridiculous and can be VERY stressful in the mornings. But staying home and managing the kids, the house, the laundry, the shopping, cooking, cleaning, the garden, and the animals on VERY limited hours every week….INCREDIBLY STRESSFUL!!!! So of course my home life is stressful!
But here is the flip side that the article didn’t touch on….work may be less stressful…..but its INCREDIBLY UNSATISFYING! There is very little reward in working in a cube farm knowing you are completely replaceable in eyes of your company, and doing the same thing day in and day out.
My home life is stressful because it ISN’T my full time job. I can’t put all my love and effort into it like I desire. I’ve wanted to be a stay at home for over 15 years. If being a stay at home was my full time job, I guarantee I would be one happy -and satisfied- camper even if it carried more stress!!!!!
Vickie Gross says
My three sons go away to college this fall and I will miss them. I have been fortunate to stay home with them and don’t regret a minute of it. I don’t know how moms who work outside the home do it all? But now after all these years what job will I do? I don’t know but will take some time to figure it out.
Jenn says
I have to agree that there are different stressors for each situation. First off let me put it out there that I don’t have kids yet, but when I do, I would like to be a stay at home mom. I used to have a job working for the state and Monday through Friday I was married to it. It was very high stress and no matter how hard I tired, I sometimes brought the work stress home with me. I never had time for much else. I didn’t have a garden back then so there was no gardening or time to garden even if I had wanted to. Fast forward 3 years later and I got laid off which turned out to be a Godsend. I lost 5 family members including both of my parents during the time that I was laid off. My job became cleaning my parents house out and all the jobs that come when you are trying to get someones estate closed. After all of that was finished, I didn’t want to go back to work and my hubby had gotten used to me being home. I started keeping my nephew, bought a new house, started a garden, adopted 3 puppies to go along with our 3 grown “boys” and I have started the canning/freezing all of our garden goodies. The stress is very different from that I had when I was working. I work my butt off but in an entirely different way. I keep our house cleaned, do laundry, cook you name it and at then end of the day, I still have enough energy to sit down and read my book at the end of the day. I am happier than I have ever been but there are also those days when I run around in circles and don’t get anything done. Then the hubby comes home and asks, why didn’t you do this or that and I sometimes just stare at him and tell him why doesn’t he stay home tomorrow and I’ll go to work for him.
Mary G says
I’m honestly not sure. I’ve done both, but when my daughter was a baby and I’d finished my leave, I worked mornings in an office. We weren’t in a position for me to be at home full time and most of the time I appreciated having a stretch of time when I could be doing something that I felt competent at. As a new mom, I didn’t always feel that way. I just worked mornings, so I came home with my daughter at lunchtime and spent the rest of the day with her. Being able to focus on something without interruptions was good for me, I think, and maybe it reduced some stress. After my son was born, I only worked a short while in an office before working part time from home. In some ways, that was more stressful because it was hard to achieve the separation.
Marcia says
Hmmm…I feel that having a stay at home parent is overall less stressful for the family – for many reasons. Someone at home to handle chores – cooking, dishes, laundry, letting in the plumber, changing the oil in the car, going to the bank, doing the grocery shopping. And interacting with the kids. The amount of chores you get done depends greatly on the age, temperament, and number of kids. But anyway, this leaves more time at night and on weekends for family time. If you can afford it.
On the other hand, actually physically being at work is way easier than being at home, at least for the ages I am familiar with, which is 0 to 8. I work full time (used to be part time). My overall life is stressful, but while I’m at work I can eat and pee when I want. Of course, lately, my work life has been so awful I have considered quitting.
I have a hard time sometimes seeing my friends though. Because of the natural division in time for SAHP and WP. The SAHMs meet at parks, the zoo, the museums with the toddlers 1-3 times a week, and are generally (not always) not interested in getting together on weekends or in the evening. Compared to WM’s.
Jen J says
I work a full time position for a large corporation, but I work from a home office. Sometimes I feel like it it doubles the stress… I’m “home” so my family thinks I should do things for them/the house, but really I’m working and can’t be disturbed. Would love to hear how others in the same position feel.
Beth says
Well, I can tell you that I loathed working outside the home before I had kids. Went through a variety of different jobs. Working at the preschool was the best, but accounting and my work as a “counselor” for “troubled teens” were both completely horrible. I actually had PTSD after working with the troubled teens – no joke. Now I stay home with three kids, and while it’s not always rainbows and lollipops, it’s not really too bad. My day is varied and challenging. I like being able to work with my whole body in lifting things, walking around, etc, where I felt partially dead when I had a desk job. Since I quit work to stay home with the kids, I’ve had a lot of opportunities to grow and learn a lot of new skills and it has brought me much satisfaction. Maybe I would feel differently if I had ever held the dream job from Shangri-la, but I never did. My training is in Middle Eastern Studies and Arabic translation, and I have never held a real job in my field. Even if one were to be offered me now, I would probably turn it down. Given the choice, I would rather put up with the poopy diapers and constant whining from my 2-year-old than sit in an office all day, no matter what I was doing. But that’s just me.
