Yesterday as I was driving home, I took a wrong turn and ended up in a residential area. As I was rounding the corner to get back on the right track, I drove by 3 young boys, all about 10 years old or so and walking down the street.
I smiled at first.. thinking how cool is that? Buddies out on an adventure or something. And then as I drove past them, I noticed they all had their heads down, and they were staring at their phones, and my heart sunk a little.
I’m so glad I grew up in a time where the only screen in front of my face was the Saturday morning cartoons, or a little playtime on the Atari {that is if my brother wasn’t around and I could actually sneak a game in}.
I so glad I grew up without social media, without the internet, without the mindless content that is constantly being shoved in my face as soon as I turn something on.
As far as technology goes, I’ll take the advances made in medicine. But everything else? I wish I could box it up and send it back.
And I can’t be the only one.
Right?
What about you? Would you send it all back if you could? And if not, what would you keep?
~Mavis
Sue says
Absolutely in a heart beat, it breaks my heart to see everyone glued to a screen of some kind.
My grandchildren come for a visit and never talk or look up and just be here.
Saddest thing is all the things they are missing.
Gina says
I too am glad I grew up without all this. I could easily do without it all. Just give me my books.
Sharon says
1000% agree!
Katie says
Yes, books are my favorite! I had a “book” account for about a year when I was on instagram because one of my best friends had one also. It was a second account I kept up with. I would post pictures and reviews of all the books I read. But it just got to be so much. By the end of that time, I’d finish a book and internally go “ugh, now I have to figure out when I’m going to take a picture and write a review”. But once I gave up instagram and that book account I felt so much freer. No more pressure to do something I kinda didn’t care about at all.
Jeanie H says
I have to admit that I love it for myself. I like to keep in touch with cousins who live far away with it…otherwise I just would probably have no relation with them and they are my only extended family. However, I think it is useful in small doses. I like to read your blog on Facebook, I like to follow businesses I like on Facebook, I like to look at pretty pictures on Instagram when I’m in a waiting room or just sitting around. Other than that, I think kids should be banned from it. It’s so addictive.
Kathy says
I agree, my sentiment exactly.
Nan says
Unfortunately we can’t have it both ways so I try to limit myself when it comes to social media. I read a few blogs and like to look at photos. I really enjoy having a cell phone though and being able to research something in a minute. I just watched the 3 part series on pbs Hemingway and wanted to read more about him. Voila- all kinds of information at my fingertips. A parent does have a responsibility to limit screen time though for the kids- themselves too!
Brianna says
I agree, I sometimes wait after school for my kids and so many of them leave the school building with their heads in a phone. My kids are pleading for a phone because everybody in their class has one. They are K, 4th, 6th. I think it is too young, their brains are developing and they need to be in tune with themselves and their senses, not a phone. I would love to get rid of it. I am researching deer resistant landscaping right now, but I find myself getting sidetracked online and 30 minutes becomes an hour. People cannot just ‘wait’ anymore, hey all have their heads looking at a screen. It kills me to see a family go out to eat together and the parents or all of them have a head to the screen, what is the point of a social meal together? It is a digital leash.
Kate says
Stand strong with waiting for a phone for your kids. We waited until ours were 13 yrs old and have no regrets. The younger ones want to be like their friends, but their brains will thank us later. And we have some house rules for the kids who do have one: Time limits, not in bedrooms, parental rights to access anything on their device,etc.
Jules says
We just got a Gabb phone for our 15 yr old. It looks like a smart phone but it’s not. Talk, text, camera, calendar are on it but no internet. So glad we did this, just wish we had known about it with our older kids
Crystal K says
I love some parts of social media where I can keep in touch with family and friends that I have made over the years. It comes down to limiting yourself, teaching your kids how to interact without unlimited hours of media, and making time that is media free. Dinner at our house is a no phone zone and when we go out as a family we do the same. Neither of my kids have social media accounts and the teen only has a phone for calling and texting. Honestly its a love hate relationship.
Daria says
My son is 10 and we limit screen time. The pandemic has been tough, as he really can’t visit friends easily, but we do let him use apps for that, and with remote schooling, screen time has been invaluable. However, we make sure he plays outside, reads books, and practices a lot of music – my husband is a musician and the kid can play 6 instruments. His favorite is drums… of course.
I probably spend too much on, because I am in front of a screen all day at work and check in plenty. So, I should do better.
Like sugar cereal, social media is part of this complete breakfast. Make sure you eat the healthy food first, then if you’re still really hungry, you can have a few Cocoa Pebbles.
Robin in WI says
I’m with you. I’m 52 and am very glad my childhood was outdoor fun, paper-based reading, and TV, not social media and smartphones (we could do without the bizarre fashion and home decor of the ’70s and ’80s 😉 ). Although as a deaf kid (from age 6 on), today’s technology would have been fantastic. But I’d still choose the way it was then.
JoAnn Moran says
I can’t agree more. I’m older than you, so there were no video game systems either. Boys saved their change and went to the arcade. As a public school teacher, I can tell you that cell phones have destroyed teaching. I’ve been threaten with violence in my classroom asking students to put their phones away. I also think much of the anxiety and mental health issues stem from kid’s exposure to constant social media.
Kris R says
I agree. This is my experience too.
Katie says
This is a subject heavy on my heart as I raise my four kids. The oldest is 5 now, so I have many years left before we’re talking cell phones and social accounts. We already watch very little TV in my house. We don’t even keep the TV out. When we watch something, we set it up on the kitchen island, and then back it goes into another room when we’re done. We do this on purpose and it has been great! My kids love to play, and definitely get cranky if they’ve been watching too much TV lately. But the cell phone and the social media. Oh how I wish we could go without. When myspace and facebook first became a thing (I’ve been on facebook since you had to be invited…) it was just so much fun getting to check in on a physical computer to see if your friends posted something silly on your page or to change your “status” to something funny. 15 minutes and then you were done. But now it’s a TIME SUCK. We as a society are addicted (to media and the phones, mostly the phones) and I am CONVINCED we do not benefit from it. I have gotten rid of instagram and don’t miss it. I rarely post on facebook anymore and would love to get rid of that too. The only thing holding me back is my “mom group” I joined 6 years ago while pregnant with my son and now we have whittled down in size and gotten very close. We lived all over the US and even internationally. So it’s not like I can say hey, let’s just meet at the coffee shop instead. If I leave facebook, I leave behind all of those friends. But I hate so much the amount society is on their phones, and even myself. My husband and I are always trying to keep ourselves in check and think of ways to use it less. We’ve even considered getting a landline to use at home. I just hate the idea of my kids growing up and watching and learning the normalcy of having a phone with you at all times. It’s very painful to hear your child say “Mom can you put your phone away.” Our kids very rarely get to play with other people’s phones, and we are very selective about when they get to and what they can do. We don’t have ipads, and probably never will. But darn it if the little pocket computers aren’t so useful… Google, navigation, banking, email, actually communicating with people, a camera. Like I said, a subject heavy on my heart. I hate to see where we are in just 10 years.
KC says
It might be possible to see if your mom’s group is interested in doing an email chain instead – the email goes to all 15 of you or whatever, and then you each reply-all or reply individually. Some of them may also prefer not-Facebook… or they may shoot the idea down. No clue.
The rest of the screen time issue is a hard thing, though, with so many things being *useful* and not time-sucks on there (GPS, etc.). We still don’t have smart phones (we use “call a friend” for GPS when we get absolutely stuck with no places to ask directions nearby, but that’s only once every four or five years), but it’s rough not being able to reply to group text messages and to not be able to see any of the emoji usage to know whether people are serious or joking… we can opt out of a lot, but there’s a lot of weight pushing towards being part of the systems.
Katie says
There are several of us (in a group of about 60ish) that would love to get off and only stay for the group. It’s been brought up a few times to try to find a way to chat elsewhere, but it’s always been decided No. I know and enjoy all the ladies, we’re a very diverse group, but there’s only a handful I would probably make the effort to keep up with “in real life”. I don’t mean that to be rude or mean, just being very realistic and honest. I’m busy with kids, and work, and just tired. I can barely socialize and keep up with the couple friends I have in my town. It’s definitely easy to just have a group forum to pop in and chat, or to be able to come back to a notification. Sometimes I do think about walking away and trying to keep up with that handful. But I just don’t know how I’d do it. I’m afraid I would eventually lose those friends too.