I know my husband doesn’t particularly enjoy his own desk job (he’s a programmer) but family life stresses him out, too. The truth is that he is not as good at it as I am.
Jaime says
I got my first year of teaching under my belt, then stepped out of it to start a family. In my mind, I could always go back, teaching will always be there. While I waited to get pregnant, I got my masters, stayed in the ‘education realm’ to stay up to date, but I have one son, wanted at least one more but that may not happen. I am so glad I stayed home, I don’t think I could have handled working. There were days when a job would have been nice to go to because I think everyone thinks, well she doesn’t work, she can do this. But a few years ago I was thinking that I may never have children, now I have one, and every moment has been special, now he is going into kindergarten ( a whole new word for me, I start crying every time I think of it). I think it depends on the rest of the family, helping out with chores vs. depending on mom to do everything. My husband has been getting an online degree since my son was born, working on one class a semester He comes home from work, spends some time with us then goes to his studies for the rest of the evening. So, I have taken much of the responsibilities of our home, inside and out so he can have the time to do it. He has two more to go thank goodness and so proud of him for the discipline it has taken. When the week gets hectic, I take some ‘time off’. Curl up, read a book for a bit while my son plays or watches TV, etc. But, now that my son is older, I started a preschool in my home which has been fulfilling (but stressful too trying to get my name out, advertising is expensive). So as I look back, I don’t regret staying home at all, in fact, they will be my most treasured moments of my life. I love being that ‘only person in the world’ that can do things just the right way, am so eternally grateful to be a mother and see my son grow and learn and discover. But I’m looking forward to earning some extra income as well, and having more time to myself, being able to hop in the car and go somewhere on my own. I laughed at my husband the other day, came home and complained of having a lot of interruptions that day. I said me too! (5 year old emergencies). Well, that is my view and experience
lisa says
I don’t consider being at work having “something of my own!” I work for the pay check, simple as that.
I think it’s a matter of whether you want to be at work, or you want to stay home. Doing what you don’t want will cause more stress. I stayed home for years and years, homeschooling my children. I would have resented anyone suggesting I was less happy or healthy than if I had worked outside the home! It was very satisfying. I was constantly busy with new things and new experiences.
When you have stress at work, you know you can leave it at the door. Stress at home is something that has to be dealt with, or it lasts. Maybe employees have learned to ignore work stress, just harden themselves to accept it, and therefore don’t react to it.
It would stress me to have my saliva checked, which would skew the results!
Cecily says
I’ve worked outside the home and hated it. There was no satisfaction in working 12 hours a day taking care of someone else’s kids and only seeing my family on the weekends. While I had to do it to help make ends meet it was the worst two years of my life. I have also worked in fast food, as a secretary, a film setter and as a substitute teacher. None of them were satisfying. I like my mundane life as a SAHM and bookkeeper for my husband’s business. I think that if I could work at a nursery part time I would find it less stressful than what I do at home but just thinking about going back to work at any other job makes my blood pressure go up.
Shell says
I have done both. I currently am at home, homeschooling. When I was working full time, I was always on call. I never missed a deadline, but I hated that dreaded word. If you want to make someone unhappy, give them a job that is next to impossible, then tell them the reason they have been chosen is because they are dependable and can do it better than anyone else. There is something to be said for learned helplessness. Those employees rarely get punished for being slackers. Now, if I don’t get the clothes out of the dryer until the next morning, no one is standing over my shoulder saying deadline. Or even more irritating, “I owe you one.” Sometimes it’s not just about the money. It’s the satisfaction you get in making somebody you love ,feel secure and happy.(your family)
Vanessa says
Working a job outside of the home was stressful for me when my children were very young. I constantly felt that I was somehow short-changing them. When I decided to stay at home full-time, I had less emotional stress. It was harder work, and I learned to be more patient and to readjust my priorities. In order to save money, I learned to cook more and budget. It was worth it to me to do without material items, bigger house, newer vehicles, etc. in order to be a stay-at -home mother. I do believe that situations are very individual though. There are variables in my situation that had they been different, I wouldn’t have felt the same.
Kate in NY says
On the surface, I feel I have an ideal situation – I (supposedly) work about 10 to 15 hrs a week from home, and it’s even a job I enjoy (doing sales and marketing for a CSA). But I feel as if actually getting in those hours is proving extremely difficult – there is always laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping, a child home sick from school (and now all 4 of my kids are home for the summer and need rides to camp, work, friends, etc) – there are always phone calls to make and appointments (car needs oil change, forms need dropping off at the school nurse). I know that full-time working moms ALSO get all this stuff done somehow – it’s not like their households have less laundry, or that their kids don’t need food. But I find that it is almost impossible to work from home with the constant sense that I need to do XY or Z first. Maybe some people are just so disciplined that they can literally turn off the household needs while they get down to it. Sadly, I am not one of them. I am just too OCD or something to leave a pile of laundry or dishes in the sink.