Meg C says
Katie, I hear you! My 2 are (almost) 10 & (almost) 12 and we struggle with the their desire to be on screens and we struggle with doing our best to model good behavior. I, too, started on FB back when you had to be invited and remember when it was just a quick check-in and just for kicks. Approximately 6 years ago I gave up my FB account. When I am on social media I seem unable to filter the negativity that seems to breed there and I also struggle with not comparing my life to others which leads me down a negative path. I miss some things about it – like seeing what my family is up to – but, overall, I’m healthier mentally & emotionally away from social media than I am when I am on social media. Thank you for your insightful & honest response to Mavis’ question. I definitely believe the world is not a better place for social media and that while it does have bright spots, the bright spots are too often overshadowed by the negativity.
Jennifer says
I don’t do Facebook, Twitter or anything like that, but I love Instagram. 80% of the things I look at are animals or beautiful pictures from locales around the world that I will never visit.
I am guilty of looking at my phone too much, but most of the time I’m playing a game. I use my tablet to read because it’s easier to adjust the font size.
Our kids didn’t get phones until either 12 or 13, so they had plenty of regular kid play. As a side note, when our oldest son came home from college, he and his younger brother, who is living at home taking college classes remotely, would go out and throw the Frisbee for hours.
Lj says
I agree. I feel for these kids who have no idea what they have missed.
Becky S Williams says
I believe it has it’s place. I love my Kindle for books because I can get them immediately and I save trees. Also the lighted page saves my eyes and I can easily prop up it on my belly for in-bed reading. But for my craft books, paper only please. I love FB for my crafting pages, I have learned so much and made contacts with people and shops all over the world that I would never have known without it. And Youtube! Don’t get me started! I take lessons in everything from Yoga to hammered dulcimer on that and I love it. I live in a small town so this type of social media has opened the world for me. I do not game, I have no interest in that, and I do not have children, so no worries there. I believe that at some point we will have parental controls that will allow parents to limit the time children can spend on gaming but only if they demand it. All this is in it’s infancy and we as consumers need to demand the changes we want to see.
eliz says
Send it back. I still have never owned a smartphone and am so glad I grew up without cellphones. It seems we are almost forced into having a smartphone these days.
Margo says
I have my granddaughter before and after school and all day during school breaks. She would spend all day staring at a screen if I let her. So.. I don’t let her. We go outside, go for walks, look for “treasure”, craft, etc. Exhausting for me,but cuts down her time. For me, it’s enabled me to keep in touch, talk to, and see, my grandkids in other states that I can’t visit during the pandemic, and I took virtual tours of Mount Vernon and Monticello last summer as we were not able to travel in 2020. So I think the internet has its place, but we have to take responsibility as to how we use it and how we allow our kids to use it.
Ruth says
Yes Margo!
You are building a relationship with your granddaughter, and maybe teaching her the ancient art of conversation!
This pandemic, we’ve been lucky to keep up with our loved ones virtually.
I’m hooked on technology, but do try to practice moderation.
Katie says
This is amazing! I’m sure she will appreciate it later in life, and what memories! My mom, my mother in law, and our nanny all watch my kids regularly. They do a great job of keeping screen time down and it gives me peace of mind.
Erin says
My kids are 13 and 12 and they will not be allowed a phone until they start driving and even then, we will make them pay for it. Neither of them seem to care, they’re too busy enjoying hobbies and the outdoors.
Lana says
If we did not have a daughter and her family living overseas I would cut it off and never look back. But, Facebook Messenger allows us to communicate with them for free which is priceless. To be able to talk to our grandchildren on Facetime has kept us in their lives and since we have not seen them for 3.5 years that is very important.
KC says
Skype is free (as long as you’re not calling a regular phone line) and allows both chat and video call without having all the rest of the Facebook-y-ness, if you are interested. There are lots of other options, too. It does take both people being “on” a service, though, and it’s also easier to use the one you’ve been using!
Katie says
Whatsapp is also a great app for international communication! You can text, call, and video call for free. This is how my family talks to my father in law when he’s working overseas. We’ve actually moved that family group chat to the app so that he’s always in the group no matter where he is.
Heidi P says
There are pros and cons. If I had a choice I’d vote that social media was never invented. I can’t stand talking to someone and they are more interested in their phone than listening. I don’t use social media by choice. I have an old facebook page under a different name that I haven’t used in years as it was for couponing and a twitter account that when my now 24 year old was 12 I needed to hear what was going on thru other parents during a world series baseball tournament. My kids are older thank goodness but my youngest who is 19 uses it the most. I’m beginning to think it’s attached to him physically.
Deborah Knight says
AGREE AGREE AGREE. CONVERSE IN PERSON
Charla says
My husband and I talked about discontentedness and how we could avoid it. I told him the best way I knew was if we got rid of both our phones.
I agree, I’m happy we didn’t have social media growing up.
KC says
I’d keep blogs and blog comments but ditch social media… except I’m now on a service which is basically functioning as a set of chat rooms (remember chat rooms?) and it is so nice having the instant response aspect, and it’s a good community of people (the Epbot group on the Discord service; also no ads), and it has been lovely for sort-of-human contact during stressful bits of time. (waiting for the results of my mom’s cancer tests: we’ll have a vigorous conversation about what the best cranberry juice option is, or whether certain book series should be read in publication order or in within-world “chronological” order, and it is just so nice.) And Twitter was helpful on January 6 as the journalists in with the House and Senate tweeted out what on earth was going on, from their perspectives, and that the representatives were for the time safe – but usually it’s just a time sink and an outrage machine.
But I’d keep blogs; although I guess some blogs aren’t healthy; but it’s easier to trim your reading/commenting list to only the ones with a semi-healthy community, vs. social media? And I *do* like having the chatroom available. But it also displaces some “in-person” friend reaching-out attempts, which isn’t good. So. Sigh.
Heather says
Get rid of social media! There are many positives to technology, but social media is not necessary and is detrimental to the mental health of society. (Just my opinion:)
Jothp says
AMEN!
Pj Truman says
I’m happy I had a less media/electronic childhood. As an adult, there are many advantages to the internet, such as Google – not having to go to the library for encyclopedia information and the connection, ideas and sharing from people who we geographically wouldn’t have met, such as you sharing your life, decisions and talents with us. I’m happy you have a blog and share your unique personality and perspectives on the world with us. My trick is I have just about aligned my social media presence to be fed what I am interested in and get very little of the garbage that brings me down. I worked at creating it how I want it.
Angie says
The internet makes so many things super convenient but I don’t believe that the convenience in worth the cost of the effect of social media. I have a five year old and it is already a struggle to encourage play time outdoors or with toys and books as opposed to TV or videos and such. My nieces grew up sitting in our home on holidays never engaging in conversation because their heads were buried in their phones texting, facebook and the like. I am of the opinion that social media has subjected all of us to more fits of comparison and the inability to live in the present and focus on our lives rather than the lives of others around us. It also gives way to the illusion of perfection….all those glossy instagram images can never be the stuff of real life. If it were up to me, we would leave it all behind.
pamela s says
I’ll keep what I use but I’m picky with what that is. I was a huge Facebook person. About 5 years ago I had enough and gave it up. I don’t chase the next “great” thing.
DC says
I’d give it up in a heartbeat!
Tracy T says
Without it Dear Mavis – we could not read about your adventures! I agree 1000% that I wish it were not around. I find myself wasting too much time and then getting angry at the crap I see on Facebook and other sites. It’s a definite catch 22 in my opinion.
Lynn says
I detest social media. An excuse not to interact face to face and say horrible things.