Mavis Butterfield says
I am finding I can only sit and “work” for about 15-30 minutes at a time these days because there is so much other stuff going on. Maybe it’s the weather? Or atleast I’m hoping it is.
Kate in NY says
I find I am most productive when I write out a very detailed schedule for myself, the way they do for kindergartners (9:00-9:15 – Sharing Circle, 9:15-930 – reading buddies . . . ). Otherwise, if left up to my own devices, I am distracted by every somewhat less essential chore or errand or phone call that has to be done. I am never lazy – I don’t watch daytime tv in my jammies all day. It’s just that I am bad at shutting out the household tasks when I work at home. I try and give myself a break, though. With 4 kids, a huge old farmhouse, dogs, cats, goats, chickens – there really IS stuff to do all the time around here. I’d imagine that the same is true for you. Or maybe we just need Ritalin.
CathyB says
I think you are right about working from home. When my kids were young, I worked from home doing medical transcription. It seemed like and ideal scenario. But really I felt stressed all the time because there was always work sitting there waiting for me. Whenever I was doing stuff with the family I felt stressed because I knew that more work was building up and whenever I was working I felt guilty because I was ignoring my family. I think that some people are really good about setting a strict work schedule, but it never seemed to pan out for me in real life. I think I am just the type of person that needs to go somewhere else to work and then walk away and leave it and go home.
Mavis says
It really is a double edged sword!
Stacey says
I knew I wanted to respond to this, but have been mulling over how to say it. I was a stay-at-home mom for 14 years, and I home-schooled all three of my children. Later on, I worked part-time, then full-time while going to school. The stay-at-home years were the most stressful, but I wouldn’t have traded them for anything. Looking back, I think what made them most stressful for me was the insulting remarks I would get – from other women, especially those who worked full-time. Apparently they would have done a poor job if they had chosen my path because they thought I didn’t work and probably would have been goof-offs if they did not have an outside job to be accountable to. I always felt that I had to do everything for everyone because I was the one who had the time. I would be much easier on myself if I were to do it all over again! The workers work whether they are at home or elsewhere, and the lazy ones are lazy wherever they are. I was and am a very hard worker, and fill my time being productive no matter where I am. The moral of my story is to support other women in whatever choices they make. A friend who works outside the home would need my support in different ways than I would need hers. Be there for each other.
Stacey says
I meant to say more than I would have needed hers then. I currently work a full-time plus job, and love it, though I wish I had more time for things like making great meals.
Maxine says
I agree with the comments about choice. If it’s a coice you choose or was it forced on you determines the stress. But to answer your question about how working full-time moms mostly outside the home and getting it all done, we don’t. Sometimes you get up early on a Saturday and weed the entire garden, noticing what you didn’t have to pick during the week. You trade off taxi duties with other parents and sometimes you miss a game or recital, and my house is NEVER as clean as I’d like, but I do stay pretty organized, buy in bulk and stock up ahead of time so there are rarely last minute trips anywhere. However, I have also purposely kept my career on a slower path to enjoy my family. When my daughter heads off to college I may ramp up. There is stress in not “Leaning In”, but I have been able to make these choices and I’m happy as is my family.
I would say we need both paths. Working moms working with SAHMs usually make the best neighborhoods, but if there was only one choice for our daughters, we’d maked lousy role models.
Mavis says
I love your take on it and I think you’re so right. I suspect both the SAHM and the mom working outside the home provide a great balance to each other. And we are so lucky that there are both options!
Jan says
I felt blessed I was able to stay with my three sons. The oldest was 13 and youngest was 9 when I re entered the job world. That was a longtime ago. One year ago I retired from working for a doctor. I worked the front desk for 15 years. I am much less stressed now. Working with the public just got worse every day. I do not miss it at all. I am babysitting my youngest grandson who is 13 months old. So I am back to the stay at home mom role. I enjoy every minute of it. Age also helps you know how short they are little. I wouldn’t change a thing I felt I had the best of both worlds.
Laurie says
I think that each of us need to make our own choice to work outside the home full-time, part-time or stay at home based on our individual situation. I have worked full-time and part-time and stayed at home briefly on maternity leave and because of a lay-off. I believe the terms “working mom” and ” SAHM” should be banished from our vocabulary. ALL moms work- it’s just different work, the same as there are different career fields. No one option is better or worse for everyone as a group. Personally, my temperament, interests, and goals are more suited to being a stay at home spouse. And I eagerly anticipate that day when it is a reality.
Danielle says
I’ve done both, and I hate how this always turns in an us vs them debate :/ both are hard, both have ups and downs.
Your partner and support system plays 100% into whether it’s a successful situation or not. I think SAHMs who are not appreciated and valued will feel stressed esp if there are financial issues being on one income.
Being at work gives you the opportunity to be around adults and be your own person and bring in a paycheck- but again, if you partner doesn’t help with chores/picking up kids from daycare etc, you will be stressed out.
Just my 2 cents. I love staying home with my kids, but I feel almost trapped with another 1 on the way. Just my experience though.