Patti says
I’m so glad I had my children before them. So many opportunities to teach, listen and learn have been lost in our rapidly moving world for many reasons, but in my opinion, cell phones/computers have escalated it! I tell my 27 year old son, the only thing that has come with this technology that is wonderful is being able to find donors for emergency health issues and contacting the recipient quickly.
Katherine says
Just like everything else there are pros and cons. I belong to several Facebook groups that reflect my hobbies of photography, gardening and reading. My bookclub FB group is made up of 15 friends across the country so it’s a fun group and we set a time each week to “meet up” for 30 minutes to an hour. I limit my FB time to 1 hour per day, usually when I’m enjoying my cup of coffee in the morning. If I didn’t get something out of my FB interactions I would close my account.
With my twin grandkids, age 8, I drag them into the woods, to parks and the like weather permitting. When the weather is not going our way we play board games then as folks tire out we read or watch a movie together on DVD. I moved to be closer to them so we DO things together when we are together.
Marcia says
I love most of the conveniences that come from cell phones and social media. Most.
– Facebook for keeping up with my 8 siblings and dozens of cousins.
– Instagram for keeping up with my running friends
– Linkedin for keeping up with former coworkers
– Work email because you gotta do it.
I also love using my phone for shopping, maps, the calendar, reminders, MUSIC, and texting. I also read news on my phone. Just a few days ago, I had terribly bad vertigo and was supposed to go grocery shopping because we were out of a ton of stuff…and 10 minutes later I had a delivery window for my food. I stalk people on Strava to find new hikes and new places to run. I actually got a linked that WORKED when I made my first vaccine appt, by something listed in a Facebook group.
I read books on the kindle too. I have weekly zooms with my running group.
I can’t imagine what this year would have been like without the social media connections, when I haven’t hugged a single person outside my household in over a year. I can’t imagine keeping the kids engaged with their friends without discord or zoom. And let’s just say that Prime video and Netflix and Disney+ have been a huge help. My kids are FINALLY back in school, whee!! Imagine a full year without seeing your friends.
Now that we are only a few weeks from being fully vaxxed (the adults, anyway), my neighbors and I are talking about FINALLY resuming our weekly potluck. As in, every week unless it’s raining. It’s now been 13 months and we all miss it so much.
However, social media can give people the ability to be mostly anonymous and be totally rude and mean to others. Those people have been ruthlessly removed from my accounts.
Erin Kerbs says
I agree with all of this!
Bonnie says
I am 76 and grew up without TV or even radio as my dad was an Army officer and stationed overseas. I had no siblings at the time and learned to love to read and wander through the woods and build forts out of blankets, etc., and use my imagination! I had wonderful playmates from all around the world and learned how to be comfortable in all kinds of situations. I would keep the internet for keeping in touch, and I love instructional videos on Youtube, but would ditch the rest–way too much of a time-suck and lately getting way too intrusive.
Mimi says
I’m with you, Mavis. It makes me sad to see parents ignoring their kids in favor of their phones at the park. They hardly make eye contact. Life was better without these distractions in my opinion.
Terri Lindeke says
Think of all the lives that have been saved. Women led the way with the 3-Day events and others that raised so much $$ we advanced research by decades. That research was applied to prostate cancer research and saved many men from dying… my husband is one them Doctors are able to communicate with doctors around the world.
It used to be, not that long ago, that computers filled entire rooms, and held less capability than you have in your apple watch. We got humans on the moon on computer capabilities you would laugh at today.
I can accomplish much more in a 1/2 hour using my computer capabilities and reach 1.000’s of people in a few key strokes.
I’m not sad about computers and social media. I can put it all down, and grab a couple grandkids and go hiking in the woods or work in the garden or anything else we decide minus any social media. We keep a phone with us in case of emergency.
Dianne says
Yes, I wish we were back in simpler times. I think some of the younger generations are starting to think the same. I am a “Boomer” and miss the simplicity! I also miss the frugality and simplicity of the “greatest generation”. Tech was suppose to make our lives easier! What a joke on us! I hate my cell phone, I seldom know where it is or have the sound off. And no, I have not had a land line in 15 years.
Sandy says
Different-not worse -different. Evolution -we grow, we change, we evolve.
We now can work from home, we stayed safe during Covid. We can text in an instant, keeping closer and safer. We held ZOOM meetings for work and Friday friend get togethers. We can order food, shop from home, staying safer and off the roads. We are driving less, polluting less. We are kinder to the environment. Social media has provided a great income source for many.
I can preserve relationships and rekindle lost ones. I can be inspired by someones creativity, and be entertained by so many. I meet wonderful strangers and create tribes of like minds.
I cook more creatively, I learned to knit from you tube, I know where my young adult kids are at all times by their social media posts. I had a great outdoor childhood, and my kids did as well- because we camped, and read together, played outside, and established solid relationships. I think social media-managed thoughtfully and controlled-is a great thing.
Rynda Gregory says
I just read through the other replies. I want to differentiate between technology as a whole, and social media as a specific sub group of technology.
Tech social media (as opposed to newspaper and magazine) is awful! So much research on how it has and continues to negatively impact us, and our younger generations.
Tech as in the science, the opportunity to get information super quick (you tube, your site here) is fantastic. We all need to be conscientious, cautious consumers of information. None of us need to be reading about the grandiose, most likely untrue lives of others.
Hmm – I clearly have an opinion on this.
S. Cirello says
I Hate Ignorant Cell Phone Users. Every time I’m At The Mall Shopping In My Wheelchair, I Get A Cell Phone User In My Lap, Not Paying Any Attention To Anyone’s Safety!! Never, Ever Getting An I’m Sorry Either. Life Is Tough With These Losers!!!!
Kristina says
It is a tool, and we get to decide how we use it. If we only ever used a saw to cut off our fingers or only banged our heads with our hammers, we would hate them too. We are the boss of it, and we need to make it serve us.
Personally, I like it fine. I keep up with old friends who I might have lost touch with otherwise. I hear about artists and writers I may not have heard about, living out in the sticks like I do. But do have to assert my authority over it from time to time, lol. I’m sure I’m not alone in this.
My kids grew up during the internet era. They spent most of their time during their childhood up to their eyebrows in mud or with their noses in a book or playing with friends. One of them “played” with a friend who moved to Taiwan, by way of an internet app. It was a tool that served her well in her childhood. At 25, they are still friends.
Be the boss of it.
Lisa Millar says
I like your analogy with the tools 🙂
Kathy says
I miss the “good old days” of: street lights on, get home, hearing a parent or neighbor holler for kids, Saturday morning cartoons, no internwt, cable or cell phones. My kids ( both pushing 30) were the play outside kids. No electronics or cell phones, they had to EARN it all. Unfortunately, we had to go online at home when they were in middle school because teachers wanted online research not book research, although my boys learned both. First cell phone was obtained by both when they could afford it themselves, basic not smart phones. We met half the monthly cost of service.
Now that they are adults, yes they are involved with social media (as am I ) but on a limited basis because we all find it boring. Still look at other things online, but it doesn’t mean you have to believe everything you read online.
Cell is muted 90% of the day, streaming limited to weekends.
Technology makes it easier but not necessarily better.
Linda says
Most of my family is hundreds of miles away. I have been able to watch babies grow up so I am in favor of most technology. I dislike rude comments from people and I can easily skip over them. I am able to have lessons on many subjects when I would not have the availability in my small town. Blogs like Mavis’ makes my day brighter.
Lisa Millar says
Interesting reading how people feel about social media!
I think I have the best of both worlds…
I really enjoy it – we’ve got family and friends all over the world and its lovely and convenient to keep in touch, share photos etc
I also enjoy using it for my special interests and run a couple of pages etc.
On the other side, neither myself or my husband have mobile phones so once we leave the house… we are unplugged and I LOVE it that way. I can give my whole attention to what I am doing. To be honest I find it a bit frustrating hanging out with people that are interrupted every few minutes with messages or calls. It seems a distracted way to operate and I don’t think thats for me.
On an interesting side note re not having a mobile (cell) phone… years ago when I would tell someone we don’t have one the most common comment was ‘How do you survive without one??’ Now?? I get people going green with envy and telling me they wish they could!!